TYBA-SEM-VI-Counseling-Psychology-English-Version-munotes

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THERAPEUTIC PRESENCE:
IMPORTANCE OF LISTENING - I
Unit Structure
1.0 Objectives
1.1 Introduction
1.2 Dialogue as the second nature to interactions with clients
1.2.1 Basic Guidelines for Visibly Tuning -In to Clients
1.3 basic guidelines for visibly tuni ng in to clients
1.3.1 Non -Verbal Behaviour of the Counselors
1.3.2 Understanding more about the non -verbal behaviours
1.3.3 Myths to be Avoided about Non -Verbal Behaviours
1.4 Non-verbal behaviour as a channel of communication
1.5 Summary
1.6 Question
1.7 References
1.0 OBJECTIVES  To understand dialogue as the second nature to interactions with
clients .
 To know the basic guidelines for visibly tuning in to clients .
 To understand non -verbal behaviour as a channel of communication .
1.1 INTRODUCTION It is ve ry important to be with someone when you are going through
difficult times in your life. One may not be able to help someone every
time in action, but the presence or a simple conversation makes a very big
difference. For example, if your friend‟s family m ember is in hospital, just
your being there for him or her will make a difference even if you do not
get a chance to speak. Likewise, just being with a friend who has lost his
or her pet dog can relieve him or her even though nothing is said between
you bo th. What is comforting to your friend in these situations is your
presence, which is empathetic to the friend. But sometimes, more than
comforting words or your presence is required and that is being a listener.
Most of the time, clients visit the counsel ors just because they want
someone who will just listen to them. Clients find it painful when they feel
that they are not being heard. Therapy demands strength and intensity of
listening. Therapeutic presence is seen when the counselors are visibly
tuned w ith the clients. It shows their empathy towards their clients as a munotes.in

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2 counselor and conveys to the clients that the counselors are there to listen
to them. This puts the counselors in the position of robust listeners. In this
process of therapeutic presence, both counselors‟ qualities - necessary
dialogue with the clients and non -verbal communication play a very
important role.
Research on helping relationships, that is, how to develop and have good
helping relationships is carried out on a large scale, howev er, there is a
lack of studies on communication in the research literature, especially the
importance of listening and relationship -building skills. This may be due
to ignorance about effective communication in many societies and
communities. In workshops with parents, the audience is asked to rate
between 1 and 10 on how essential it is for them to have open
communication with their child in order to form a strong relationship with
them. Without a second thought, the scores hit 10. Then they are asked the
next question – what steps do they take to develop this open
communication with their kids? In most of the sessions, no one has ever
answered this question. This shows that the parents expect that these
communication skills should develop amongst their chi ldren on their own.
The most important requirement in any relationship, especially in helping
relationships, is a „dialogue‟. A firm pattern of communication skills of
the counselors is the most essential feature of success in a helping
relationship. Trai ning and revision of the same should be a norm that
should be provided to all to -be-counselors for a good „therapeutic
presence‟ (Knapp, 2007). And these communication skills in a form of
dialogue should become second nature to the counselors to interact w ith
the clients. Psychologists like Carl Rogers (1951, 1957, 1965), Bob
Carkhuff (1987), and Allen Ivey (2012) are a few of the pioneers in
improving and refining the communication skills required in the
therapeutic process. The influence of their work is seen vastly in the field
of counselling.
In this unit, we will discuss „dialogue as the second nature of interactions
with clients and „the basic guidelines for visibly tuning in to clients. Along
with this, we will also cover topics on „active listening‟ and „non-verbal
communication‟.
This section focuses on the „dialogue pattern‟ essential in a therapeutic
setup. In most cases, research shows that clients are unable to establish
healthy interpersonal relationships with others in their life due to a lack of
effective communication skills and this is the main reason which often
they never realize. Ineffective communication and lack of dialogue are
often reflected in their therapeutic relationship with the counselors. Hence,
a need arises to make dialogue t he second nature to interactions with
clients and establish basic guidelines for visibly tuning in to clients. In this
section, you shall study suggestions to help clients with poor
communication skills and who are unable to engage in dialogue during the
therapeutic process. munotes.in

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3 Therapeutic Presence: Importance of Listening - I 1.2 DIALOGUE AS THE SECOND NATURE OF INTERACTIONS WITH CLIENTS It is now clear that counselors need to possess a wide range of
communication skills to aid the clients to have a fulfilling and engaging
therapeutic experience as much as possible. The conversations between
the clients and their counselors should have a helping dialogue for a good
therapy session (Knapp, 2007; Paré & Lysack, 2004; Seikkula & Trimble,
2005). Effective communication skills required for counselling not only
include being good at it at a personal level, but also having them establish
a dialogue so that the clients have an engaging experience (Pareé &
Lysack, 2004; Seikkula & Trimble, 2005).
Egan (2012) devised four essential requirements to have a true dialogue
between the counselors and the clients during the helping session. They
are turn -taking, connecting, mutual influencing and co -creating outcomes
(Egan & Resse, 2018). Let us study each of them individually and in detail
in order to gain a better understan ding.
Turn -taking:
The foremost requirement to form a dialogue in a therapy session is „turn -
taking‟. Dialogues are interactive in nature. Dialogue in simple words
means taking turns to talk which goes like “you talk, then I talk and so
on”. Especially dur ing counselling sessions, monologues on the part of the
counselors or helpers do not add value to the therapeutic process and
hence should always be avoided. Engagement is the core of the
counselling process. The clients narrating endlessly or the counselo rs
lecturing endlessly should have no place in therapy. In the first place,
counselling is not at all this type of endless stories or endless lectures. If
there is only a monologue, it will create isolation and only dialogue can
lead to interaction between the both.
The possibility of mutual understanding and learning can take place by
„turn-taking‟ in any situation including therapy sessions. Through
dialogues by taking turns, the counselors can learn more about their clients
and understand them better. Th is aids the counselors to chalk out the
intervention for the therapy which has its basis on the „give and take
dialogue‟ in the session between the both. Dialogues also ensure that
clients are thinking aloud which in turn helps them to understand
themselve s and their concerns fully. This also leads them to use their
unutilized opportunities once they learn to face their issues and problems.
Connecting :
The second requirement to have a true dialogue in a therapy session is
„connecting‟. Let us understand th is in a better way. Have you ever seen
two people talking to each other but there is no relation or coherence in
their topic of discussion? As a witness to their conversation, we often feel
confused and think that they are talking about the past with each other that
only leads to more confusion. In reality, they are having two independent munotes.in

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4 monologues and not a dialogue. These alternating monologues are never
helpful in any conversation and especially in a therapy session between
clients and the counselors.
The most important prerequisite of an ideal therapy session is that
whatever the clients and the counselors are conversing with each other
should be linked in some way or the other to what either of them is talking
about. This lowers the confusion and sets some clarity. There should be
some direct connection between the clients‟ and counselors‟ remarks to
what they are talking about or discussing during the session. The working
alliance can be productive only when the clients and the counselors are
engaged in the conversation with clarity and coherence and when both of
them are on the same page. Active listening and responding with the
respect to the topic of conversation and what they think about the same is
indispensable in a therapeutic session. Later in this unit, we will study
what the counselors can do to aid their clients who fall behind due to their
inability to connect.
Mutual Influencing :
The next essential requirement is „mutual influencing‟ to promote a
dialogue between the counselors and the cli ents. When there is a true
dialogue between two individuals, both individuals show openness to
being influenced by what the opposite individual wants to say. This
reflects the social influence aspect of counselling, which is discussed in
the earlier chapte r.
Counselors influence their clients and at times unbiased and open -minded
counselors show readiness to learn from or get influenced by their clients.
When the clients are in the driver‟s seat, it is not so possible that their
counselors will not be infl uenced. In a therapeutic session, counselors and
clients continually challenge each other to show openness towards each
other and for new learnings for one another. Fowers and Davidov (2006,
2007) suggest that “the virtue of „openness to the other‟ and dia logue keep
multicultural diversity and other forms of diversity from descending into
chaos. The pairing of the two keeps both client and helper on track”.
Co-creating Outcomes :
The result of good dialogue is always beneficial to both parties. And as we
know, therapy sessions are all about good outcomes, beneficial
accomplishments and positive results. The task of the therapists in the
session is to strike a balance between two extreme ends of not directing
the clients and not leaving the clients on their ow n. In a way, the
counselors are a catalyst who helps the clients to find their own answers
through problem -managing dialogue. In a good counselling space, the real
dialogue never biases the clients or the counselors to shape the outcomes
in advance. A dial ogue is different from a conversation. If the counselors
know what to tell the clients or if the clients are also directive; this will
lead to a conversation but the likelihood of dialogue in this scenario
decreases. We cannot change the fact that change i s possible only if the
clients want to. Counselors can only facilitate and influence change via munotes.in

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5 Therapeutic Presence: Importance of Listening - I effective dialogue. Co -creating outcomes will still have clients in the
driver‟s seat who are in charge of the navigation and outcome.
Egan (2009) states, “Alt hough individual communication skills are a
necessary part of communication competence, dialogue together with the
collaboration it fosters is the integrating mechanism” (p. 130). When
dialogue is effective, it conveys both; empathy and respect towards the
opposite individual. This during a session, aids the clients to understand
themselves and their own problems in a better way. It also in turn leads to
engagement in dealing with problem -managing change. Degraded
dialogues often lead to exploitation of the therapy process and conflict of
terms of the therapy session.
Overall, the base of effective dialogue is having good individual skills for
effective communication. Having good communication skills is not only
required in a therapeutic relationship but al so essential in every
interpersonal relationship outside the therapy sessions. These skills are
extensions of ourselves when interacting with others (Adler & Proctor,
2007; Canary, Cody, & Manusov, 2008; DeVito, 2008, 2009; West &
Turner, 2009; Wood, 2007) . Training programs for to -be counselors
should include basic training in interpersonal communication skills which
will help them later to adapt these skills in the therapeutic process with the
clients.
In the next section of this unit, we will study abou t what are the basic
guidelines the counselors need to follow to visibly tune in to the clients
and what it means.
1.2.1 Basic Guidelines for Visibly Tuning -In to Clients:
Along with a real dialogue as second nature to interactions with clients,
there are particular non -verbal skills too that should be followed to visibly
tune in to clients. Before we proceed to the non -verbal behaviour for
effective communication, let us go through the guidelines to be followed
while using non -verbal skills. These guideli nes are offered by Egan
(2009), acronymed as „SOLER‟. Each of the guidelines has been
explained individually as follows:
However, one may take note of an important aspect of cultural differences,
since from the cultural differences point of view, communi cation skills are
sensitive and the counselors should take optimum care in adapting what is
to be followed in different cultures. Egan (2009) suggests taking these
guidelines as a framework and being cautious while using them with
clients who belong to dif ferent cultures.
S - Face the Client “Squarely”:
This is related to adopting a body posture that shows involvement with the
clients. It indicates that the counselors are there with them and available to
hear them. In some cultures, involvement is often con veyed through facing
the opposite person squarely. Generally, while we talk to another person
and our body is turned away from the person, it lessens the degree of munotes.in

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6 contact with the opposite person. Therefore, people try to turn towards the
person who is sp eaking or to whom they are speaking when all are seated
in a circle.
Egan (2009) suggested the orientation of body posture that will convey the
message to the clients that counselors are involved in the session.
However, if squarely facing the clients see ms to be threatening, in that
case, an angled position may work as well. The important point is that the
quality of counselors‟ presence is important and not the inches and angles
as such. Always remember that whether we like it or not, whether we are
awar e or not, our body posture sends out messages. Hence, the body
posture of the counselors should be in congruence with what they are
trying to do or say during the therapeutic session.
O - Adopt an “Open” Posture:
Crossed legs and crossed arms are signs of „closedness‟. It depicts less
involvement or availability. An open posture can show that counselors are
open to the clients when they are talking to the counselors. Open posture is
generally associated with non -defensive posture. However, counselors can
still be involved with the clients even if their legs are crossed. However,
they should ask themselves “Does my present body posture convey
availability and openness to the client?”. Thus, their body posture should
reflect their empathetic and open -minded n ature.
L - Remember that it is possible at times to “Lean” toward the other :
Leaning forward over the table and talking or listening when engaged in a
conversation is a sign of the natural involvement of people in a
conversation. The counselors can move f orward to the clients or back
away as the upper body offers that flexibility. A little leaning toward the
opposite person is a cue that conveys that the counselors are in tune with
the clients and are interested in what they have to say. However, leaning
back may convey that the counselors are not present for the clients and or
are getting bored. Also, leaning forward too much may frighten the clients
and can be overwhelming to them. It can be mistaken as some kind of
demand or initiating intimacy or closen ess and can be misinterpreted or
misunderstood by the clients. Thus, leaning forward shows physical
flexibility which enhances communication and also reflects the mental
flexibility of the counselors which is required in a therapy session.
E - Maintain Go od Eye Contact:
It is normal to have fairly steady eye contact while having a deep
conversation. However, it should not be a „staring‟. Having good eye
contact is a way of telling the clients that counselors are with them and are
interested in listening to them and also want to hear what they want to say.
However, since there is no specific rule to maintain constant eye contact,
counselors also can look away occasionally, so that it should not appear as
staring. However, if counselors look away frequently, then it may give an
impression that counselors are reluctant to have this conversation or be
involved in the session. It may also reflect discomfort on the counselors‟ munotes.in

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7 Therapeutic Presence: Importance of Listening - I part. In some cultures, like Asian, too much eye contact with someone,
who is in an auth oritative position, does not work. Eye contact has cultural
meaning. But in any culture, having fair eye contact in a counselling
session is essential.
R - Try to be Relatively “Relaxed” or Natural in These Behaviours:
„Being relaxed‟ has two meanings: i) a way to not be fidgety, nervous or
engage in distracting kinds of facial expressions. If counselors do not
express being relaxed, the clients may think about why counselors are
nervous or anxious; and ii) to be comfortable with using your own body as
a medium of personal contact and expression. Being natural and being
yourself is a requirement while using these skills in order to help the
clients to be at ease.
These are the guidelines counselors can follow as a framework to fit in the
counselling sessio n with the clients, based on the cultural norms of their
location. The counselors trained in the „skilled helper‟ framework can also
modify the guidelines sometimes to suit their clients, for example, visually
impaired students studying in the schools or c olleges for the blinds. For
that purpose, a few changes can be done to the SOLER framework as
described above. Thus, the counselors can replace a few ideas in the
guidelines aptly and sensibly, to suit their clients considering their needs.
As suggested by Egan (2009), one needs to understand the idea behind the
guidelines and revise and adapt to the needs of the clients in the
therapeutic session. Now, let us see the ways the changes can be brought
out by the counselors for their visually impaired clients, for example:
We are aware that eye contact is not relevant to the counselors, who
themselves are visually impaired or if their clients are visually impaired.
However, people who are visually impaired often feel insulted when they
have a feeling that sigh ted people talking to them are not looking towards
them or are facing somewhere else. Hence, attention to the direction of the
voice is very important to them. Thus, in this context, listening and
attending skills are suitable for each alphabet of the acro nym SOLER to
the visually impaired students. However, what stands for E (i.e., eye
contact) does not fit well. Therefore, the acronym SOLER can be changed
to SOLAR with contemplation, in which “A” stands for „Aim‟, which
means; “Aim your head and body in t he direction of the clients, so that
when they hear the voice of counselors, be it linguistically or para
linguistically, clients know that counselors are attending directly to what
clients are saying (personal communication)” (Egan, 2009, p. 135).
Thus, w e can see how a slight change in the framework can work well
with the clients considering their needs. Hence, one should be sensitive
while using these guidelines. This also points out the fact that the non -
verbal orientation of the counselors can affect c lients more than the
counselors may think about it. Any sign that points out counselors‟
„unavailability‟ or distracts counselors from „being there‟ can affect the
dialogue. If counselors‟ internal attitudes do not reflect their external
behaviour, they ma y lose the impact even if they may be empathetic, munotes.in

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8 genuine, respectful and caring. Also note that if counselors are not used to
being attentive as an individual, they may find it difficult or they may feel
very self -conscious in the beginning to tune as vis ible in their initial
counselling sessions. Counselors should take every conversation that they
have outside the therapy sessions in their everyday life as a chance to
practice. This in turn will help them (counselors) to visibly tune in during
the session s. However, as mentioned earlier in a couple of instances,
counselors should take this framework as guidelines and not as a rigid and
fixed set of rules that are required to be applied during all the sessions.
Here are a few questions that the counselors may ask themselves to check
how visibly tuned in they are as counselors. Egan (2009, p. 136) offered a
list of questions as an exercise for to -be counselors, that should be
answered to have a self -check:
 “What are my attitudes toward this client?
 How woul d I rate the quality of my presence to this client?
 To what degree does my nonverbal behaviour indicate a willingness
to work with the client?
 What attitudes am I expressing in my non -verbal behaviour?
 What attitudes am I expressing in my verbal behavio ur?
 To what degree does the client experience me as effectively present
and working with him or her?
 To what degree does my non -verbal behaviour reinforce my internal
attitudes?
 In what ways am I distracted from giving my full attention to this
client? What am I doing to handle these distractions? How might I be
more effectively present to this person?”
After studying the importance of dialogue and getting to know the
guidelines that counselors need to follow, let us move to our next section
of this unit which is non -verbal behaviour as a channel of communication
and active listening as the foundation of understanding. Since empathetic
communication also involves the role of non -verbal communication, let us
study how non -verbal behaviour is a channel of c ommunication and then
how understanding is based on active listening.
1.3 NON -VERBAL BEHAVIOUR AS A CHANNEL OF COMMUNICATION Many of us fail to recognize and identify the non -verbal cues that others
send to us and also to use non -verbal behaviour to give a message to
others. This leads to limiting our capacity for interpersonal effectiveness
(Manusov, 2005; Manusov & Patterson, 2007). For example, each one of
us knows someone who talks endlessly in a monologue without realizing
that the opposite person migh t be giving out signs of boredom. We get munotes.in

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9 Therapeutic Presence: Importance of Listening - I bored in a class in which the professor just talks plainly without making an
attempt to show more openness toward the students. Researchers and
practitioners in the field of psychology recognize and acknowledge the
importance of non -verbal behaviour in practising counselling (Mehrabian,
1972, 1981; Philippot, Feldman, & Coats, 2003; Richmond, McCroskey,
& Hickson, 2012; Weitz, 1974) as well as in daily life over the years
(Burgoon, Guerrero, & Floyd, 2009; Knapp & Ha ll, 2010; Pease & Pease,
2006).
Highlen and Hill (1984) have shown why it is important to understand and
use non -verbal behaviour. Let us see now which concepts are related to
non-verbal behaviour.
 Through non -verbal behaviours emotions are communicated
 Conversations are regulated through non -verbal behaviours
 It gives us important insights during helping relationship
 We can get insights on self -perceptions
 Non-verbal behaviours also give us cues when the opposite person is
not saying much or at all but i s thinking about something.
Studies on non -verbal behaviours are important because they are culturally
based and helping nature is multicultural. As proposed by Egan (2018),
“David Givens (2008) of the Center for Nonverbal Studies has published
an online nonverbal dictionary of gestures, signs, and body language cues.
To assume that nonverbal behaviours mean the same thing across cultures
is not only wrong but sometimes dangerous as well. Watch what you do
with your hands in different cultures” (p. 75).
Remember that the body part like our face is extremely communicative in
nature too. Even if there is silence in a room full of people, we do
understand the messages that are filled in the atmosphere or at least get a
hint of the same. There are times in the counselling sessions where you
will find the voice quality of the clients, physiological responses, bodily
motions and facial expressions are more communicative than what they
are saying through words. Egan (2009) has outlined a few factors that play
an im portant role in the therapeutic dialogue for both; counselors as well
as clients. They are listed below (p. 132):
 Bodily behaviour, such as posture, body movements, and gestures
 Eye behaviour, such as eye contact, staring, and eye movement
 Facial express ions, such as smiles, frowns, raised eyebrows, and
twisted lips
 Voice -related behaviour, such as tone of voice, pitch, volume,
intensity, modulation, spacing of words, emphasis, pauses, silences,
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10  Observable autonomic physiological responses, such as quickened
breathing, blushing, paleness, and pupil dilation
 Physical characteristics, such as fitness, height, weight, and
complexion
 Space, that is, how close or far a person chooses to be during a
conversation
 General appearance, such as groom ing and dress.
One amazing fact is that each one of us is constantly speaking through our
non-verbal behaviour. Counselors in order to be effective learn this „non -
verbal language‟ and also make use of it to make interactions effective
with their clients. Trained and effective counselors learn and know how to
catch the meaning which is relevant and seen through cues of non -verbal
behaviours of their clients during the sessions.
Though counselors read the non -verbal behaviours of the clients, one has
to be c autious because clients also catch the meaning of the non -verbal
behaviours of their counselors. Hence, it is necessary to focus on one‟s
non-verbal behaviours as a counselor so that he or she does not give out
signs which may offend or hurt the clients. S o, let us study and understand
the counselors‟ non -verbal behaviour.
1.3.1 Non -Verbal Behaviour of the Counselors:
As mentioned earlier, counselors need to check their non -verbal behaviour
first, before they interpret the same of their clients. Like your c lients, the
non-verbal behaviour of the counselors also communicates with their
clients. In fact, counselors‟ non -verbal behaviour is more important than
the words at times, during the therapy session. It may affect the clients for
better or for worse. Cue s that show counselors‟ availability and quality of
their presence are read by their clients through their non -verbal behaviour.
How attention counselors pay and how it is denoted through their presence
leads to the degree to which their clients will trust them, open up to them
and get encouraged to talk about important elements of their problematic
situations. If counselors‟ non -verbal behaviour showcases their half -
hearted presence, it may lead to forming distrust towards them and the
clients will be hesi tant to talk openly about themselves with the
counselors. There are chances that counselors‟ non -verbal behaviour will
get misinterpreted or misunderstood by their clients. For example,
according to counselors, there may be enough space between them and
their clients which counselors find comfortable, but the clients might find
the space too close to you. Or taking too much time to think during the
pause taken by the clients might lead to a feeling of embarrassment for the
clients Every client will be diffe rent, and so will be their sensitivity
towards your non -verbal behaviour.
Always remember that in order to be an effective counselor, one needs to
be mindful. One should not be preoccupied during the session which can
lead to a course of non -verbal messag es being sent to the clients. The munotes.in

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11 Therapeutic Presence: Importance of Listening - I foremost important step as a counselor in the counselling session is to read
and get to know one‟s own non -verbal actions and reactions. For example,
as the clients are speaking during the session and counselors feel that their
muscles are tensing while they hear the clients, counselors need to
mentally say to themselves, “I am feeling anxious now. What is going on?
And because of this am I sending the signal to the client of my discomfort
through my non -verbal behaviour?” Counselors need to do this self -talk in
their minds and check their bodily signals and not let their clients get
distracted by the same.
Counselors also need to control their impulses to react and use censored
instinct reactions while doing so. For exampl e, if counselors feel angry
instinctively when the clients say something, counselors have to control
their external expression with a neutral look so that they get some time to
reflect. This self -control expected during the session is not fake, instead, is
respect towards the clients, that comes before counselors‟ instinct
reactions. Not showing anger toward the clients is different from not
denying it. Awareness about the same is the first step necessary to
acknowledge and deal with it.
Egan (2009, p. 133 ) proposed that “in a more positive vein, you can
„punctuate‟ what counselors say with nonverbal messages. For example,
Raj is especially attentive when Jyoti talks about actions, she could take to
do something about her problem situation. She leans forwar d, nods, and
says „yes, ya, ok‟. She uses nonverbal behaviour to reinforce, let‟s say,
Jyoti‟s intention to act constructively in renewing contact with a couple of
key friends”.
It is also important to note that counselors should not become preoccupied
with their bodily messages and also with their tone and quality of voice
while talking. Instead, counselors should learn to use their instinct for
communication so that it looks natural. Counselors‟ awareness about their
non-verbal behaviours mirrors their in ner peace with self, counselling
process and clients. The working alliance with the clients will only
enhance if their non -verbal behaviour does not come in the way.
If counselors‟ attitudes and values like empathy, and respect are not
carried in the coun selling session, they will not appear to be true and
would probably appear ingenuine even if they learn the skills of tuning in
visibly. Counselors‟ visible presence should showcase their mindset and
what is in their hearts. If counselors have no interest in working with the
clients or are disinterested in their welfare, subtle or maybe not very subtle
cues will reflect through their non -verbal behaviours.
1.3.2 Understanding more about the non -verbal behaviours:
Let us see a very unusual example: If you k now, bees and ants talk and
make life decisions through the medium of signals they send to one
another through hives and swarms. The signals they send are non -verbal in
nature. Research studies by Buchanan (2007; 2009) and Pentland (2008;
2010) propose tha t even human beings do the same thing. Talking about munotes.in

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12 therapy, social influence dimensions are equal to these signals. Pentland
proposed the term - „honest signals‟.
Honest signals are honest in nature as they are unconscious, autonomic
and automatic. They are sent to one another via four mediums namely,
interest, consistency, activity and mimicry. Let us see an example of
„activity‟. By becoming more active, both the counselors as well as the
clients show nervous energy during the session. Both of them pic k each
other‟s signals. Let us take an example of „interest‟. One can guess how
much the other person is interested in what he/she is doing by reading
non-verbal behaviour of how attentive they both are to each other. This
attentiveness lets one expect whe n the other person has made his or her
point and finds the right time to react. Pentland and his colleagues have
also developed the technology that enables one to read as well as to
measure this process of signalling. Honest signals do influence other
peop le and are difficult to fake. Thus, the clients will be able to read their
counselors through these signals during the counselling session and make
guesses about what kind of a counselor or a person they (counselors) are.
It is difficult to fake genuinenes s.
The important point to be made here is that nonverbal signals are not just
conversational details but are at the heart of dialogue. “The fact that
signals are being sent, received and acted on „in the shadows‟ adds a note
of uncertainty to the dialogue , but uncertainty can add vigour to the
counselling process” (Duncan, et. al., 2010).
1.3.3 Myths to be Avoided about Non -Verbal Behaviours:
Richmond and McCroskey (2000) described a few myths that are
commonly held about nonverbal behaviours (p. 2, 3). Th ey are as follows:
1. “Non-verbal communication is nonsense. All communication involves
language. Therefore, all communication is verbal”. This myth is
disappearing. It does not stand up under the scrutiny of common
sense.
2. “Non-verbal behaviour accounts for most of the communication in
human interaction”. Early studies tried to prove this, but they were
biased. Studies were aimed at dismissing myth number 1 and they
overstepped their boundaries.
3. “One can read a person like a book”. Some people, even some
professionals, would like to think so. You can read non -verbal
behaviour, verbal behaviour, and context and still be wrong.
4. “If a person does not look into your eyes while talking to you, he or
she is not telling the truth”. The same non -verbal be haviour can mean
many different things.
5. “Although non -verbal behaviour differs from person to person, most
non-verbal behaviours are natural to all people”. However, this is munotes.in

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13 Therapeutic Presence: Importance of Listening - I found not to be true either in cross -cultures or even within the same
culture.
6. “Non-verbal behaviour stimulates the same meaning in different
situations”. Very often the context is the key. Yet some professionals
obtain the myth and base interpretive systems on it.
This section explained non -verbal behaviour as a channel of
communication and how understanding non -verbal behaviours is
important to being an effective counselor. How to understand the clients‟
non-verbal behaviours is explained in detail in the later part of this
chapter. After studying this we move to our next sect ions which are
„active listening as the foundation of understanding‟, „forms of poor
listening, processing information from clients in a thoughtful search for
meaning‟ and „importance of listening to helpers‟ own internal
conversation, key ingredients of s uccessful therapy, dealing with distorted
listening‟.
1.4 SUMMARY The most important requirement in any relationship, especially in helping
relationships, is a „dialogue‟. Communication skills in a form of dialogue
should become second nature to the counse lors to interact with the clients.
In this unit, we discussed „dialogue as the second nature of interactions
with clients and the basic guidelines for visibly tuning in to clients. Along
with this, we will also cover topics on „active listening‟ and „non -verbal
communication‟. Egan (2012) devised four essential requirements to have
a true dialogue between the counselors and the clients during the helping
session, namely, turn -taking, connecting, mutual influencing and co -
creating outcomes (Egan & Resse, 201 8). There are also particular non -
verbal skills that should be followed to visibly tune in to clients. The
guidelines for the same are offered by Egan (2009), acronymed as
„SOLER‟. They are Face the Client “Squarely” (S), Adopt an “Open”
Posture (O), Remem ber that it is possible at times to “Lean” toward the
other (L), Maintain Good “Eye” Contact (E), and Try to be Relatively
“Relaxed” or Natural in These Behaviours (R).
Highlen and Hill (1984) showed it is important to understand and use non -
verbal behavio ur, because through non -verbal behaviours emotions are
communicated, conversations are regulated, it gives us important insights
during helping relationship, we can get insights on self -perceptions, and
non-verbal behaviours also give us cues when the oppo site person is not
saying much or at all but is thinking about something. Bodily behaviour,
eye behaviour, facial expressions, voice -related behaviour, observable
autonomic physiological responses, physical characteristics, space, and
general appearance ar e a few factors that play an important role in the
therapeutic dialogue for both; counselors as well as clients (Egan, 2009).
Richmond and McCroskey (2000) described a few common myths about
nonverbal behaviours: i) “Non -verbal communication is nonsense. A ll
communication involves language. Therefore, all communication is
verbal”, ii) “Non -verbal behaviour accounts for most of the munotes.in

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14 communication in human interaction”, iii) “One can read a person like a
book”, iv) “If a person does not look into your eyes whi le talking to you,
he or she is not telling the truth”, v) “Although non -verbal behaviour
differs from person to person, most non -verbal behaviours are natural to
all people”, and vi) “Non -verbal behaviour stimulates the same meaning in
different situation s”.
Thus, the present unit focuses on dialogues and non -verbal behaviour as
essential elements in a therapeutic setup.
1.5 QUESTIONS 1. Explain dialogue as a second nature of interaction with clients.
2. What are the basic (SOLER) guidelines for visibly tu ning-in to
clients.
3. Discuss non -verbal behaviour as a channel of communication.
4. Write short notes on:
a. Factors outlined by Egan (2009) that play an important role in the
therapeutic dialogue
b. Myths about non -verbal behaviours.
1.6 REFERENCES  Egan , G. & Reese, R. J. (2019). The skilled helper: A problem -
management and opportunity -development approach to helping (11th
Ed.). Cengage Learning.
 Gladding, S. T. (2014). Counselling: A comprehensive profession (7th
Ed.). New Delhi: Pearson Education (Indi an subcontinent version by
Dorling Kindersley India).

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15 2
THERAPEUTIC PRESENCE:
IMPORTANCE OF LISTENING - II
Unit Structure
2.0 Objectives
2.1 Active listening as the foundation of understanding
2.2 Forms of poor listening
2.3 Processing information from clients in a thoughtful search for
meaning
2.4 Impo rtance of listening to helpers’ own internal conversation
2.4.1 Key ingredients of successful therapy
2.4.2 Distorted listening and its forms
2.5 Summary
2.6 Questions
2.7 References
2.0 OBJECTIVES  To understand active listening as the foundation of understanding
 To understand forms of poor listening
 To learn processing information from clients
 To learn the importance of listening
 To learn key ingredients of successful therapy and forms of distorted
listening
2.1 ACTIVE LISTENING AS THE FOUNDATION OF UNDERSTANDING Just tuning in visibly with the client is not enough solely. The counselors
need to tune in visibly as well as mentally with the purpose of listening to
what the clients want to say through their complaints, intentions, stories,
decisions, proposals, points of view, narratives and much more. It may
look easy and even the to -be counselors may feel that it is easy to
understand the concept of listening to the clients and may wonder why
‘listening’ is being discussed here with so much gravity. But one needs to
know especially when one is in the role of the counselor that people often
fail to listen to one another. As put forth by Egan (2018), “Full listening
means listening actively, listening accurately, and listening for meaning.
Listening is not merely a skill. It is a rich metaphor for the helping
relationship itself - indeed, for all relationships” (p. 80). munotes.in

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16 Active listening is an important aspect which is a prerequisite in all human
services professions. For example, ‘doctor -patient relati onship’, ‘mentor -
student relationship’, etc. Listening is an important skill required to reach
out to our clients. Egan (2018) mentions that Hippocrates told aspiring
doctors to listen to the patient, and the patient will tell them what is wrong.
Today, ev en though doctors use sophisticated high -tech diagnostic
methods together with a hands -on approach in making their diagnoses,
listening to patients is still an extremely important part of health care. If
Hippocrates was living, I’m sure that he would still be giving the same
advice to doctors” (p. 80).
So, we can understand how and why active listening is an important skill
that every counselor should develop in order to be an effective counselor.
With this, let us see the forms of poor listening, which one should avoid
and take optimum care and check that one is not doing so during the
therapy session.
2.2 FORMS OF POOR LISTENING What is effective listening? Effective listening is an activity. It does not
happen automatically. It is not a state of mind lik e being relaxed or happy.
It needs effort, like any other activity or work. First, we need to
understand what it is that is the opposite of effective listening. At some
point in time, we all must have experiences that we are not heard by the
opposite perso n while we are talking or many times, we do not listen
adequately or actively to what the other person is talking about. In both
cases, there is inadequate or inactive listening. So, let us see what these
inadequate and inactive forms of listening are, whi ch lead to poor
listening. They have been discussed as follows:
Non-listening :
It happens at times that we are not really engaged actively in listening.
Most of the time, it goes unnoticed, but sometimes the opposite person
realizes that we are not listen ing carefully. For example, Kiran narrates
some issue at work to his colleague and asks a question that what the
colleague would do if he was in his place. His colleague Raj gets startled
by the question and replies that he is not sure. Kiran realizes that Raj was
not paying attention and asks him whether he was listening to what he
narrated for the last 5 minutes. Raj feels a little embarrassed as he had
strayed away from the conversation. There can be many reasons for Raj to
not be tuned in during the con versation. Even if he wanted to help his
colleague, for some reason, he just turned out.
This situation is different from a therapy session with counselors and the
counselor is set out and is bound to listen but, even the experienced
counselor’s mind may wander off during the session as they listen to
similar kinds of stories repeatedly forgetting that this client’s story is
unique to him or her. This ‘non -listening’ is a poor form of listening.
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17 Therapeutic Presence: Importance of Listening - II Partial listening :
Partial listening is listening at a sup erficial level. The counselor who
engages in partial listening may listen to bits and pieces of what the client
is saying but may leave out essential points that the client is narrating. For
example, Raj’s client Kiran is desperately searching for a new jo b and is
narrating an incident that went wrong during a job interview and could
have been avoided. Raj listens to the story partially and does not find
Kiran that interesting. Kiran stops his narration and has a look of
unhappiness on his face. To cover up the situation, Raj tries to recollect
the pieces of the story he heard partially and tries to show that he
understood the situation.
However, his attempt to show that he has understood everything that Kiran
narrated appears to be hollow and fake. Kiran n otices this and reacts in a
sad tone. This form of listening is ‘partial listening’ which can do greater
harm than non -listening since it is a pretence of listening and is fake in
nature.
Rehearsing:
Another form of poor listening is ‘rehearsing’. Let us see what it means.
For example, Raj is a novice therapist who was attending to his client
Kiran. Kiran was narrating some sort of a wild dream in the session which
he was having repeatedly, to which Raj talks mentally to himself that he
does not think that any meaning can be derived from this bizarre dream of
his client and all that must be Kiran’s speculation. Raj failed to realize that
these dreams are really disturbing Kiran. However, he is supposed to catch
the emotions that Kiran is expressing instead of thinking about the
meaning of the dreams. It happens that even if experienced counselors
ponder on how to respond to the clients, they unknowingly stop listening.
Effective counselors, in fact, listen carefully with the intention of
understanding the c ore messages and themes of the narration by the
clients. They never stop responding during the session or do not rehearse.
Their responses help the clients in the problem -managing process. Even
when the client stops speaking, effective counselors take a pa use to think
before speaking. Egan (2018) proposed that “pausing says, ‘I’m still
thinking over what you’ve just said. It seems to move the problem in a
different direction. Let me see if I can put my finger on what you’ve just
said’. Effective helpers pau se, not because they have not listened or have
nothing to say. They pause because they have listened and want to respond
helpfully” (p. 82).
Tape -recorder listening :
This form of listening is also poor in nature. The clients do not want that
the counselors to just repeat their words after listening to them. Even a
recorder that does that type of work. Clients need more than the physical
presence of the counselors while communicating. This is true in any type
of situation outside counselling as well. Psychol ogical, emotional and
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18 mere physical presence. At times, counselors fail to tune in visibly and
listen and may not be completely present mentally during the session.
These signs of partial p resence and non -listening are picked up by clients.
Generally, counselors are polite or intimated and occupied with their own
concerns during the session and may not say anything when they feel that
the clients are not present fully. But it is a disgrace if you are not listening
fully to your clients during the sessions. The clients need counselors who
are lively and not a recorder.
After studying the forms of poor listening, let us see what is empathetic
listening. We need to study this in order to train the to -be counselors to
become effective counselors. So what is empathetic listening?
Empathetic listening :
Listening to the opposite person with the value of empathy is ‘empathetic
listening’. This type of listening is suitable and active in nature and i s
opposite to poor forms of listening. Empathetic listening involves
observing, attending, listening and being with the clients, which fosters an
understanding of them and their world. However, conceptually it is not
possible to enter or get into the world of another person to experience it,
but it is not difficult to at least approximate the same. Empathic listening
is selfless in nature because counselors are fully available to their clients
while putting aside their own concerns and issues. However, Carl Rogers
emphasized that this deeper understanding of their clients and their
empathetic approach should be communicated to the clients by their
counselors. Only intense attention is not enough if the concerns of the
clients are not understood. Egan propose d that “empathic listening leads to
empathic understanding, which leads to empathic responding” (p. 82).
In order to help the clients, the counselors must be able to understand their
problems, their struggles with the same and problem management
opportunit ies. If your understanding of the client’s issues is not adequate,
your help would be off track and would not really be of any help to them.
And if your understanding is just on the surface at a superficial level, the
chances of understanding the main issu es of the client's life will decrease.
As mentioned by Egan (2018), “Carl Rogers (1980) talked passionately
about basic empathic listening - being with and understanding the other —
even calling it ‘an unappreciated way of being’ (p. 137). He used the word
‘unappreciated’ because in his view few people in the general population
developed this “deep listening” ability and even so -called expert helpers
did not give it the attention it deserved” (p. 82).
Carl Rogers describes ‘being with’ and ‘empathetic listen ing’ in his own
words: “It means entering the private perceptual world of the other and
becoming thoroughly at home in it. It involves being sensitive, moment by
moment, to the changing felt meanings which flow in this other person, to
the fear or rage or tenderness or confusion or whatever that he or she is
experiencing. It means temporarily living in the other’s life, moving about
in it delicately without making judgments” (p. 142). munotes.in

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19 Therapeutic Presence: Importance of Listening - II Now that you know what empathetic listening is, let us study the good
forms of empathetic listening. Each of them is described as follows:
Focused listening with respect to the client’s experiences, thoughts,
behaviours and affect :
As Egan (2018) puts forth, the process of helping is a ‘talking game’.
Therefore, the quality an d the kind of talk, both are important. Listening
should be unbiased and focused, where the focus should be on problem
management helping which aids the counselors to organize the
information that the clients are presenting without biases and prejudices.
Counselors listen carefully to the narratives and stories of the client in
order to help them search for insights, and solutions for both; problem
management and opportunity development to lead the clients to life -
enhancing outcomes. The narratives that the clients present during the
sessions are stories, which are a mixture of clients’ experiences, thoughts,
emotions, and behaviours.
By showing clinical mindfulness, counselors are able to organize such
information presented by the clients in order to move further toward their
goals and objectives. Bricker et. al. (2007) claim that the helpers without
any framework or schema for organizing what clients are saying risks
‘clinical drift’” (p. 25). Clients narrate their stories in the session which
are their ex periences, thoughts, emotions and behaviours. The experiences
are the activating events. Taken everything together the counselors are
listening to their clients’ personalities. Listening includes both; individual
thoughts as well as patterns of thinking wh ich are parallel to individual
emotions and patterns of emotionality triggered by internal and external
events and experiences.
Experiences are what happened to them. Thoughts are what goes through
their head and what they think. Behaviour is what they do or refrain from
doing. The affects are their moods, emotions and feelings associated with
their experiences as well as their behaviour. Counselors can understand
problem situations in depth when clients talk clearly about their specific
thoughts, behaviou rs, experiences and feelings related to specific
situations.
1. Listening to client’s experiences :
It is of utmost importance to listen and understand what clients are
narrating about their experiences. During sessions, they spend much time
talking about what happened to them. However, many times, the focus of
their stories is other people who do or fail to do something, at times the
experiences they narrate are incomplete or not clear enough and most of
the time, they portray themselves as victims. The cl ients have a general
tendency to blame others or the world in general for their problems.
One of the main reasons why problem situations are not manageable by
the clients is their passive nature or portrayal of themselves as a victim
affected by people ar ound them, family, workplace, cultural norms or
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20 under their control. Hence, they talk about these issues at large during the
counselling session.
One is not denying the fact th at few clients have been treated unfairly and
truly are victims of the behaviours of others who are there in their lives.
Counselling does help to cope with victimization however, complete
management of their problems at times needs changes in the social
settings of their lives. An effective counselor should have the capacity to
distinguish between clients who are truly victims and those who are
complainers. Please note that complaining and self -pity will not lead to
making things better for the clients. Ef fective counselors need to respect
clients’ negative experiences and also help them to move beyond their
problems.
2. Listening to clients’ thoughts and patterns of thinking :
A lot of information is processed in the client’s mind. However, clients
share t his information in a few common ways that include stating
intentions, offering proposals and plans, sharing points of view and
declaring decisions. Each one of these is discussed below.
Stating intentions, offering proposals and plans - During the counsel ling
session, clients at times state their intentions, offer proposals or narrate
situations to make a case for a few courses of action. This is done through
the thinking patterns they showcase during the sessions. They feel that this
is the way to show pr oblem management behaviour.
Sharing points of view - Clients share their points of view by discussing
their stories, making plans, reviewing obstacles, and exploring
possibilities. These points of view are their estimation of something. At
times they also feel that why others do not agree with their point of view.
Declaring decisions - Decisions which clients declare during the
counselling sessions can be tricky in nature. The way they are declared
speaks a lot in itself. Declaring a decision in most case s fails to consider
the implications it will have on others in the client’s life and most of the
time is not open to further discussion. Most of the clients declare decisions
which they have already made. The main characteristic of an effective
counselor i s to help the clients review the decisions they have made and
alter or make new decisions which will consider significant others in their
life.
3. Listening to client’s behaviours and patterns of behaviour :
Every client has a different way of speaking and expressing themselves.
Few of them talk freely about what happens in their life, about their
experiences. However, some clients may be hesitant or reluctant to talk.
This can be also due to narrating a few incidents in which even they may
be at fault. Eve ry individual at some point in their life gets into trouble and
then does things which may not help them to get out of the troubled
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21 Therapeutic Presence: Importance of Listening - II 4. Listening to the client’s feelings, emotions, and moods :
One can compare our moods, emotions and feelings to a river or stream of
water which is flowing continuously in our minds. The river or stream
most of the time is neutral and peaceful but at times can be raging and can
create turbulence which is at times dangerous and oft en beneficial. These
moods, feelings and emotions truly play an important role in clients’ life
which can lead to undeveloped opportunities and problem situations
(Angus & Greenberg, 2012; Plutchik, 2001, 2003; Rottenberg & Johnson,
2007). Ciarrochi & Maye r (2007), Ciarrochi, Forgas, & Mayer (2006),
Mayer, Roberts, & Barsade, Mayer & Salovey (1997, 2008), and Salovey
& Mayer (1990) proposed that there is a unique kind of intelligence or
ability which is known as ‘emotional intelligence. It is an ability of an
individual to make life more enhancing.
Listening to the clients’ feelings, emotions, and moods is very essential
because whatever the clients do has an underlying emotional tone. Clients’
stories, narratives, points of view, proposals, and decisions a re full of
these underlying moods, emotions and feelings. These in turn greatly
affect their lives and quality of the same. And in turn, these moods,
feelings and emotions drive or influence the client’s behaviours. As Egan
(2018), rightly mentions “Unders tanding the role of feelings, emotions,
and moods in clients’ problem situations and their desire to identify and
develop opportunities is central to the helping process. Emotions highlight
learning opportunities” (p. 89).
It has been observed through lit erature in psychology that there is a
tendency to offer more attention to negative emotions over positive
emotions. To be an effective counselor, one needs to check the positive
emotions of the clients which can prove to be beneficial to them. Research
shows that physical and psychological well -being together is promoted by
positive emotions (Salovey, Rothman, Detweiler, & Steward, 2000).
Negative emotions consume psychological resources and can be
hindrances in providing and promoting learning opportunitie s and negative
health -related behaviours. An individual needs social support as well
while managing his or her problems and developing opportunities for
growth. Research shows that having positive emotions also leads to
accepting social support if required .
Here, I would like to inform you that as a counselor, one needs to be very
attentive because it often happens that clients express their feelings
without saying a word. At times, you may also have clients who hold back
their feelings even though they fe el deeply about the same. It is your role
as an effective counselor to identify the hints and signals in both verbal
and non -verbal communication which are cues about the client’s feelings
and emotions which are troubling them inside.
An effective counsel or is able to recognize the meaning of the clients’
feelings and emotions which they express through their points of view,
intentions and proposals, stories and decisions. The meaning may not be munotes.in

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22 available in their verbal communication, but you need to deri ve it through
their non -verbal behaviours.
5. Listening for strengths, opportunities, and resources :
It is very crucial to listen to what the clients are saying in the session in
order to identify their strengths, opportunities and resources which they
mention through their verbal and non -verbal behaviours. If a counselor
listens only to the problems of the clients, the therapy will include
discussing only the problems. As an effective counselor, you need to
recognise clients’ resources in order to help th em manage their problems
and develop opportunities. As truly mentioned by Maslow (1968),
individuals tend to use only a small fraction of their potential and there is
much to be tapped yet. A counselor needs to listen to the unsaid messages
of their client s which may act as strengths while coping with problem
situations.
Aspinwall and Staudinger (2003); and Peterson and Seligman (2004)
propose that counselling should also be focused on clients’ strengths and
resources which lead to developing opportunities in order to deal with the
struggle with problem situations of the clients. Listening and identifying
hints of the capabilities of the clients should be a priority of effective
counselors. Untrained and poor counselors focus just on the problems of
the cli ents, but effective counselors look for the resources that the clients
possess but are unaware of in order to develop strengths and opportunities
to deal with their problems.
6. Listening to clients’ non -verbal messages and modifiers :
People who are able to establish and maintain relationships with others are
good at reading and understanding non -verbal behaviours (Carton,
Kessler, & Pape, 1999). An effective counselor should know that clients
give hints of the message they want to convey during a therapy session
through their non -verbal behaviours. The counselors should be able to
correctly take these hints and read the underlying messages without
distortions, misinterpretations and overinterpretations. As rightly put forth
by Egan (2018), “our nonverbal b ehaviour has a way of ‘leaking’
messages about what we really mean. The very spontaneity of nonverbal
behaviours contributes to this leakage even in the case of highly defensive
clients (Wahlstein, 1991). It is not easy for clients to fake nonverbal
behavi our” (p. 90). The way makes use of question marks, punctuation,
periods, the exclamation marks in written language, similarly, non -verbal
behaviours use body postures, facial expressions, voice quality, and bodily
movements to express the message one wants to convey. Let us see the
ways in which non -verbal behaviours are modified while communicating.
 Confirming or repeating : What is said verbally is many times
confirmed or repeated through non -verbal behaviours. For example, if
the clients are not agreeing to a certain thing, they may show it by
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23 Therapeutic Presence: Importance of Listening - II  Denying or confusing : Sometimes what the clients are saying does
not match their non -verbal behaviours. For example, a client is upset,
but denies it while saying. However, her throat is choked while saying
that and her lips shake. This shows that her verbal behaviour is denied
through her non -verbal behaviours or both the behaviours are not
matching leading to confusion.
 Adding intensity : Emotions or intensity are added by non -verbal
behaviours to verbal me ssages. For example, while narrating a sad
experience, the clients often stare at the floor which shows how
intense that experience would have been.
 Controlling or regulating : Messages through non -verbal behaviours
can be controlling and can regulate what is happening. For example,
during couple therapy, the husband might just give a glance at the
wife and she might change her words or stop talking. A non -verbal
gesture of glance has affected further communication.
 Strengthening or emphasizing : emphasizes and strengthening the
verbal message can be seen through non -verbal behaviours. For
example, clients while telling their point of view of decisions may
show firmness through their body posture to emphasize their point.
One must be cautious enough to under stand the difference between
‘reading’ non -verbal behaviours and ‘interpreting’ non -verbal behaviours.
One, listening to the clients is important to understand them and not to
make subjective interpretations of their verbal and non -verbal messages.
Costanz o (1992) proposed that counselling psychology students who are
trainee counselors may watch the video tapes of their interactions with
their clients in order to understand and learn from the non -verbal
behaviours of both; the clients and themselves. Egan ( 2018) says that once
you develop a working knowledge of nonverbal behaviour and its possible
meanings, the next step is practice (p. 91).
Listening to the entire context of what the client is narrating is important
because non -verbal behaviours often mean various things. Counselors
should also avoid getting fixated on the details of behaviour and take the
entire situation of the clients into consideration. Focusing only on the non -
verbal behaviours of the clients during a session can be an overwhelming
experience for the counselor, hence the counselor should be aware and use
non-verbal communication only to understand the clients in a better way
instead of overly focusing on the same.
Thus, we can see that empathetic listening includes both; listening to t he
clients’ verbal messages along with non -verbal behaviours. Now we move
to our next section and study the importance of processing information
from the clients in order to make thoughtful meaning of the same.
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24 2.3 PROCESSING INFORMATION FROM CLIENTS IN A THOUGHTFUL SEARCH FOR MEANING We process information when we hear it in order to understand its
meaning. An effective counselor processes this information thoughtfully.
Let us study what is thoughtful processing. Following are some guidelines
proposed by Egan (2018) to become effective counselors.
Understand clients through context :
Our clients are not just the sum of their verbal and non -verbal messages
but are more than that. The deepest form of listening is driven by the
contexts in which the clients ‘live, move and have their being’ (Cook,
2012). Along with interpreting, clients’ non -verbal behaviours, it is also
important to understand their narrations, points of view, and stories
through which they emote the messages they want to convey. This will
give us a wider context of their lives. We cannot understand our clients in
isolation, for a complete understanding we need to have a context of their
problems and their opportunities that are unused. As truly proposed by
Egan (2018) in earlier chapters, “a ll the things that make people different -
culture, personality, personal style, ethnicity, key life experiences,
education, travel, economic status, and the other forms of diversity;
provide the context for the clients’ problems and unused opportunities.
Key elements of this context become part of the client’s story, whether
they are mentioned directly or not. Effective helpers listen through this
wider context without being overwhelmed by the details of it. There are
several development frameworks that ca n help you take a contextual frame
of reference with your clients (Arnett, 2000; Egan & Cowan, 1979; Qualls
& Abeles, 2000)” (p. 94).
Identify key messages and feelings :
Information overload should be avoided by the counselors. For a
thoughtful search for meaning, the counselor should be able to identify
important factors from the clients’ verbal messages and non -verbal
behaviours.
Listen to the slant or spin and don’t avoid tough -minded listening and
processing :
In order to let the clients explore issues in-depth, this type of listening is
required which also recognizes blind spots which require to be modulated
in order to gain newer insights. Effective counselors not only listen
carefully but also try to identify spins, twists or a slant that clients may
give while telling their stories. At times clients do have distorted
perceptions about self, others or the world, however, their vision, and
feelings are real. Tough -minded listening and processing can be done by
identifying the distortions, gaps and diss onance the clients may show
during narrating their experiences. Counselors can be client -centred or
client -focused only when they are reality -centred or reality -focused during
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25 Therapeutic Presence: Importance of Listening - II Think and consider what is missing :
While talking about t heir problems and issues, often the main elements are
left out by the clients. You should be vigilant enough to spot that the
important things are missing in their stories. They narrate their story
without talking about what they felt or how they behaved. At times, the
context or reason behind narrating a story is left out. They may also tell
you their decisions without considering the implications or purpose behind
the same. As they talk about everything, the counselors should be in a
position to note what the clients are adding in their narration and what
they leave out. For example, a client will narrate a story, but often not
inform how they behaved or reacted in a particular situation.
It is important to note that identifying what is missing is not loo king for
things which clients leave unsaid like a few details. It is obvious that no
individual can narrate each and everything the way it happened. But using
one’s clinical judgment is important which is similar to what common
sense is. Use your clinical judgment to ask about the missing parts. You
will find ways of helping clients fill out their stories with essential but
missing details related to stories, points of view, and messages in later
chapters.
Now we move to our next section of this chapter wh ich explains the
importance of listening to one’s own internal conversation as a counselor,
the key ingredients of successful therapy and how to deal with distorted
listening.
2.4 IMPORTANCE OF LISTENING TO ONE’S OWN INTERNAL CONVERSATION AS A COUNSELOR When the clients are narrating their experiences, the counselors have a
conversation with themselves in order to process the information provided
by the clients. That conversation which the counselors have with
themselves is the ‘internal conversation’. An effective counselor not only
listens to the clients during a session but also listens to the self internally.
The counselor does not become preoccupied with self, but an internal
conversation is important in the secondary channel in order to decide how
to give help to the clients through therapy. It can be called a positive type
of self -consciousness required parallelly during the session.
At times, this second channel which is parallelly on in the counselors’
mind can be overwhelming and may be visible th rough the counselors’
non-verbal behaviours. One needs to be very careful during the session
and should be conscious enough to understand how to interact with the
clients in a better way while listening to one’s own internal dialogue while
being aware of y our own non -verbal behaviours as well.
Internal conversation or dialogue is an ongoing process and is on all the
time. The counselor needs to be careful as it can cause a distraction during
the session and the mind may wander off. But if used wisely, it c an be a
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26 that the counselors’ internal conversations were generally helpful rather
than hindering from both the trainee and student -client perspectives (p.
443). Clients also have a n internal conversation the way the counselors
have it. Helping the clients talk about the key points which they have in
their internal conversations is an important task for the counselors.
2.4.1 Key ingredie nts of successful therapy:
Now let us study wh at is required to make the therapeutic experience
successful for the clients. An effective counselor carefully follows the
following practices during the sessions to make therapy a success.
Listening to the client :
The counselors aim to give full attentio n to their clients by listening
carefully to their stories, opportunities, expectations, requirements, what
they feel is important, struggles, concerns, reactions during the session,
non-verbal behaviours, their apprehensions to drive the session, their
understanding and readiness towards the therapy, hesitations and
uncertainties they try to express and participation. The foremost
responsibility and professional duty of the counselors are to listen to their
clients.
Listening to ourselves as therapists :
The counselors along with listening to the clients, need to listen to
themselves as well which includes the ways through which they impact
their clients, their own hesitations and uncertainties, the way they get
affected by the clients, mistakes they make, own emotions, difficulties
they may face, their genuineness, the effectiveness of the therapy and
ways to not get preoccupied with themselves of overwhelmed. Listening
to self along with listening to the clients during the session is also a
responsibility of the counselors.
Listening to the relationship :
In order to identify what is working or what needs attention in the therapy,
counselors need to listen carefully to the relationship they build with the
clients and also understand how this collaboration c an be developed in
order to make therapy a success. Effective counselors also pay attention to
the quality of dialogue during the therapy session and also to the ways
they or their clients influence each other, recognize any hurdles that may
arise and the way to deal with those hurdles. Finally, good outcomes make
relationships better.
Listening to the flow of communication and dialogue :
Counselors pay attention and listen to how effectively they and their
clients are forming a collaboration through dialog ue. Counselors are able
to tailor the communication to the needs of the clients by listening to how
the clients are responding during the session. Counselors also listen
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27 Therapeutic Presence: Importance of Listening - II to engage t he clients as fully as possible and have a dialogue, the
counselors use their communication skills quietly.
Listening to the two -way feedback between clients and helpers :
In order to keep a track of the progress of the clients and to maintain the
quality of the session, the counselors listen to both; formal and informal
feedback from the clients. The counselors consider all the feedback from
the clients thoughtfully.
Listening to the flow of the method of therapy :
Counselors pay attention and look for hin ts or signs from the clients to
understand the effectiveness of the method of the therapy. They listen to
and make note of the difficulties the clients might be facing during any
phase of the therapy. Counselors try to catch the problems faced by the
clien ts and use the problem -management framework to achieve the
expected outcomes. They also try to find out cues of the level of
commitment that the clients show towards the therapy and the behaviour
modification involved to achieve the outcomes.
Listening to the decisions being made :
Effective counselors listen to the overall ways the clients make their
decisions about something. Counselors pay minute attention when clients
have some ideas about making decisions about something in order to think
about the con sequences and decisions which are intended or unintended.
They listen to what the clients are saying to identify clues about the
clients’ thoughts behind taking some decisions or the reasons behind their
indecisiveness. At times, the clients declare their decisions out of nowhere
without considering the consequences. Counselors listen to those
declarations in order to make meaning behind the same. Counselors also
keep a check on their decision during the counselling session to decide the
flow of the therapy while responding to the client.
Counselors need to listen to their own selves to make appropriate
decisions for the sake of their clients. Egan (2018) says that helpers need
to listen to or stay in touch with their own decision -making styles.
Responding to clients involves a whole series of decisions. Ongoing
research on ‘naturalistic’ or ‘adaptive’ decision making (Klein, 1998,
2008, 2011; Schraagen, Militello, Ormerod, & Lipshitz, 2008) shows that
the kind of ‘fast’ decisions experts such as firefighter s and airline pilots
make on the spot makes sense under two conditions. They must be skilled
and experienced” (p. 100). Counselors need to be skilled, principled and
experienced since there can be occasions which are complex or ambiguous
and the counselor may need to make some important decisions during the
counselling process.

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28 Listening to the key assumptions, beliefs, values, norms, ethical issues,
and moral issues in play :
It is very important to listen to the clients’ stories in an unbiased manner
considering their personal values, norms, ethnicity, culture, beliefs,
assumptions and morals which may or may not influence the clients. The
above -mentioned factors directly or indirectly affect the clients’ lives
which they may bring with them to the thera py session. Therefore,
listening carefully to these factors and focusing on the clients through their
lens is very essential.
2.4.2 Di storted listening and its forms:
After studying listening, now we know that it is not easy to be engaged in
it and requir es effort on the part of the counselors. Distractions and
hindrances are bound to happen however, it is the counselors’ job to stay
fully tuned during the session. Listening to the clients also includes
listening to and interpreting their non -verbal behavi our of the clients.
Outside counselling sessions too, you may see the following forms of
distortions while listening to others while having a communication with
them. These distortions also hinder during therapy sessions with the
clients while having a dia logue. At times, there can be more than one type
of distortion which may interfere while having a dialogue with the clients.
Counselors never intend to bring these distortions into the therapy session
and hence they are the dark side that may take place un knowingly.
Counselors, at times, may not even realize that these forms of distortions
are taking place during the session. However, they create obstacles to
having open -minded listening and processing of information which is
essential for real dialogue dur ing the sessions between the counselors and
the clients. The following are a few forms of distorted listening which are
explained for better understanding of which the counselors should be
mindful of in order to avoid them during having a dialogue with the
clients.
Filtered listening :
Listening to the other person in a completely unbiased way is impossible
for any human. We develop kind of various filters through socializing with
others through which we listen to others, the world around us and
ourselves a s well. Hall mentioned that one of the functions of culture is to
provide a highly selective screen between man and the outside world.
Therefore, culture in its many forms designates what we pay attention to
and what we ignore. This screening provides the structure for the world (p.
85). Filters help us with structure while interacting with others in the
world. However, we form various biases while listening to others due to
the filters formed by our personal, family, society - and culture -based
concepts of which we are not aware most of the time.
Biases are greater if the cultural filters are stronger in nature. For example,
upper -class and upper -caste counselors may have an upper -class and caste
filter while listening to the lowest caste or class person. B ut there will be
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29 Therapeutic Presence: Importance of Listening - II possibility that the counselors’ cultural filters create bias. Similarly,
conscious or unconscious prejudices too can lead to distorted
understanding. Counselors too are h uman and are bound to have gender,
class, caste, culture, nationality, sexual orientation, religious, and political
preferences. In these cases, to avoid biases and prejudices the counselors
should have self -knowledge and awareness which will avoid filtere d
listening and eventually win over distortions during listening to the clients
Evaluative listening :
Attentive listening does not mean there are no distortions. Even if one is
listening attentively, the listener can be evaluative which can lead to
distor ted listening. This means that they listen with attention, but while
doing so they judge the other persons based on what they are narrating and
immediately make judgements based on good or bad, acceptable or
unacceptable, right or wrong, relevant or irrele vant, likeable or unlikeable
and so on. This is a universal tendency and counselors are not exceptions
for the same.
Evaluative listening can lead to advice which will take away the essence
of counselling. The advice may be sound but the purpose of counse lling is
not giving advice. The counselors should first understand the clients and
then if required help them to challenge themselves for positive outcomes.
Evaluation will only offend the clients and will do no good to them.
Evaluation should not be judgm ental. Evaluation for understanding is
different from evaluative listening. Though all humans tend to evaluate
while listening, the counselors should be well aware of this and try to
avoid evaluative listening for the interest of the clients while consider ing
their background and points of view.
Stereo -based listening :
Even if stereotypes may have some validity at a certain point, no one likes
to be stereotyped. The labels one gives to the other person cause a great
hindrance to empathetic understanding. P sychotherapies are no exception
in creating labels, for example, diagnostic categories like Type A
personality or maniac and so on. Counselors should not forget that these
labels should be used for convenience in order to interpret the clients
instead of u nderstanding them having a certain type of disorder. Let not
labelling and stereotypes be a hindrance and create distorted listening
during the counselling session. With reference to Gestalt psychology, let
the clients be the ‘figure’ in the foreground dur ing the session and the
models or therapies which can create stereotypes be the background which
is used only to understand the client and their uniqueness.
Fact -centred rathe r than person -centred listening:
Few counselors tend to ask their clients many q uestions to acquire
information as if acquiring facts about the clients will cure them. This may
lead to collecting information but missing the person. The key factor to
avoiding distorted listening is listening to the clients contextually by trying
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30 focus on the style of narration that the clients present in order to explore
more.
Sympathetic listening :
Counselors tend to feel sympathy for the clients since most of the clients
have faced adverse conditions in their life and have been victims in
society. It may happen that sympathy if felt strongly, may lead to distorted
listening during the counselling session.
Sympathy has a definite place in human relationships but as a matter of
fact, sympathy is not of much help in counselling relationships. Sympathy
can lead to taking sides by becoming accomplices with the clients when
they are narrating their stories. Counselors need to know the complete
story without taking sides in order to help th e clients in a better way.
Sympathizing with the clients can also lead to self -pity which can act as an
obstacle to taking action for problem managing.
Sympathy has an unmistakable place in human relationships, but its “use,”
if that does not sound too in human, is limited in helping. In a sense, when
one sympathizes with someone, he or she becomes the other person’s
accomplice. If the counselor sympathizes with the client as she tells me
how awful her husband is, I take sides without knowing what the compl ete
story is. Expressing sympathy can reinforce self -pity, which has a way of
driving out problem -managing action. Hence, sympathetic listening which
is not objective in nature is a form of distorted listening.
Interrupting :
Interrupting the clients is a form of distorted listening because when
counselors interrupt their clients during a session, they stop listening and
also before interrupting, they kind of rehearse it mentally which leads to
partial listening. However, an effective counselor should know the
difference between interruption and forming a dialogue with the clients. If
interruption serves the purpose of dialogue which is crucial for the process
of problem management, then it can be useful. However, care should be
taken by the counselor while forming a dialogue in order to avoid
interruption as a form of distorted listening.
Thus, we learnt about active listening as the foundation of understanding,
forms of poor listening, processing information from clients in a
thoughtful search for meaning, the importance of listening to the helpers’
own internal conversation, key ingredients of successful therapy and forms
of distorted listening.
2.5 SUMMARY Active listening is an important aspect which is a prerequisite in all human
services professions, s uch as ‘doctor -patient relationship’, ‘mentor -student
relationship’, etc. It is an important skill required to reach out to our
clients. Non -listening, partial listening, rehearsing, and tape -recorder
listening are the poor forms of listening that we learn ed in this chapter munotes.in

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31 Therapeutic Presence: Importance of Listening - II while learning about active listening. We also learned about empathetic
listening which involves focused listening with respect to the client’s
experiences, thoughts, behaviours and affects. Information from clients
can be processed in a thoughtful search for meaning by i) understanding
clients through context, ii) identifying key messages and feelings, iii)
listening to the slant or spin and don’t avoid tough -minded listening and
processing, and iv) thinking and considering what is missi ng. We also
learned about the importance of listening to one’s own internal
conversation as a counselor.
Furthermore, key ingredients of successful therapy involve listening to the
clients, ourselves as counselors/ therapists, the relationship, the flow o f
communication and dialogue, two -way feedback between clients and
helpers, the flow of the method of therapy, decisions being made, and the
key assumptions, beliefs, values, norms, ethical issues, and moral issues in
play. On the other hand, distorted lis tening may take place in the form of
filtered listening, evaluative listening, stereo -based listening, fact -centred
rather than person -centred listening, sympathetic learning, and
interrupting.
2.6 QUESTIONS 1. Discuss various poor forms of listening.
2. Elaborate on empathetic listening.
3. Write a detailed note on Processing information from clients in a
thoughtful search for meaning.
4. Discuss the key ingredients of successful therapy.
5. Discuss distorted listening along with its various forms.
6. Write short notes on:
a. Active listening as a foundation of understanding.
b. Non-listening
c. Partial listening
d. Evaluative listening
e. Sympathetic listening


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32 2.7 REFERENCES  Egan, G. & Reese, R. J. (2019). The skilled helper: A problem -
management and op portunity -development approach to helping (11th
Ed.). Cengage Learning.
 Gladding, S. T. (2014). Counselling: A comprehensive profession (7th
Ed.). New Delhi: Pearson Education (Indian subcontinent version by
Dorling Kindersley India).


*****
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33 3
EMPATHIC RESPONDING - I
Unit Structure
3.0 Objectives
3.1 Introduction
3.1.1 Importance of responding skills in developing relationships with
clients
3.1.2 Empathy as a communication skill to develop relationships
3.1.3 Wider view of empathy: Emp athic/Empathetic responding
3.2 Three dimensions of responding skills
3.2.1 Perceptiveness as the foundation of responding skills,
3.2.2 Basic know -how of responding well
3.2.3 Assertiveness in responding to clients
3.3 Basic formula for communica ting empathy
3.3.1 Responding accurately to clients’ feelings, emotions, and moods
3.3.2 Responding accurately to the key experiences, thoughts, and
behaviours in clients’ stories
3.4 Summary
3.5 Questions
3.6 References
3.0 OBJECTIVES  To understand th e importance of responding skills .
 To understand and learn empathy as a communication skill .
 To learn three dimensions of responding skills .
 To learn the basic formula for communicating empathy .
3.1 INTRODUCTION Listening to clients serves two purposes in the counselling process; first to
understand the clients and second to respond to them in constructive ways.
Listening is at the heart of understanding since it is a very active process
during therapy. Tuning in to the clients at both the levels (psycholog ically
and physically), understanding the context, recognising the main
messages, ideas and points of view of the clients and helping the clients
understand themselves is the function of listening. Now that we are clear
about the importance of listening, l et us study what are responding skills
and the importance of the same in order to develop therapeutic
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34 3.1.1 Importance of Responding Skills in Developing Relationships
with Clients :
Counselors do not just listen to their cl ients, but also respond to them in
various ways. They respond to share that they do understand their clients,
to make sure that they understood things correctly, to get more clarity, to
summarize what is being discussed and to help the clients challenge
themselves for problem management. A counselling process is not one -
way. Counselors respond to their clients and clients respond to their
counselors which leads to the formation of therapeutic dialogue.
The values discussed in other chapters including empat hy should be
incorporated by the counselors while responding to the clients. Empathetic
responding, probing when required, summarizing during the sessions and
promoting self -challenge to the clients are done by the counselors, which
helps the clients to na rrate and explore their own stories from different
perspectives. This leads to exploring different possibilities for a better
future for the clients, setting goals, developing plans to achieve the goals
and making a plan for problem management as well as f or action required
for the development of opportunities.
Egan and Resse (2018) proposed that communication skills which are to
be used by an effective counselor should not be just limited to the
counselling sessions, but in fact, brought to action during everyday
interactions with each other. However, in reality, effective communication
rarely happens in our everyday life. They also believe that expression of
empathy is important because everyone wants to be understood by others
and when one feels that he or she is better understood, he or she tends to
function better. Empathy is also an essential characteristic of civil society.
Showing empathy leads to exhibiting respect towards others. Hence,
responding empathetically is crucial to building relationships .
3.1.2 Empathy as a Communication Skill to Develop Relationships :
It is not necessary every time to show understanding through words. Many
times people show understanding through actions in subtle and rich ways.
People often show empathy through actions which are equally valuable
like words while responding with empathy. At times people find it
difficult to show care and empathy through verbal communication but
both responses (verbal and non -verbal) are essential to show empathy.
In any case, the therapeu tic alliance between the clients and the counselors
should be an empathetic relationship. Communicating empathy by the
counselors to the clients should be natural and not require some extra
effort. It should be the characteristic of every counselling sessi on and not
just be an ‘add -on’. As mentioned by Pedersen et. al. (2008), there should
be ‘inclusive cultural empathy’ towards each facet of the conversation
between the counselors and the clients. Empathy should not be a
celebrated characteristic, but sho uld be a basic human feature. The
technique of including empathy in every communication is humanized and
civilized for every relationship. According to Zaki, Bolger, and Ochsner
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35 Empathic Responding - I counselling sessions. Willingness to reveal themselves is essential on the
clients’ part, whereas the counselors should be ready to show
understanding. Egan and Resse (2018) show another way of looking at the
wholeness of empathy which states that “at one level there is, a verbal
dialogue between clients and helpers. But at another level, there should
also be an ongoing social -emotional dialogue between helpers and clients.
This makes the relationship real and genuine” (p. 106). Goleman and
Boyatzis (2008) and Zaki, et . al. (2008) researched empathy from
neuroscience’s perspectives to understand empathy. Research in this field
proposes that when two individuals engage in empathetic dialogue, the
quality and substance of words used also change. They call it the
‘technolo gy’ of empathy and one must look at empathy through this lens
for better understanding.
3.1.3 A Wider View of Empathy: Empathic/ Empathetic Responding :
Helping professions consider empathy of great value and believe it to be
favourable in therapeutic al liances. According to Slattery & Park (2011),
few researchers propose that empathy is just not a value or skill required
in counselling but is a mode of treatment. Egan and Resse (2018) describe
empathy as listening and showing non -judgmental understanding towards
your clients about what they think and feel. Rogers (1980) describes
empathy (quoted in Elliott et al. article, p. 133) as the therapist’s sensitive
ability and willingness to understand the clients’ thoughts, feelings, and
struggles from the clie nts’ point of view. It is this ability to see completely
through clients’ eyes and adopt their frame of reference (p. 85). It means
entering the private perceptual world of the other and being sensitive,
moment by moment, to the changing felt meanings whic h flow in this
other person. It means sensing meanings of which he or she is scarcely
aware (p. 142).
Rogers states that it is important to make clients get in touch with the
meanings of the story they narrate during the sessions. He also says that
empathy is acquired from clients’ frames of reference and is not just a
plain interpretation of what the clients are stating. It is the need of the
counselors to understand their clients, the way their clients see themselves,
others and the world. It is related t o the accuracy of listening to the clients
and the thoughtful processing of what they say. Empathy is the desire to
put forth clients and try to get together with the clients’ efforts when they
try to manage problematic situations in their lives. The outco me of
empathy should be the natural outcome of the counselling session.
Norcross (2010) proposed that empathy is linked to outcomes because it
serves a positive relationship function, facilitates a corrective emotional
experience, promotes exploration and meaning creation, and supports
clients’ self -healing (p. 119).
In his book, entirely on empathy in counselling and therapy, author Arthur
Clark (2007) mentions the importance of the role of empathy in 13
different methods of treatment. He is the one who ca me up with a wider
view of empathy and describes three kinds of empathy namely; subjective
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36 Clark (2007), subjective empathy enables the counselors to momentarily
identify with the clients t hrough intuitive reactions and fleetingly imagine
and experience what it is like to be the clients (p. 349). Counselors show
this type of understanding when they themselves understand their own self
and when they have exposure to reality as well as imagina tive experiences
similar to those of the clients. For example, when clients narrate their
struggles, counselors briefly recall their own struggles in a similar
situation. This brief recall is not a distraction for the counselors, but
instead adds to their understanding of the clients.
The second type of empathy; objective empathy comes from what is
learned by the counselors in different situations and experiences as well as
read in well -credited theories and research. For example, a counselor is
listening to the client’s narrative and finds characteristics of anxiety.
Recognizing these characteristics add to the understanding of the client in
a better way. Both types of empathy - subjective and objective - provide
some kind of understanding to the counselor s of their clients. However,
these understandings obtained in the sessions are not directly or
immediately shared with the client. For example, the counselors will not
say, “I can clearly see that you have anxiety symptoms.”
The third type of empathy propo sed by Clark (2007) is interpersonal
empathy. It is a kind of empathy which is referred to while studying
counselling and therapy. It is the ability to understand clients’ frames of
reference and what the clients are feeling and thinking along with the
ability to communicate this understanding without any biases and
prejudices to the clients. It is likely that the clients will move forward in
the therapeutic process if they feel heard and understood by the
counselors. This in turn strengthens the therapeuti c alliance, leads to a
deeper understanding of self, better hold on problematic situations and
clarity of idea of what the expected and desired outcome of the problem
management is and so on.
Overall, all types of empathy are interlinked to each other and are essential
to facilitate and aid the therapeutic process. However, both subjective and
objective empathy can stand in a way of effective counselling if not used
with caution. When the counselors’ subjective experiences or objective
information linger d uring the session, both types of empathy may impede
the counselling process. This does not mean that subjective and objective
empathy is always a hindrance but rather they should be in a position to
complement interpersonal empathy and not be central in th e therapeutic
process. The literature on empathy is wide. Hence, there is no one pure
and true approach to empathy. The approach more or less should be based
on the needs of the clients to drive them further in the helping process. A
counselor should remem ber that clients and their concerns are of primary
importance in the counselling process and an effective counselor is able to
instinctively use subjective and objective empathy along with
interpersonal empathy to serve the needs of the clients immediately .
Subjective and objective empathy has its own importance to aid the
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37 Empathic Responding - I 3.2 THREE DIMENSIONS OF RESPONDING SKILLS This section is a kind of anatomy of the process of responding with
empathy, wh ich means understanding the same while looking at its parts.
The purpose of cutting it into different parts will aid a deeper
understanding of the process involved in counselling. The parts are skill -
in-action which will help us to study the process of res ponding with
empathy in a better manner. Egan and Resse (2018) proposed that the
communication skills involved in responding to clients have three
dimensions namely; perceptiveness, know -how and assertiveness (p. 110).
Let us study how each dimension looks in responding with empathy.
3.2.1 Perceptiveness as the Foundation of Responding Skills :
Feeling empathetic by the counselors is helpful only if the perceptions of
the counselors are accurate. However, easier said than done, the accuracy
of perceptions is more complicated than one would think. Ickes (1993,
1997); and Mast and Ickes (2007) defined ‘empathic accuracy’ as “the
ability to accurately infer the specific content of another person’s thought
and feelings” (p. 588). According to them, the ability to have empathetic
accuracy leads to success in many walks of life. People who are
emphatically accurate perceivers are consistently good at reading others’
feelings and thoughts. They are also tactful advisors, effective negotiators,
diplomatic officials, p roductive salespersons, successful teachers,
influential politicians and most importantly insightful therapists.
Such people having accuracy in perceptions are also capable of knitting
their perceptions into their dialogues. Counselors do the same by shar ing
empathetic responses with their clients. An empathetic response is an
accurate communication of one’s understanding of another person from
that person’s point of view. However, it can be said to be accurate only if
it is perceived to be accurate by the clients (Hodges, 2005). The
components of this accurate perception are the understanding of the
counselors, the communication of that understanding to the clients by the
counselors and the clients’ perception of the accuracy. One should have
caution with accuracy as it is subject to numerous uncertainties involved
in the relationship. Inaccurate perceptions during the counselling process
can disrupt the process. A good counselor’s perceptiveness emerges from
basic intelligence, experience, social intellige nce, reflection on one’s
experience, development of wisdom, tuning in to the clients, listening
carefully and thoughtful and objective processing of the information.
More importantly, perceptiveness is an important part of social -emotional
maturity. The e ffective perceptiveness is not one -sided and rather depends
on the clients as well. However, a counselor's perceptiveness if perceived
by the clients leads to collaborative discussion and shared understanding
with the clients finally helping the clients to move forward to problem
management.
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38 3.2.2 Basic Know -How of Responding Well :
As a counselor, as one knows the kind of response is essential during the
session, he or she should be in a position to deliver the same. For example,
if the clients are confus ed and apprehensive in the session since it is their
first session, it is crucial that you should know how to translate your
understanding and perceptions into words to make them feel at ease. The
counselors should be perceptive and should know how to addr ess the
clients in order to decrease their anxiety or hesitation shown by them
during the session. This unit will help you to understand and develop the
know -how of responding well with effective communication with accurate
empathetic understanding of your clients.
3.2.3 Assertiveness in Responding to Clients :
Excellent know -how of responding and accurate perceptiveness are
meaningless if both are not shown by you to your clients. It is crucial to
make them a part of the therapeutic dialogue. It is importa nt to share both
with your clients in order to have assertiveness in responding to your
clients. Assertiveness in any case should not override perceptiveness and
know -how otherwise it can have bad results.
Thus, the three dimensions, namely, perceptivenes s, know -how and
assertiveness of responding apply to all the communication skills essential
during the therapeutic process in all the stages and tasks of problem
management of the counselling process.
3.3 BASIC FORMULA FOR COMMUNICATING EMPATHY Few resear chers are of the opinion that teaching counselors to respond
with empathy is difficult and rigid. Egan and Reese (2018) say that
empathy can be taught, but all communication skills come to life, are
personalized, and become part of one’s interpersonal rela tionship style
only through genuine day -to-day use (p. 112). However, they also
proposed how to develop therapeutic communication training programs
for the counselors in the following sections of this chapter.
Now let us see how basic empathetic understan ding can be expressed.
The counselors can begin the statement by saying:
 You feel ……….. (name the appropriate emotion expressed by the
clients).
 Because ………… (mention the appropriate experiences, behaviours
and thoughts that led to these emotions or feeli ngs).
Let us have a glance at the following example:
Example 3.1
The client is talking about his knee pain and his caregivers are busy and
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39 Empathic Responding - I with the daily chores on his or her own. A possible communication
between the client and the counselor could be like this.
 Counselor: You are feeling bad not only because you are in pain but
also due to your inability to go on with your daily routine on your
own and you feel that your freedo m and movement have been
curtailed.
 Client: Yes, right! I can still manage the pain somehow but not being
able to get around on my own is very disturbing and feels like being
prisoned.
The discussion further leads to the counselor pointing the ways of
mana ging the both client’s problems of the pain as well as restricted
movements.
The basic formula of communicating empathy – ‘You feel …….. because
………’ is a beginner’s guideline to get used to responding with empathy
accurately. The key points of the client’ s story, narrative, point of view,
proposals, intentions, decisions, moods, feelings, and emotions associated
with them are the main focus of this basic formula. The accuracy of the
counselor’s response by using this formula for empathetic communication
does not solve the client’s problem in itself, but the client gets a chance to
vent out his or her concerns and find different perspectives to manage the
problem.
3.3.1 Responding Accurately to Client’s, Feelings Emotions and
Moods :
What is the importance o f moods, feelings and emotions in our lives has
been discussed in previous chapters. It is very essential that the counselors
should respond to the client’s emotions and feelings in such a manner
which will help to go forward in the helping process. For th is, it is very
important to identify the main emotion the clients are either discussing or
expressing (counselor’s perceptiveness) during the session and then
including them into the dialogue (counselor’s know -how) even if they are
messy or sensitive (coun selor’s assertiveness).
Following are a few guidelines which can be used to respond with
accurate empathy to the client’s moods, emotions and feelings:
 Use the right intensity and the right family of emotions: While using
the basic formula to communicate empathy, use the right family of
emotions and appropriate intensity. For example, ‘hurt’, ‘relieved’,
‘enthusiastic’, ‘angry’, etc. are different families of emotions.
However, ‘annoyed’, ‘furious’, and ‘angry’ are emotions of the same
family but depict di fferent intensities. Another example of different
families of emotions is feeling ‘mad’, ‘bad’, ‘sad’, ‘glad’ and the
feeling ‘happy’, ‘content’, ‘overjoyed’ are intensity within the ‘glad’
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40  Distinguish between discussed and expressed f eelings: During the
counselling session, clients often express the emotions they are
feeling during the session along with speaking about the emotions
they felt at the time of the experience they had in the past. It is very
crucial to understand the differ ence between these two emotions
which are expressed and discussed. Clients do not always point out
and/or name their emotions and feelings. It is the counselors’
understanding to distinguish between the two; discussed emotion
which they are narrating durin g the session and expressed emotion
which is a part of the message. It is very important to identify and
understand the difference between the two.
Read and respond to feelings and emotions embedded in clients’
nonverbal behaviour: Most of the time the cou nselors need to read the
clients’ emotions which include the family of the emotion and
intensities of the emotion through their non -verbal behaviour. The
counselors should be in a position to understand the emotion behind
the clients’ non -verbal behaviour which is intense and to identify the
broad family under which the emotion falls along with the intensity of
the emotion. This will lead to a better understanding when the clients
are revealing their experiences, thoughts and behaviours which gave
rise to t hese emotions.
 Be sensitive in naming emotions: It may happen that few clients may
feel threatened when they find that their emotions and feelings are
being identified, named and discussed by the counselors. There are
wide differences in cultural sensitiv ities and also personal sensitivities
within a culture. If this is the case, it is better if the counselors focus
more on thoughts, experiences and behaviours initially and then only
gradually proceed to discuss the emotions and feelings of the clients.
If the clients feel threatened when their emotion is pointed out or
named, they may deny and push it aside and start a new narrative.
This shows the clients’ resistance and change of topic. In such cases,
the counselors should give some time to the clients a nd allow the
clients themselves to name the sensitive emotion. However, every
time avoiding naming the emotion may not be helpful for the clients
as well and may rob the robustness of the therapeutic process. Also,
remember that clients are not fragile the way we think they must be.
 Use Variety in Responding to Clients’ Feelings and Emotions: The
way the clients express their emotions and feelings in different ways,
it is crucial that the counselors also should communicate their
understanding of the client s’ feelings in a variety of different ways. It
can be done by using single words, different kinds of phrases, through
implications of the behavioural statements made by the clients and
through implications of the experiences the clients are discussing. For
example, responding in single words by naming the emotion the
clients are showing or expressing or responding by using a phrase
appropriate to the emotion. Implied emotion can be shown through a
statement likewise implied experiences that the clients are discussing
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41 Empathic Responding - I the counselors should discard the formula and use one’s own language
instead of the textbook words to make sense to the clients. This will
help the counselors to go beyond textb ooks and develop a variety of
ways to communicate their understanding of the clients’ emotions and
feelings. This will help the counselors not to sound fake and
unnatural. With experience in the field, the counselors will be able to
extend the range of exp ressions while being at the service of the
clients and having a variety of responses will become the counselors’
second nature.
 Neither overemphasize nor underemphasize feelings, emotions, and
moods: This may happen that in the process of following the
guidelines, the counselors may take an overly rational approach and
ignore the clients’ emotions, feelings and moods. Do not indulge in
excessive questioning of your clients with questions about their
feelings in order to extort answers. Though clients’ feel ings, emotions
and moods are important, they are not everything and it is best if the
counselors try to find the links between the clients’ moods, feelings
and emotions and the experiences, behaviours and thoughts of the
clients that gave rise to them.
3.3.2 Responding Accurately to the Key Experiences, Thoughts, and
Behaviours in Client’s Stories:
So now we know that the key experiences, behaviours and thoughts of the
clients have given rise to the feelings, moods and emotions of the clients.
As Egan and Resse (2018) proposed that the ‘because ……...;’ in the
empathic -response formula is to be followed by an indication of the
experiences, thoughts, and behaviours that underlie the client’s feelings (p.
117). The helper’s response recognizes the clients’ s atisfaction and also
how important it is for the clients to feel both safe and free (p.118). The
flavour of the clients’ experiences, behaviours, expressed feelings and
attitudes is captured by the counselors and expressed in the response to the
clients.
The clients perhaps share their perceived sense of helplessness once the
counselors communicate the understanding of the clients’ situation from
their point of view. The counselors also get to know whether the clients
have tried a few approaches in order t o manage the problem situation
before seeking therapy. This information may show the counselors how
true is the perceived sense of helplessness shown by the clients. It is also
important to recognize the core of what the clients are saying when the
clients declare their decisions or express their desire to handle something.
The clients may also be implementing some techniques to manage their
problems outside therapy sessions. In such cases, the counselors need to
check the success rate of the techniques th e clients are adhering to and
discuss it with the clients in order to keep the clients away from
backsliding.
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42 relation ships and a wider view of empathy, the present unit dealt with the
three dimensions of responding skills namely; perceptiveness as the
foundation of responding skills, basic know -how of responding well,
assertiveness in responding to clients. We studied th e basic formula for
communicating empathy and responding accurately to clients’ feelings,
emotions, and moods, responding accurately to the key experiences,
thoughts, and behaviours in clients’ stories in the last section of this unit.
The next unit will help us to learn the tactics for responding with empathy,
responding to the context, and using empathy to achieve therapeutic goals
as an extended part of the basic formula for communicating empathy. It
will also enable us to understand how to become compe tent and confident
in responding with empathy and its principles and guidelines.
3.4 SUMMARY In this unit, we learned the importance of responding skills in developing
relationships with clients by understanding empathetic relationships and
empathetic res ponding. We also learned about perceptiveness, basic know -
how of responding well and assertiveness as three dimensions of
responding skills. We further discussed how counselors can respond with
empathy by understanding the basic formula for communicating e mpathy,
that is, how to respond accurately to clients’ moods, feelings and emotions
with few guidelines, and how to respond accurately to the key
experiences, thoughts, and behaviours in client’s stories. The next unit
focuses on the tactics for responding with empathy, responding to the
context, and using empathy to achieve therapeutic goals as an extended
part of the basic formula for communicating empathy.
3.5 QUESTIONS 1. Discuss the importance of responding skills in developing
relationships with clien ts along with empathetic relationships and
empathetic responding.
2. Elaborate on three dimensions of responding skills.
3. Write a detailed note on the basic formula for communicating
empathy.
4. Write short notes on:
a. Empathy as a communication skill t o develop relationships
b. Empathic/ empathetic responding
c. Three dimensions of responding skills

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43 Empathic Responding - I 3.6 REFERENCES  Egan, G. & Reese, R. J. (2019). The skilled helper: A problem -
management and opportunity -development approach to helping (11th
Ed.). Cengag e Learning.
 Gladding, S. T. (2014). Counselling: A comprehensive profession (7th
Ed.). New Delhi: Pearson Education (Indian subcontinent version by
Dorling Kindersley India).


*****
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44 4
EMPATHIC RESPONDING - II
Unit Structure
4.0 Objectives
4.1 Introduction
4.2 Basic Formula for Communicating Empathy
4.2.1 Tactics for Responding with Empathy
4.2.2 Responding to the Context
4.2.3 Using empathy to achieve therapeutic goals
4.3 Becoming C ompetent and Confident in Responding with Empathy
4.3.1 Principles and Guidelines
4.4 Summary
4.5 Questions
4.6 References
4.0 OBJECTIVES  To learn the basic formula of communicating empathy
 To understand how to become competent and confident in responding
with empathy
 To know the principles and guidelines regarding responding with
empathy
4.1 INTRODUCTION Responding With Empathy:
Although many people feel empathy for others and value empathy, very
few know how to put empathic/ empathetic understanding into words.
Therefore, unfortunately responding with empathy through appropriate
communication during conversations relatively becomes an unlikely event
in everyday life. Maybe this is the reason why it is so powerful in
counselling settings. Clients often rep ort that the most helpful thing to
happen in counselling sessions is being understood by someone since
many of them have an unfulfilled need to be understood in their lives.
They do not find that in their everyday life outside the counselling
sessions.
4.2 BASIC FORMULA FOR COMMUNICATING EMPATHY This section provides an extended knowledge, in continuation to a
previous unit discussing the basic formula for communicating empathy, munotes.in

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45 Empathic Responding - II with a few other important points. It shares knowledge about some tactics
for responding with empathy, how to respond to the context and how to
use empathy to achieve the therapeutic goals. Let us have a look at each of
these parts of the basic formula for communicating empathy.
4.2.1 Tactics for Responding with Empathy :
Below are a few tactics that will help you as a counselor to improve the
quality of the responses you give to your clients.
Give yourself time to think:
Novice counselors often dive in too quickly with an empathetic response
when the clients take a pause. Here, ‘too quickly’ means the counselors do
not allow themselves to take enough time to think and reflect on what the
clients just narrated, which is necessary to identify the core message
communicated by the clients. Watching videos of competent and
professional the rapists may help beginners. They often take appropriate
pauses and do not rush. They allow themselves to comprehend what the
clients are saying.
Use short responses:
The therapeutic alliance and counselling process work best when the
clients are engaged i n a dialogue with the counselors and not when the
counselors give speeches or allow the clients to wander on about
something. Counselors can have frequent responses in a dialogue with the
clients but the responses should be precise and to the point. When t rying to
be accurate, a beginner counselor may often give lengthy responses or
allow the clients to go and on before responding. Ask yourself, “What is
the core of what the client is narrating?’. It will help you to make accurate,
short and concrete respon ses.
Gear your response to the client, but remain yourself:
Try to match the tone of the clients in order to show your empathetic
responses. However, do not overdo it or mimic your clients and be
yourself. On the other hand, do not adopt a language or sla ng used by the
clients, which is not yours just to match the clients’ wavelength.
The following are a few suggestions given by Egan and Reese (2018, p.
128) for effective empathic/ empathetic responding:
 Remember that empathy is a value, a way of being, w hich should
permeate the relationship and every aspect of your dialogue with the
clients.
 Your empathic responses should flow naturally from your empathic
relationship with the clients.
 Be aware that empathic responding is not used as a way of influenci ng
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46  Do not get lost in your communication skills; keep the big picture in
mind.
 Respond to the client -in-context and the part diversity plays in that
context.
 Tune in carefully, both physically and psychologically, and listen
actively to th e client’s point of view.
 Make every effort to set your judgments and biases aside and walk in
the shoes of the clients.
 As the clients speak, listen especially for cultural voices and core
messages.
 Pay attention to both verbal and nonverbal messages a nd their
context.
 Use frequent but short responses that highlight the clients’ core
messages.
 Be flexible and tentative in your responses so that the clients do not
feel pinned down.
 Move gradually toward the exploration of sensitive topics and
feelings.
 After an empathic response, attend carefully to cues that either
confirm or deny the accuracy of your response.
 Take special care when the clients’ culture differs considerably from
your own.
 Note signs of clients’ stress or resistance; try to judge wh ether they
arise because you are inaccurate or because you are too accurate in
your responses.
 Make sure that your responses are helping the clients remain focused
on the clarification of key issues.
 Keep in mind that the communication skill of responding with
empathy, however important, is just one tool at the service of the
overall goal of helping.
 Use empathy in every stage and task of the helping process”.
According to Duncan (2010), empathy is work and one cannot take it for
granted, but instead need s to sort out what the clients find empathic and
what engages the clients in the work. But it is really worth the effort (p.
134).
4.2.2 Responding to the Context:
It is very essential to take into account the context of what is said by the
clients and eve ry detail that surrounds and permeates the clients’ narrative munotes.in

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47 Empathic Responding - II in order to respond empathetically to the clients along with paying
attention to their non -verbal behaviour, and words. The context in which
the clients are talking is very important to understa nd. The counselors
should listen to the clients in the context of their lives because the context
can modify everything the clients are saying. Hence, counselors should
learn to respond to the context, not just the words of the clients.
Understanding the c ontext of the clients’ situation adds value to
understanding the clients in a better way and their points of view and
information about where their perspectives are coming from. It aids the
understanding of the counselors to know more about the clients’
environmental realities.
4.2.3 Using Empathy to Achieve Therapeutic Goals :
Counselors should learn to use empathic/ empathetic responses throughout
the helping process. Because empathic responses from the counselors are
useful and important at every stage of the therapeutic process and also in
every task. Keeping a check on understanding and communicating it
throughout the counselling process is always helpful and crucial.
Following are a few guidelines counselors can find useful while
responding with empathy during various stages of the process of problem -
management by using empathy to achieve therapeutic goals.
Problem clarification and opportunity identification:
It is very important to have a clarification of the problem before initiating
it to manage. Th is helps the clients too to gather the pieces and move and
helps to build a foundation for problem -management techniques. While
clarifying this, it may happen that the clients themselves gain some insight
and identify opportunities to tackle the problem.
Discovering and evaluating options for a better future:
Discovering the problem and evaluating the options can bring some clarity
to the ambivalent nature of the problem. With this clarity, the clients can
go on exploring more possibilities while making a decision for a better
future.
Choosing actions to accomplish goals:
There can be various ways to manage a problem that the clients are facing.
But exploring and evaluating the possibilities will eventually lead to
choosing appropriate action to accomplish the clients’ goals.
Program implementation issues:
Actions chosen to accomplish the clients’ goals may not always work the
ways they were thought of. The attempts made by the clients can be failed.
In this case, the counselors should first address and co mmunicate the
understanding of the clients whether they are disappointed with the
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48 learnt from the failure. It is very important on the counselors’ part to
discuss program implementatio n issues with the clients.
Section 4.3 discusses some additional principles and the guidelines that
provide the strategies to respond empathetically. So, let us move to
Section 4.3 to understand them.
4.3 BECOMING COMPETENT AND CONFIDENT IN RESPONDING WITH EMPATHY It is of utmost importance for a counselor to study how to become
competent and confident when they respond to their clients with empathy.
The following section will help us study the principles and guidelines of
the same. Counselors in general ne ed competence in their communication
skills and in particular especially when they are communicating empathy
to their clients. Empathetic responding is very crucial and essential
otherwise active listening on the part of the counselors is an absolute
waste . Counselors in order to be effective should make empathetic
responding a part of their communication skills in everyday life otherwise
it may sound unnatural and fake when trying it out only during the
counselling session. Like a dialogue, empathetic resp onding also should
become second nature to the counselors. This will aid the counselors to
have essential genuineness. Following are some principles which will
guide the counselors to respond with empathy. However, one should
remember that these guidelines are not formulas to be used mindlessly.
They are just frameworks which shall be incorporated by the counselors.
4.3.1 Principles and Guidelines :
Empathetic responding aids human contact, helps to build a relationship,
acts as a lubricant for conversation , is an intervention based on perception
check and lastly is a mild form of social influence (Egan & Reese, 2018).
Responding with empathy is always a useful tool. Driscoll (1984), in his
common -sense way, referred to empathic responses as “nickel -and-dime
interventions that each contribute only a drop of therapeutic movement,
but without which the course of therapeutic progress would be markedly
slower” (p. 90). Empathetic responses provide a continuous flow of
understanding which supports the clients thro ughout the therapeutic
process. It proves to be always right to let the clients know that they are
being understood from their point of view. Thoughtfully listening to the
clients in order to process the information they provided also leads to
empathetic r esponses. Needless to say that the participation of the clients
effectively improves and is more whole in nature when they feel that they
are being understood in the helping process. Empathetic responding not
only helps to build trust but also makes way fo r the helpers to make use of
stronger interventions which can engage clients to challenge themselves.
Respond selectively to core client messages:
The reality is that it is beyond unworkable to respond with empathy to
each and everything the clients say. Hence, the counselors should make munotes.in

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49 Empathic Responding - II every attempt while listening to the clients to identify and respond to what
they think are core messages which are at the heart of what the clients are
expressing and saying, especially when the clients are speaking at a
length. The counselors should be in a position to pay attention selectively
to the most important message the clients communicated amongst the
many. The counselors’ empathetic response to the important messages
communicated by the clients also helps the cl ients to identify what is core.
In this way, the counselors lay a foundation of the core and follow the
clients’ lead. The counselors should always ask themselves - ‘what is most
important? what is the core?’. This also helps the clients to sort out their
minds and bring more clarity. A counselor should always keep in mind
that the key or the core can be an experience or action or feelings
communicated by the clients or all three of them together.
Use empathic responses as a mild social influence process:
Counselors cannot respond with empathy to everything that the clients say
during the session. Hence, the counselors are always in search of core
messages in order to select the relevant core messages and respond
accordingly which more or less influences th e journey of therapeutic
dialogue. Empathetic responding may also be a part of the social influence
dimension of counselling. Counselors believe that the core messages they
decide to be important for attention are primarily core because they are
core for t he clients. However, the counselors also believe that a few other
messages at some levels are important too for the clients.
It may happen that the clients may not be clear while narrating their story
and may speak quickly due to stress. In such cases, th e counselors may
find it difficult to interpret the message as well as to interrupt the clients in
between. Once the clients have narrated, the counselors can break in and
reframe in order to gain clarity. However, care should be taken that this
should not break the clients’ chain of thoughts and the counselor needs to
be careful not to put words in the client’s mouth. Clients’ own words
should be used to get clarity.
Use empathic responses to stimulate movement throughout the
helping process:
Along with b eing an excellent tool to build a therapeutic alliance,
empathetic responding also acts as a stimulus at every stage as well as a
step of the helping process. When clients feel that they are being
understood, they tend to move forward in the therapy. Empat hetic
responding also helps the clients in exploring the problem or unexplored
opportunity more practically. It also helps the clients check possibilities
for a better future, employ the newly changed agendas and understand the
degree of commitment require d to pursue an agenda. After goal -setting,
empathetic responding enables the clients to decide the action plans for
problem management. In the action stage, counselors use empathy to make
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50 According to Egan and Reese (2018), it often happens that empathic
responses that hit the mark put pressure on clients to move forward. So,
responding with empathy, even though it is a communication of
understanding, is also pa rt of the social influence process (p. 124).
Use empathic responses as a way of bridging diversity gaps:
This principle is an outcome of the previous two. Empathetic responding
is possible when the counselors are effectively tuned in and listening to the
clients especially when the clients differ from the counselors in significant
ways. Showing empathy and responding accordingly is a way to show the
clients that counselors are interested in understanding them better and are
ready to learn about their concer ns and also to help them to understand
themselves better. Scott and Borodovsky (1990) proposed to refer to
empathetic listening as ‘cultural role taking’. Egan and Reese (2018) also
refer to this as ‘diversity role taking’.
Recover from inaccurate underst anding :
It is expected that the counselors should work to be accurate in their
understanding of the clients’ situation and what they communicate, but it
may not be the case every time. Counselors can be inaccurate at times.
The counselors may feel that the y have understood the clients or what the
clients are saying and then share with the clients only to find out that this
is not the case. For this reason, empathetic responding is a tool to check
one’s perception of the clients’ narratives.
If the counselo rs are accurate in empathetic responses, the clients tend to
confirm the same through verbal or non -verbal cues. For example, a nod to
confirm or words like ‘right’, ‘exactly’, etc. On the other hand, if the
responses are not accurate, the clients may show that too through verbal
and non -verbal cues. For example, the clients may stop narrating or
fumble or tell them that this is not what they meant. In either case, the
counselors should be sensitive to all the cues; verbal and non -verbal, both.
Most import ant is that if as a counselor you show your intentions of
understanding your clients, they will not feel discouraged by the
inaccuracies on your part. If you build a solid therapeutic alliance, then
your clients will read your intent and not just focus on the degree of
accuracy you show during the session. In a sense, there is no such thing as
perfect accuracy or the right kind of accuracy or the right degree of
accuracy (Biesanz & Human, 2010; Lewis & Hodges, 2012).
There are ways of recovering from a fai lure to understand the clients
accurately, but recovering from inaccuracy is something that the
counselors and the clients do together. It can be a relationship -building
interaction or part of the give -and-take of therapy.
Possibilities to be Avoided:
Few counselors are very poor at communication and they seldom realize
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51 Empathic Responding - II substitutes instead of accurate empathetic responses. Let us have a look at
some possibilities that should better be avoided in the session:
No Response :
According to Sue and Sue (1990), it can be a mistake to remain silent and
say nothing. However, there are wide cultural differences in how silence is
perceived and dealt with. But generally, it is better to respond to the
clients even if briefly when the clients say something significant. Or else
the clients may feel unheard and undeserved. Do not make the clients wait
and wonder by keeping silent.
Distracting questions :
Many counselors like people in everyday life keep on ask ing questions
during the counselling session. The questions are related to anything other
than empathetic responding. When such types of responses in the form of
questions or statements are used by the counselors, there are high chances
that the key messag es expressed by the clients are left out and unattended.
Distracting questions appears to be a mistaken agenda of the counselors to
ask and get more information.
Cliches :
Avoid cliche talks that are casual and maxim in nature. When counselors
hold to clic he talks, they appear to be insensitive instructors and also
sound like they are dismissing their client’s story, experiences or thoughts
and feelings. Such types of responses are very hollow and do not at all
showcase understanding.
Interpretations :
Few counselors instead of expressing understanding, make interpretive
responses which are based on their theories of helping. They feel using
interpretive responses is more important. In instances like these, the
counselors fail to respond to the clients’ emot ions and feelings, tend to
sound moralistic and ignore the core messages. They also sound
dismissive of the clients’ experiences.
Advice :
All of us get unsolicited advice in our everyday life. Imagine the clients
getting the same during therapy as well. T hen what is the use of
approaching a counselor. Giving advice in counselling sessions by the
counselors makes things out of order making them worse for the clients.
The advice by the counselors also sounds a bit cliched. Advice giving also
takes away the c lients’ self -responsibility. In a few cultures, clients expect
that the counselors should give them advice. In such cases, there are ways
of giving advice that will bring out collaboration with the clients in order
to tackle a problem. The clients may shar e different perspectives or
problem -solving options instead of offering direct advice.
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52 Parroting :
Empathetic responding is not simply repeating what the clients have said.
Such repetition is parroting and may appear like a satire. Parroting though
accura te not only looks like satire but also sounds awful. Restating what
the clients said or repeating the same words or even paraphrasing makes
no real sense or understanding and does not showcase the counselor’s
presence with the client. Since the understandi ng the counselors want to
show is their own, it should convey something which appears to be their
own. Parroting does not convey the counselor’s understanding. Hence, to
avoid parroting, the counselors should process the information the clients
are giving and identify what is core along with the clients’ perspective and
emotions. Do not oversay things during the counselling session.
Agreement and sympathy :
As truly pointed out by Egan and Reese (2018), responding with empathy
is not the same as agreeing wi th the clients or being sympathetic. An
expression of sympathy has much more in common with pity, compassion,
sympathy, and condolence than with empathic understanding (Clark,
2010) (p. 133). Though in many cultures these are very common human
traits, they are not useful in the therapeutic alliance. This is because of the
simple reason that sympathy indicates agreement, whereas empathy stands
for understanding and acceptance of the person the clients are. Sympathy
can also be said as a form of involvement w ith the clients in worst cases.
Faking :
It happens that clients are distracted, confused and in a highly emotional
or vulnerable state. All the above situations affect the clarity of what they
are narrating during the session. It may happen that the couns elors are
unable to pick the key messages as the clients are confused or they are not
stating the messages with clarity. It may also happen that the counselors
themselves get distracted in some way during the helping process.
Whatever the case may be, it i s a mistake on the counselor’s part to
pretend an understanding. Effective and genuine counselors admit that
they got lost in between and then work to go back on track again. The
counselors in such cases may humbly ask the clients to go back to what
they m issed. This indicates that the counselor thinks it to be important to
stay with the client. It also shows respect towards the clients. Admitting
loss of track is any time preferable instead of using cliches. If the
counselors often find themselves unable t o understand and are losing track
of what the clients are saying, then the counselors need to find out what is
hindering their role of being a counselor. Whatever the case may be,
faking it is never a substitute for proficiency and competence.
If you find yourself making any of the above mistakes or errors in your
role of being a counselor, then it is your responsibility to find a way to
recover. Counselors are not immune from making mistakes. But realizing
and acknowledging these errors is essential. Effe ctive counselors realize
these mistakes and act on them to give full justice to their profession and
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53 Empathic Responding - II 4.4 SUMMARY In continuation with the previous unit, we had a glance at responding with
empathy and learned about the basic formula for communicat ing empathy
in the form of i) tactics for responding with empathy, that is - giving
yourself time to think, using short responses, and gearing your response to
the clients, but remain yourself, ii) responding to the contexts, and iii)
using empathy to ach ieve therapeutic goals, which are - problem
clarification and opportunity identification, discovering and evaluating
options for a better future, choosing actions to accomplish goals, and
program implementation issues.
We also discussed various principles and guidelines for becoming
competent and confident in responding with empathy that suggest -
responding selectively to core client messages, using empathic responses
as a mild social influence process, using empathic responses to stimulate
movement throu ghout the helping process, using empathic responses as a
way of bridging diversity gaps, and recovering from inaccurate
understanding.
Apart from this, we had a look at some possibilities that should be avoided
in the sessions by the counselors – no respo nse, distracting questions,
clichés, interpretations, advice, parroting, agreement and sympathy, and
faking. Thus, it is important that counselors should realize such mistakes
and act on them to give full justice to their profession and clients to
become e ffective counselors or helpers.
4.5 QUESTIONS 1. Discuss the different tactics for responding with empathy and
responding to the contexts as a basic formula for communicating
empathy.
2. Elaborate on responding to the contexts and using empathy to achieve
therapeutic goals as a basic formula for communicating empathy.
3. Explain different possibilities to be avoided in the session.
4. Discuss various principles and guidelines for becoming competent
and confident in responding with empathy.
5. Write short no tes on:
a. Suggestions by Egan and Reese (2018) for effective empathic/
empathetic responding
b. Responding to the contexts
c. No response
d. Distracting questions
e. Parroting
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54 4.6 REFERENCES  Egan, G. & Reese, R. J. (2019). The skilled helper: A problem -
management and opportunity -development approach to helping (11th
Ed.). Cengage Learning.
 Gladding, S. T. (2014). Counselling: A comprehensive profession (7th
Ed.). New Delhi: Pearson Education (Indian subcontinent version by
Dorling Kindersley Ind ia).


*****
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55 5
OTHER SKILLS - I
A. Art o f Probing, Summarizing
Unit Structure
5.0 Objectives
5.1 Overview
5.2 Probing
5.2.1 Verbal and Non -Verbal Prompts
5.2.2 Types of Probing
5.2.3 Guidelines for Using Probes
5.2.4 Probes with Empathic Response
5.3 Summarizing
5.3.1 Using Summaries When They Add Value
5.3.2 How to Get Clients to Provide Summaries
5.4 Example of Use of Probes and Summaries in the Case of Marcus and
Andréa
5.5 Summary
5.6 Questions
5.7 References
5.0 OBJECTIVES  To develop an understanding of other skills used in the process of
counselling
 To develop an understanding of the skill of probing
 To develop an understanding of the skill of summarizing
 To develop an understanding of the application of probing and
summarizing with the clients
5.1 OVERV IEW Previously, we learned about therapeutic presence with the importance of
listening and empathic responding during counselling sessions. Here, we
will focus on other skills that are also very helpful in dealing with the
problems of the clients effective ly. Decision -making is considered to be
one of the key ingredients of successful therapy. Hence, the counselors as
helpers have an important role to play in organizing the context in which
the client makes decisions. For this purpose, the counselors need t o use the
appropriate treatment models, their own framework, methods, and
communication skills. These all factors can be used as “nudges”, which
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56 of an empathic response from the couns elors. An empathic response to the
client can form a nudge in two ways: i) counselors cannot respond
empathically to everything a client says and has to respond selectively.
This selective response itself can influence the client to be genuine while
sharin g the content, ii) empathic responses from the counselors often tend
to influence clients to explore the issue being discussed more broadly and
deeply. Here, the empathic responses of the counselors may influence the
clients well (though not necessarily), but they still do not connect with
clients. Thus, the counselors need to be skillful to make powerful use of
nudges to facilitate decision -making in the client.
Probing and summarizing are two of the important communication skills
that counselors often use as a nudge. They can be of great benefit to the
clients, if their power is used appropriately during counselling sessions. In
Section 5.2, we will learn the skill of probing, while in Section 5.3, we
will learn summarizing.
5.2 PROBING Empathic responses often enable the clients to explore themselves and
their behaviour with relative ease. But, the counselling sessions are not
always easy only with sharing empathic responses. Counselors require to
nudge and encourage the clients to prompt them to explore t heir concerns
spontaneously at times when clients fail to do so. Thus, the ability to use
prompts and probes well is also an important communication skill. Using
probes enables the counselors to gather information in a specific area
related to the clients’ presented concerns or to encourage the clients to
respond leading them to only specific topic areas.
Probes and prompts are verbal as well as non -verbal tactics. They help
clients talk more freely and concretely about any issue at any stage of the
helping process. Probes can help the clients in dealing with several
concerns, such as i) identifying and exploring opportunities overlooked by
them, ii) clearing up blind spots, iii) translating dreams into realistic goals,
iv) thinking about realistic plans to accomplish goals, and v) working
through difficulties to action. Thus, thoughtful use of probes provides
focus and direction for the entire helping process.
5.2.1 Verbal and Non -Verbal Prompts:
Prompts are brief verbal and non -verbal interventions. They l et the clients
know that the counselors are with them and encourage them to talk
further. So, let us understand what are the verbal and non -verbal prompts
and how they can be used to progress through an effective helping
process.
a) Verbal Prompts:
They a re also called vocal prompts. They are intentional, rather than mere
automatic responses of the counselors. Counselors often use them to
indicate their focused attention on the content the clients are sharing in the
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57 Other Skills - I counselors. They also do not imply that the counselors do not know what
else to do at those particular moments in the counselling sessions.
Counselors thus can use responses like “um”, “uh -huh”, “sure”, “yes”, “I
see”, “ah”, “oh”, and “okay” as prompts. Here is an example of the verbal
prompts.
Example 5.1:
Client (hesitantly): I don’t know whether I can “kick the habit”, you
know, just let some trivial things go at work and home. I
know I have made a contract with mysel f. I’m not sure that I
can keep it.
Counselor: “Um”. [The counselor utters this briefly and then remains
silent.]
Client (pauses, then laughs): Here I am deep into perfectionism and I
hear myself saying that I can’t do something. How Ironic! Of
course, I can. I mean, it’s not going to be easy, at least at
first.
{Source: Egan, G. (2014). The skilled helper: A problem -Management
and opportunity -development approach to helping (10th Ed.). Belmont:
Brooks/Cole CENGAGE Learning - A modified version of example} .
In this example, a brief “Um” response from the counselor prompts the
client to reconsider what she just said. Thus, prompts should never be the
primary responses, but should be essentially used as directives, whenever
required in the counselling sessio ns.
b) Non -Verbal Prompts:
Counselors’ various non -verbal behaviours carry a force of probes.
Counselors’ bodily movements, gestures, nods, eye movements, and other
such cues are non -verbal prompts or nudges, which can be used
effectively. Let us see an example to understand the non -verbal prompts.
Example 5.2 :
Here, a client is talking about his difficulty in maintaining a peace
proposal with a neighbour with whom he is not able to get along well.
Client: I just can’t do it!
Counselor: [says nothing, but simply leans forward attentively and waits
for further details.]
Client (pauses and then says): Well, you know what I mean. It would be
very hard for me to take the first step. It would be like giving
in. You know, weakness.
{Source: Egan, G. (2014). T he skilled helper: A problem -Management
and opportunity -development approach to helping (10th Ed.). Belmont:
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58 Here in this example, The non -verbal response of the counselor prompts
the client to express further. This helps them go on to explore how such a
proposal could be a sign of strength rather than weakness if worked out
properly.
Thus, the verbal and non -verbal prompts both help the counselors progress
effectively in the counselling session and provide the clients with insight
into dealing with their difficulties.
5.2.2 Types of Probing:
There are different types of probes that help clients name, take notice of,
explore, clarify, or further define any issue at any point in the helping
proces s, if used with precaution. They provide clarity and help the session
progress further. Here are mentioned different forms of probes:
a) Statements:
This form of probe indicates the need for further clarity at any point of the
helping process during the c ounselling session. Using such probes,
counselors often confess that they are still not clear with the things that
clients are trying to communicate to them. Let us see the following
example:
Example 5.3 :
Here, a client is having problems with his 20 -year-old son who is still
living at home.
Counselor: It’s still not clear to me whether you want to challenge him to
leave the nest or not.
Client: Well, I want to, but I just don’t know how to do it without
alienating him. I don’t want it to sound like I do n’t care for
him and that I’m just trying to get rid of him.
{Source: Egan, G. (2014). The skilled helper: A problem -Management
and opportunity -development approach to helping (10th Ed.). Belmont:
Brooks/Cole CENGAGE Learning - A modified version of exampl e}.
In this example, counselor’s probe in the form of a statement helped the
client know that counselor is unable to comprehend a certain part of a
concern shared by him. Other such statements could be “I’m not sure I
understand how you intend...”, “I gues s I’m still confused about...”, etc.
Such probes put the responsibility on clients without accusing them of
failing to speak up with more clarity.
b) Requests:
Probes also can take the form of direct requests for further information or
more clarity. Couns elors should be careful about the use of probing while
using it in the form of a request. That is, the requests should not sound like
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59 Other Skills - I cues can help counselors soften their requests. Cons ider the example
below:
Example 5.4 :
A counselor is talking to a woman living with her husband and her
mother -in-law.
Counselor: Please tell me what you mean when you say that three’s
crowd at home.
Client: I get along fine with my husband, I get along f ine with my
mother -in-law. But the chemistry among the three of us is
very unsettling.
{Source: Egan, G. (2014). The skilled helper: A problem -Management
and opportunity -development approach to helping (10th Ed.). Belmont:
Brooks/Cole CENGAGE Learning - A modified version of example}.
Here, a probe in the form of a request helped the counselor get some new
helpful information from the client, which was unclear before.
Considering the nature of requests, probes such as “Come on, just tell me
what you are th inking” would not certainly be a helpful probe in this or
any other situation. Because such requests would sound more like a
command, even considering the tone of the counselors’ voice and other
important characteristics.
c) Questions:
The use of questio ns can open communication. Direct questions are
probably among the most commonly used probes. Questions facilitate the
process of clients’ self -exploration through an increased understanding
and finally lead their commitment to the appropriate action. Whil e
questioning, counselors may use specific verbal leads. Using such specific
verbal leads enable the counselors to focus on major facts, feelings, and
self-perceptions that clients bring to the session. Effective use of close and
open -ended questions can e ncourage the clients to talk more freely and
openly. Counselors questioning more can appear as having all the power
in the counselor -client relationship. This kind of inequality can destroy the
counselor -client alliance, especially during the earlier sessi ons.
Many times cultural aspects also may cause such kind of hindrances in the
counselling process. It is because the clients from some cultures may feel
that they are being interrogated if too many questions are asked by the
counselors, if they have not developed trust in their counselors. Hence,
questions should be used more carefully. Also, “why” questions are
especially troublesome and they may turn the clients defensive with a
feeling that they are bound to provide a logical explanation for their
beha viour. Thus, questions have the potential to damage helping
relationships, sometimes even beyond repair. Some examples of direct
questions that could be asked, are: “How do you react when...........?”, “In
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60 the indirect approach to...............is not working, what might Plan B look
like?” An extended example of direct questions as the probe has been
presented here in the following case:
Example 5.5 :
A client approaches for help in co ntrolling her anger, for which she comes
up with a solid program with the help of the counselor. Here is a glimpse
of the interaction between them from the next session, where the client
gives signs of backtracking.
Counselor: You seemed enthusiastic abou t the program last week. But
now, unless I’m mistaken, I hear a bit of hesitancy in your
voice. Or am I just hearing things?
Client: Well, after taking a second look at the program, I’m afraid it
will make me appear weak. My fellow workers could get the
wrong idea and begin bullying me.
Counselor: So there’s something about yourself and your style of
relating at work that you don’t want to lose.
Client: That’s right!
Counselor: What might that be?
Client (hesitating for a moment and says): Courage!
Coun selor: Well, maybe there is a way of keeping your courage without
giving in to outbursts that get you in trouble.
{Source: Egan, G. (2014). The skilled helper: A problem -Management
and opportunity -development approach to helping (10th Ed.). Belmont:
Brook s/Cole CENGAGE Learning - A modified version of example}.
Here, in this case, in the next session, the counselor is trying to confirm
his or her observation about the client’s hesitancy in following a planned
program. The counselor is also trying to know t he possible reasons behind
the client’s behaviour. For this, the counselor uses the direct questions as
probes, which helps the helping process progress further with discussion
on related concerns.
Sometimes probes in the form of single words or phrases ar e also
effective. But, whatever the form the probes take, are often some sort of
questions directly or indirectly. Here, we will see a few examples of how
single words or phrases are helpful in counselling sessions.
Example 5.6 :
Here, a client is talking a bout a difficult relationship with her sister at one
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61 Other Skills - I Counselor (responds simply and unemotionally): Hate.
Client: Well, I know that hate is a too strong term. What I mean is that
things are getting worse and worse.
Example 5.7 :
In another case, a client, who is troubled with irrational fears, is discussing
the feelings with the counselor.
Client: I have had it. I just can’t go on like this. No matter what, I’m
going to move forward.
Counselor: Move forward to....?
Client: Well... to not indulging myself with my fears. That’s what
they are, a form of self -indulgence. From our talks I’ve
learned that it’s a bad habit. A very bad habit.
{Source: Egan, G. (2014). The skilled helper: A problem -Management
and opportunity -development approach to helping (10th Ed.). Belmont:
Brooks/Cole CENGAGE Learning - A modified version of example}.
In Example 5.6, the counselor utters a single word from the client’s speech
in an unemotional way. This helped the counselor gain clarity to explore
the feelings of the client toward her sister, along with their intensity.
Similarly, in Example 5.7, the counselor takes the help of a phrase used by
the client to gain clarity. This helped the counselor understand the decision
made by the client. Thus, it helped both the counselor and the client go on
to discuss ways of controlling irrational fears.
It is important to use questions effectively while probing during the
counselling process. The novices in the counselling profession tend to ask
too m any questions. They also ask questions adding no value when they
are in doubt about what to say. The counselors need to keep in mind that
the questions should be thoughtful and should be used effectively as a
probe to progress the counselling session in th e right direction. Probes in
the form of questions can be an important part of an interaction with the
clients. Here are two guidelines that will be helpful in using the questions
as a probe effectively:
i) Avoid too many questions:
Too many questions may annoy the clients and may turn them become
reluctant to put their efforts into the helping relationship. Such
unnecessary questions may also sound like fillers and create an impression
that the counselors do not have anything better to say. Hence, the
counselors should not make the helping process appear as a process of
mere gathering information. Asking clients too many questions ends up
turning the helping process into directionless question -and-answer
sessions. Let us consider the following example:
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62 Example 5.8 :
Here, the counselor is working with an inmate in a state facility for young
offenders, who engaged in burglary and drug use. He is difficult to work
with and is blaming his dysfunctional family for everything. The
counselor gets frustrated due t o this and ends up asking a series of
questions.
Counselor: When did you first feel caught in the messiness of your
family?
What did you do to try to get away from their influence?
What could you do different?
What kind of friends did you have?
As a result of this, the client, who is annoyed by such questions and
already has mastered escaping such questions, just refuses to talk further.
{Source: Egan, G. (2014). The skilled helper: A problem -Management
and oppor tunity -development approach to helping (10th Ed.). Belmont:
Brooks/Cole CENGAGE Learning - A modified version of example}.
In this example, questions appear more like a random search for
information with no clear goal. Thus, the session appears to go futil e.
ii) Ask open -ended questions:
Asking open -ended questions is a general rule in the counselling sessions
or helping process. Such questions require more than a simple yes or no or
similar single word answer/s. Closed questions lead to a series of
questi ons. Also, counselors asking closed questions end up asking more
and more questions. It is ideal to ask a closed question only when a
specific piece of information is required. Thus, the occasional use of a
sharp closed question can have the right impact. Closed questions usually
begin with “is”, “are”, “do”, or “did”. Sometimes they are useful to direct
the talkative clients to the point and gather information. Such questions are
helpful to gain clarity, focus, and narrow the area of discussion.
On the oth er hand, open -ended questions in moderation can help clients
fill in the missing pieces of information at every stage of the helping
process. They place responsibility on the clients and allow them a degree
of control over what information to be shared. Th ey also help the
counselors gain important information from the clients. Thus, asking
open -ended questions is the most beneficial type of questioning because it
encourages clients to talk more freely and openly. The open -ended
questions generally begin wit h “what”, “how”, “could”, or “would”. They
are used for different purposes, such as i) to begin interviews; ii) to
encourage clients to express more information; iii) to elicit examples of
particular behaviours, thoughts, or feelings; and iv) to increase t he client’s
commitment to communicate. Here, we will have a glance at a few
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63 Other Skills - I Example 5.9 :
Close question: “Now that you have decided to take early
retirement, do you have any plans?”
Open -ended question: “Now that you have decided to take early
retirement, how do you see the future? What
plans do you have?”
Close question: “How many jobs have you had in the past two
years?”
{Source: Egan, G. (2014). The skilled helper: A problem -Management
and opportunity -deve lopment approach to helping (10th Ed.). Belmont:
Brooks/Cole CENGAGE Learning - A modified version of example}.
In Example 5.9, from the above pair of questions, the open -ended question
provides a wide scope to acquire more details from the client regardin g his
or her plans after retirement. However, a close question related to job
change will not help the career counselor much to get the relevant
information for helping the client draw up a resume and a job -search
strategy. Let us also have a look at the f ollowing conversation between the
counselor and a client.
Example 5.10 :
Here, a client has been explaining what he was going to do to respond to
his “ungrateful” son.
Counselor: Is responding to him what you truly want?
Client: You’re damn right, I do!
{Source: Egan, G. (2014). The skilled helper: A problem -Management
and opportunity -development approach to helping (10th Ed.). Belmont:
Brooks/Cole CENGAGE Learning - A modified version}.
Such a question by the counselors (in Example 5.10) will not help to
generate information from the clients. Rather, it would take the form of a
challenge and a tricky issue for the counselors if the clients will respond
the way mentioned in Example 5.10. Such a response from the clients
would just let the counselors know ab out the intensity of the clients’
feelings.
Thus, this section explains how different types of probes can be effective
if used thoughtfully. The next section provides the different guidelines for
using probes.
5.2.3 Guidelines for Using Probes:
Here are so me guidelines on how to use different probes. It is suggested
that the counselors should use their ongoing feedback system as a way of
probing. Besides, different probes should be used for helping clients i)
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64 concreteness and clarity, iii) fill in missing pieces of the picture, iv) get a
balanced view of problem situations and opportunities, and v) move into
more beneficial stages of the helping process. Apart from this, probes also
should be used to explore and clarify clients’ points of view, intentions,
proposals, and decisions, and to invite clients to challenge themselves. Let
us understand each guideline with possible examples.
i) Use an ongoing feedback system as a way of probing:
A feedback system is considered an excellent opportunity for probing,
irrespective of the way of getting systematic feedback from the clients on
both progress toward and the achievement of outcomes and quality of
therapy sessions. Here are two examples prese nting two different sessions
of the same client.
Example 5.11 :
Ms. X is a single mother and has lost her fairly well -paying job during the
economic disaster. This economic adversity turned her from a bad drinker
to a problem drinker. She spent almost all her money on her lifestyle,
leaving no financial support for her during financial hazards. She felt sorry
for herself and spent a lot of time blaming the usual suspects for her
financial crash. In the first session, she was given a scale measuring her
self-perception about how she is doing individually, on which she
understandably rated herself low on that scale. In the second session, she
significantly rated high because she thought that counselling was the
answer. Surprisingly, she rated herself lower in the third session than she
did in the first session. This example presents the dialogues between the
counselor and her during the third session.
Counselor: I see your “individually” score has taken a hit. What’s the
message?... I think that I might be rea ding it in your face and
posture.
Client: I felt so good after the last session. I was fired up. My hopes
were high, they were flying. I was going to take a charge of
my life back. But two days later, I received a couple of
default notices. My boss told u s we would all have to take a
cut in pay. And my boyfriend described me as “scary”. My
world collapsed. I collapsed. I just don’t know how I’m
going to recover.
Counselor: So, for a while, you arose, then you crashed.
Client: ...Yes, I was attacked on al l sides. Bank, work, boyfriend.
Counselor: You said, your hopes were high. Tell me more about that.
Client: Well, I thought it was going to be easy to pull everything
together. I just felt so good. Now I’m thinking that I can’t
pull this off at all. It ’s just too much. It’s going to take so
much work. Budgets. Working out repayment schedules. I
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65 Other Skills - I Counselor: The misery is very real. But, let’s put it aside for a moment.
What good might come from all of this? What could you
mine from it?
Client (pauses): Nothing! (the counselor remains silent)... (in a more
subdued voice) I suppose I could become more realistic. ..
Counselor: Ok. Let’s see what this “realism” could be.
The counselor and Ms. X go on to discuss the possibilities of a more
“realistic” lifestyle, which makes Ms. X relax gradually.
Example 5.12 :
Now this second example deals with the survey at the en d of the session.
Ms. X rates the “overall” category higher in this session than in the other
two sessions.
Counselor: Well, what made this session work for you?
Client: One very bittersweet word. Realism.
Counselor: OK. How did that work?
Client: It triggered something in me. I hate self -centred people and
all of a sudden I saw myself as self -centred (stops speaking).
Counselor: I’m not sure about the interplay between “realism” and “self -
centred” and your score for the session.
Client: One session fr om the financial crash is that we were all –
well, many of us – were living beyond our means. Maybe our
whole society, government and all. Like a national self -
centredness. I feel that I’m a fairly intelligent person. But, all
that was stupid. The dose of realism during this session was
very good for me, especially because we went about it in a
constructive way.
In this session, realism was defined in terms of concrete possibilities that
helped Ms. X, being away from the “impossible” and regain some of her
enthusiasm. Thus, this particular session opened the door to progress with
life-enhancing outcomes.
{Source: Egan, G. (2014). The skilled helper: A problem -Management
and opportunity -development approach to helping (10th Ed.). Belmont:
Brooks/Cole CENGAGE Learning - A modified version of example}.
This example illustrates how effective probing along with systematic
feedback from the clients helps both the parties (counselors and clients)
progress further for possible outcomes, adding value to the client’s l ife.
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66 ii) Use probes to help clients engage as fully as possible in the
therapeutic dialogue:
Many clients do not have all the communication skills needed to engage in
problem -managing and opportunity -developing dialogue. With such and
all types of clients , probes are the principal tools to help them engage in
give-and-take during the helping process. Let us consider the following
example to understand how probes are helpful to counselors to make their
clients engage in the therapeutic dialogue.
Example 5.1 3:
Here, a client has been struggling to tell the counselor a story about her
attempts to get her insurance company to respond to the claim she filed
after a car accident.
Client: They just won’t do anything. I call and they just ignore me. I
don’t like i t!
Counselor: You are angry with the way you are being treated. And you
want to get to the bottom of it... Maybe it would be helpful to
review what you have done so far.
Client: Well, they sent me some forms that I didn’t understand very
well. I did the best I could. I think they were trying to show
that it was my fault. I even kept the copies. I have got them
with me.
Counselor: You are not sure you can trust them... Let’s see what the
forms look like...
A look at the forms revealed that the forms were standard. The counselor
considered the fact that this is the client’s first encounter with an insurance
company and the client has poor communication skills. This gave the
counselor insight into the way the phone conversation that took place
between the cl ient and the insurance company. Here, the counselor shares
empathic responses and uses probes. This helps the client feel that her first
experience with the insurance company is valid and okay. Besides, the
client is also suggested to get help from someone who has filled in
insurance forms multiple times.
{Source: Egan, G. (2014). The skilled helper: A problem -Management
and opportunity -development approach to helping (10th Ed.). Belmont:
Brooks/Cole CENGAGE Learning - A modified version of example}.
Thus, this example shows how the probes used by the counselor with
empathic responses helped the client engage in a problem -managing
dialogue, despite her poor communication skills and get an effective
solution.

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67 Other Skills - I iii) Use probes to help clients achieve concrete ness and clarity:
Probes can help clients turn abstract and vague things or thoughts into
something concrete and clear, that is, the things the clients can work on.
To get clarity on this guideline, we will see the following example.
Example 5.14 :
Here in this example, a man is sharing his story about his dissatisfaction
with living a somewhat underprivileged social life.
Client: I do funny things that make me feel good.
Counselor: What kind of things?
Client: Well, I daydream about being a hero, a kind of tragic hero. In
my daydreams, I save the lives of people whom I like but
who don’t seem to know I exist. And then they come running
to me but I turn my back on them. I choose to be alone! I see
many such a kind of dreams.
Counselor: So in your daydrea ms, you play a character who wants to be
liked or loved but who gets some kind of satisfaction from
rejecting those who haven’t loved him back. I’m not sure,
I’ve got that right.
Client: Well... yes... I somewhat contradict myself... I do not want to
be loved, but I guess, I don’t do very much to get a real
social life. It’s all in my head.
The counselor’s probe reflects a clear statement about the client’s
thoughts. The counselor also helps the client explore his fantasy life in
order to find out what the client wants from his relationships with others
and what he needs to do to get it.
{Source: Egan, G. (2014). The skilled helper: A problem -Management
and opportunity -development approach to helping (10th Ed.). Belmont:
Brooks/Cole CENGAGE Learning - A mod ified version of example}.
Here, we saw that the counselor’s probes with empathic responses led to
clarity about the client’s story in the above example. Probing led to the
client’s story getting more specific. Thus, the motive behind the probing
was getti ng the specific details that would bring clarity about the problem
or an unused opportunity to plan further steps.
iv) Use probes to explore and clarify clients’ points of view,
intentions, proposals, and decisions:
Many times clients may fail to clarify their points of view, intentions,
proposals, and decisions. For example, a decision announced by the clients
may sound unclear, and even the reasons behind it and its implications for
the clients and others may not be clear. The following example deals wit h
one such case, which will help us understand the use of probing for
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68 Example 5.15 :
Here, a client has met a bad automobile accident while driving under the
influence and fortunately he was the only one to get hurt. He is recovering
physically, but his psychological recovery has been slow. During this
recovery period, many psychological problems were revealed that were
not being dealt with. One such problem is a lack of self -responsibility. A
counselor is helping the client work on s ome of the issues.
Client: I don’t think that the laws around driving under the influence
should be as tough as they are. I’m scared to death of what
might happen to me if I ever had an accident again.
Counselor: So you feel you are in trouble... I’m no t sure why you think
that the laws are too tough?
Client: Well, they bully us. One little mistake and the game is over!
Your freedom is thrown out. Laws should make people free.
Counselor: Well, let’s explore a little. Hmm... let’s say all laws on
drivin g under the influence were dropped. Then, starting
from zero, if you are asked to start adding ones that make
sense. Where would you start?
Here, the counselor knows that the client is running away from taking
responsibility for his actions. So, the counse lor uses probes to get him to
spell out the implication of his point of view on DUI (driving under
influence) laws to attempt to help the client listen carefully to himself.
{Source: Egan, G. (2014). The skilled helper: A problem -Management
and opportunity -development approach to helping (10th Ed.). Belmont:
Brooks/Cole CENGAGE Learning - A modified version of example}.
Here, the probes used by the counselor were aimed at exploring and
clarifying the client’s points of view, intentions, etc. The counselor a lso
attempted to encourage the client to engage in self -responsible behaviour
by explaining the implications of his decisions for himself and others.
v) Use probes to help clients fill in missing pieces of the picture:
Probes help the therapeutic dialogue progress by helping clients identify
missing pieces of information, such as thoughts, experiences, behaviours,
and feelings to complete a problem -management puzzle. This will help
both – clients and counselors – get a better solution to the problem or an
unused opportunity; discover possibilities for a better future, or even
coming with a plan of action. Let us see the following example:
Example 5.16 :
A client is experiencing a conflict with his wife over his mother -in-law’s
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69 Other Skills - I Counselor: I realize now that you often get angry when your mother -in-
law stays for more than a day. But I’m still not sure what
makes you angry over her.
Client: First of all, she throws our household schedule out and puts
her own. Then she provides a steady flow of ad vice on how
to raise the kids. My wife sees this as an “inconvenience”.
For me, it’s a total family disruption. When she leaves, there
is a lot of emotional cleaning up to be done.
Counselor: So when your mother -in-law takes over everything gets
turned up side down... How do you react in the face of all this
turmoil?
Client: Well... well... I guess I go silent. Or I just get out of there, go
somewhere, and become very angry. After she has gone, I
take it out on my wife, who still doesn’t see why I’m
annoye d so much.
Thus, here, the counselor probes the client to get some missing
information on the direct communication between him and his mother -in-
law, and his reactions to it. Probes are also directed to know the efforts
taken by the client for bringing an y changes.
{Source: Egan, G. (2014). The skilled helper: A problem -Management
and opportunity -development approach to helping (10th Ed.). Belmont:
Brooks/Cole CENGAGE Learning - A modified version of example}.
Such probes directed towards getting missing i nformation also help clients
get better clarity about their own behaviour exhibited in order to bring the
desired changes. Thus, it will help them to take further thoughtful steps to
resolve their problem.
vi) Use probes to help clients move into more ben eficial stages of the
helping process:
Probes can be used to help clients tell their stories more fully, face blind
spots, set goals, formulate action strategies, discuss obstacles to action,
and review the actions taken. Thus, they can help clients engage in
dialogue about any part of the helping process, and move to the next stage
of the process easily and successfully. The following example
demonstrates how the counselor helps a couple by probing to move on to
problem -managing action.
Example 5.17 :
Mr. S and Mrs. F are a middle -aged couple, who have been complaining
about each other. Besides, they have talked vaguely about “reinventing”
their marriage, which is a term used in a sort of marriage encounter group
they attended. The couple has also hinted at doing more things in
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70 Counselor: What kind of things do you like doing together? What are
some possibilities?
Mrs. F: I can think of something, though it might sound stupid to you
(with a glance toward her husband). We both like doing
things for o thers, you know, caring about people. Before we
were married, we talked about spending some time in the
Peace Corps together, though it never happened.
Mr. S: I wish we had... But those days are past.
Counselor: Are they? The Peace Corps may not be an op tion, but there
must be other possibilities. (Noone of the couple says
anything) I tell you what. Take a piece of paper. Jot down
three ways of helping others. Do your own list. Forget what
your spouse might be thinking.
Thus, the counselor’s probes encour age Mr. S and Mrs. F to brainstorm
possibilities for some kind of service to others. This helps them move
away from exploring the torturous problem to opportunity development.
{Source: Egan, G. (2014). The skilled helper: A problem -Management
and opportuni ty-development approach to helping (10th Ed.). Belmont:
Brooks/Cole CENGAGE Learning - A bit modified version of example}.
In the above example, we can see how the probes used by the counselor
help the clients move into a more beneficial stage of the couns elling
process.
vii) Use probes to invite clients to challenge themselves:
Sharing empathic responses can be a mild form of social influence or
challenge. But, many times empathic responses act as probes also. They
can be indirect requests for further info rmation or ways of moving clients
toward a more productive stage of the helping process. They can be
invitations to self -challenge. Many probes are not just requests for relevant
information, but they often place some kind of demand on the client to
respon d, reflect, review or re -evaluate. Probes can also serve as a bridge
between communicating understanding to clients and helping them
challenge themselves. Let’s understand this from the following example.
Example 5.18 :
In this example, a client has committ ed himself to support some of his
mother’s possessive ways. But now he shows signs of weakening
resolution.
Counselor: The other day you talked of “having it out with her” – though
that might be a too strong term. But just now you mentioned
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71 Other Skills - I Client (pausing): Well, I think you might be witnessing nervousness...
She is a very strong woman.
Here, the counselor helps the client reconsider his decision of “getting
tough” in s ome decent way with his mother. The counselor also helps him
think about what can be done to strengthen his resolve, if he really wants
things that way.
{Source: Egan, G. (2014). The skilled helper: A problem -Management
and opportunity -development approach to helping (10th Ed.). Belmont:
Brooks/Cole CENGAGE Learning - A bit modified version}.
This example demonstrates how the probes make the clients challenge
themselves in terms of their thoughts, views about their current problems.
5.2.4 Probes with Empath ic Response:
During the counselling sessions, it is difficult using the skills one at a
time. Rather, they must be intermingled naturally in the give -and-take of
the session at any point of the helping process. Thus, the skilled helpers
continually tune in , listen actively, and use a mix of probes and empathy
to help their clients clarify and focus on their actual concerns, deal with
their blind spots, set goals, make plans, and work on them actively to get
things done with possible desired changes. The for mula of the right mix of
different skills often depends on the clients, their needs, the problem
situation, possible opportunities, and the stage of the helping process.
The basic guideline about probing with empathic responses is that the
counselors must respond with empathy to what the clients say after the
counselors use a probe. The counselors should use one probe with another,
only when i) the probe is effective enough to yield some important
information that needs to be listened to and understood, ii) an empathic
response is accurate, which tends to succeed in placing a demand on the
clients to explore further. Below is the example of the same case dealt
with by the two different counselors (Counselor A and Counselor B) using
different probes. Let’s ha ve a look at the example.
Example 5.19 :
In this example, the client is a young Chinese American woman whose
father died in China and whose mother is now dying in the United States.
She is sharing about the common subordination of Chinese women. She is
afraid of being passive in her American life. She also talks about her
sister, who gives everything to her husband without expecting anything in
return.
Counselor: To what degree is this modest role rooted in your culture?
Client: Well, being somewhat modest is certainly in my cultural
genes. And yet I see many of my North American
counterparts adopting a very different style, when I look
around. A style that frankly appeals to me. But last year, I
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72 sisters. And the moment I landed, I wasn’t American. I was
totally Chinese again.
Here, we see that the client is sharing something significant about herself.
Now let’s look at the different probes used by Counselor A and Counselor
B in continuation of this di alogue...
Counselor A: What did you learn there?
Client: That I am Chinese!
Here, Counselor A uses another probe, instead of responding to the client
with an empathic response. This elicits only a repetition of what she had
just said. Besides, a probe us ed by the counselor also causes some
annoyance in the client.
Counselor B : There you learned just how deep your cultural roots go.
Client: And if these roots are so deep, what does that mean for me
here? I love my Chinese culture. I want to be Chinese and
American at the same time. How to do that? Well, I haven’t
figured it out yet. I thought I had, but I haven’t.
Here, Counselor B uses an empathic response which seems to work more
effectively than the probe used by Counselor A. This helped the client
move forward to explore her thoughts and feelings.
{Source: Egan, G. (2014). The skilled helper: A problem -Management
and opportunity -development approach to helping (10th Ed.). Belmont:
Brooks/Cole CENGAGE Learning - A bit modified version}.
Thus, this exampl e clearly illustrates how probing with an empathic
response works better and effectively and helps the clients move on to the
productive stage of the helping process by thinking aloud and exploring
more of their stories. This gives a clear picture of how t he combination of
empathic responses and probing gets things moving, rather than making
the client focus on their miseries.
Thus, the counselors should be careful while responding empathically, so
that their responses should not sound “automatic”. Another important
thing to note down is that the counselors should not appear as
“interrogators”, asking so many questions or probing unnecessarily. All
responses to the clients, including probes and challenges, are empathic
when they are based on a solid understa nding of the clients’ core messages
and points of view. This is especially true in the case of clients from
different cultural backgrounds. Hence, while dealing with clients from
different cultures using the probes, the counselors must consider the
followi ng things: i) they should be aware and sensitive about the clients’
cultural differences, ii) they must be flexible and adapt their skills to
accommodate the clients’ culture, iii) they must remember that the clients’
issues are developed in a cultural con text, iv) they should listen to family
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73 Other Skills - I facing can be resolved within that family and cultural context. Table 5.1
presents the guidelines for using probes.
Table 5.1 Guidelines fo r Using Probes :
 Keep in mind the goals of probing. Use probes to:
 Help clients engage as fully as possible in the therapeutic
dialogue.
 Help non -assertive or reluctant clients tell their stories and
engage in other behaviours related to managing their pro blems
and developing opportunities.
 Help clients identify experiences, behaviours, and feelings that
give focus to their stories.
 Help clients open up new areas for discussion.
 Help clients explore and clarify stories, feelings, points of
view, decisions , and proposals.
 Help clients be as concrete and specific as possible.
 Help clients remain focused on relevant and important issues.
 Help clients move on to a further stage of the helping process.
 Use probes to provide nudges or mild challenges to clie nts to examine
the way they think, behave, and act both within helping sessions and
in their daily lives.
 Make sure that probing is done along with empathy.
 Use a mix of statements, open -ended questions, prompts, and
requests, not questions alone.
 Follow u p a successful probe with an empathic response rather than
another probe.
 Use whatever judicious mixture of empathic responses and probing is
needed to help clients clarify problems, identify blind spots, develop
new scenarios, search for action strategies , formulate plans, and
review outcomes of action.
{Source: Egan, G. (2014). The skilled helper: A problem -management
and opportunity -development approach to helping (10th Ed.). Belmont:
Brooks/Cole Cengage Learning}.
5.3 SUMMARIZING Like probing, summarizi ng is another important communication skill that
can be used to provide both focus, direction, and challenge during the
counselling session. Hence, the counselors should develop their ability to
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74 process. This intervention strategy enables the counselors to do several
things, such as i) reviewing verbally various types of information that have
been presented in the session, ii) highlighting significant information in
the opinion of the counsel ors based on everything that has been discussed
in the earlier session/s, and iii) providing the clients with an opportunity to
hear the various issues that they have presented. Thus, summarizing helps
both the counselors and the clients providing with the opportunity to
review and determine the significance of the information presented in the
session/s, as well as to use this review to establish priorities.
According to Brammer (1973), several goals can be achieved by
thoughtful use of summarizing. A few of them are: i) “warming up” the
clients, ii) focusing on scattered thoughts and feelings, iii) bringing the
discussion of a particular theme to a close, and iv) prompting the clients to
explore a theme more thoroughly. This section will help us understand the
art of summarizing and its effective use.
5.3.1 Using Summaries When They Add Value:
Summarizing is used to gather together a clients’ verbalizations, such as
facts, feelings, meanings, and patterns; and to restate them to the clients as
accurately as possible. According to Brammer and MacDonald (1996),
summaries frequently give the clients a feeling of movement as ideas and
feelings are explored. Using summaries is useful in particularly three
phases: i) at the beginning of a new session, ii) when the session seems to
be going in no particular direction, and iii) when the clients need a new
perspective. Apart from this, summaries are also valuable to counselors to
check the accuracy of their own understanding of the information that has
been gathered i n the session. Let us see how it can be used effectively in
each of these three phases.
a) At the beginning of a new session:
Sometimes clients may seem uncertain about how to begin sharing in a
new session. In such a situation, using summaries at the begi nning of a
new session will help the counselors prevent the clients from repeating the
same thing from the previous session. This also encourages the clients to
move on by putting them under certain pressure for the same. Apart from
this, beginning a new s ession with summarizing serves several important
purposes, such as i) it shows the clients that the counselors have listened
carefully to what was said by the clients in the last session, ii) it also
shows that the counselors also have had thought over wha tever was shared
in the last session, iii) it helps clients begin a new session with the new
point in continuation to the last session, iv) it offers the clients opportunity
to add or even modify what was said by them earlier, v) it also places the
respons ibility on the clients for moving forward in the helping process.
Apart from this, feedback from clients at the beginning and end of each
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75 Other Skills - I b) During the session that is going in no dir ection:
One of the main reasons why the session may lose direction is that many
times the counselors allow the clients to keep discussing the same things
over and over again. Such a situation may arise if the counselors i) do not
help the clients go more deeply into their stories, focus on possibilities,
and goals, ii) do not discuss strategies that will help the clients get what
they need and want. The important purpose to summarize at this stage is to
help the clients move beyond “pitying themselves” and find ways of
coping with their current problems.
c) When the client needs a new perspective:
Bringing the scattered elements together often helps the clients see the
“bigger picture” more clearly. This offers the clients a new perspective
related to thei r concerns and insight into the solution to their problems.
Thus, summarizing at this stage is also helpful for demanding clients’
cooperation with genuine efforts in further counselling sessions. Because
it manages well to give fair clarity to the clients about how important and
helpful the further sessions will be if the clients take responsibility and
interest in exploring their stories. The following example illustrates the
same.
Example 5.20 :
A man has been reluctant to go to a counselor with his wife . In the solo
session with the counselor he agrees to a couple of sessions. In this
particular session, he talks a great deal about his behaviour at home.
Counselor: I would like to pull a few things together. You have
encouraged your wife in her career, especially when things
are difficult for her at work. You also encourage her to spend
time with her friends as a way of enjoying herself. You also
make sure that you spend time with the kids. In fact, time
with them is important for you.
Client: Yes. That ’s right.
Counselor: Also, if I have heard you correctly, you currently take care of
the household finances. You are usually the one who accepts
or rejects social invitations, because your schedule is tighter
than hers. And now you are about to ask her to move because
you can get a better job in Boston.
Client: When you put it all together like that, it sounds as if I’m
running her life... She never tells me so.
Counselor: Maybe we could talk a little about this when the three of us
get together.
Client : Hmm... Well, I would... Hmm... [smiles]. I would better
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76 A summary by the counselor provides the client with a mild jerk and helps
him realize that he needs to face up to the fact that he is making many
decisions for his wife and some of them are very big.
{Source: Egan, G. (2014). The skilled helper: A problem -Management
and opportunity -development approach to helping (10th Ed.). Belmont:
Brooks/Cole CENGAGE Learning - A bit modified version}.
This example shows how the client who was reluctant earlier to attend the
counselling session is ready to attend the upcoming counselling sessions,
when the counselor offered him a new perspective about his important role
in the family.
5.3.2 How to Get Clients to Pro vide Summaries:
Summaries can be helpful when clients are puzzled about where to go next
either in the helping session or even in real -life situations. In such cases,
counselors’ probes will help them move on, but summaries will help them
move on more with responsibility. Another important thing is that the
counselors do not require to provide a summary always. Sometimes
counselors also can ask clients to summarize by pulling the important
points together from the last session. And this often proves to be b etter in
helping the client play a major role in the helping process and move on. Of
course, counselors also can provide some help to the clients for
summarizing if required.
5.4 EXAMPLE OF USE OF PROBES AND SUMMARIES IN THE CASE OF MARCUS AND ANDRÉA Marc us (a counselor) and Andréa (his client) are in a counselling session.
Marcus is using probes throughout his dialogue to help Andréa get greater
depth and clarity about the key issues discussed by her. In the following
dialogue, he helps Andréa review her encounters with people of her age
during her visit to Iran. Marcus thinks that she might find implications or
guidelines for a better future for herself. Let us have a look at the
exchange of dialogues between them in one of their sessions:
Marcus: It mig ht be useful to review what you learned during your trip to
Iran. There might be some hints on how to shape your future
here.
Andréa: Given what I’ve read about Iran, I expected everyone to be well,
depressed. The economy there is tough and I don’t think they
have the kind of freedom that we have here.
Marcus: But you discovered that they have their own kind of freedom.
Andréa: Exactly. The young people wanted greater freedom, but they
were almost happy. They criticized the government a lot just as
we d o. They criticized their religious leaders for being too
conservative and too controlling. But they didn’t criticize the
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77 Other Skills - I they didn’t just complain as some young people here do. They
talked abo ut ideas. They looked excited talking about better
ways of doing things. And they loved their culture. They didn’t
seem constrained by it. That is, they seem to feel freer than I do.
To tell you the truth, I didn’t experience the kind of miserable
life tha t is reported in the press here in the west.
Marcus: This sounds so positive. Even their complaining sounds
positive.
Andréa: Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that everything was perfect.
Marcus: That’s a good point. You don’t want to idealize what yo u
experienced there, but it strongly appealed to you.
Andréa: That’s just it! It appealed to me. It was positive and it made me
think of what is lacking in my own life.
Marcus: The contrast hits you. The “cultural ghetto” feeling.
Andréa: And, it is the feeling. The young people I met talked positively
about family life even though they found some of it
constraining. They were energized by their families and
communities. I was jealous because they had a community of
friends. The families I visited were a live. I don’t have a
community of friends. I never found a home so lively. And it’s
even worse now after the conversation with my father. I am
jealous of the young people I met even more.
Marcus: So finding or creating your version of what you experienced
over there is central to the future you would like to create for
yourself.
Andréa: You can say that. When I talk to you about the future I always
feel better. Even now after the disastrous conversation with my
father.
At this point, Marcus uses a combina tion of empathy and probing to help
Andréa explore other issues in her life, such as her relationship with her
mother, and how that plays out in the task of creating a better future for
herself. To help Andréa reset the system after her disastrous conversa tion
with her father, Marcus also suggested that she should summarize what
was happened and what she has learned up to this point. His suggestion
near the end of the session makes both of them agree on beginning the
next session with her summary. Here is t he interaction between them in
the next session.
Marcus: Well, Andréa, where do we start?
Andréa: I would like to talk about the key things that I have learned so
far and use them as a reference point for getting my life in
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78 carve out my future. All that has happened, has made me both
realistic and more determined. Yet also more fearful.
Marcus: So you are wiser now, but with your eyes wide open what you
see is scary.
Andréa: Yes, the challe nges scare me. I have a huge dilemma. I want to
create a full life for myself both for my career and social life.
But my wants clash with what my parents want. They see my
desire to create a different life for myself as a betrayal. They are
older now and m y father’s health is doubtful. It’s a kind of
cultural clash inside me – the American who wants to move on
versus the dutiful Iranian daughter who knows what she has to
do. But I know that’s too simplistic.
Marcus: Or it may be a simple framework for gett ing a clear picture of
the elements that are in conflict.
Andréa: Yes, something like a tool or a map.
Marcus: What are the main features of the “social life” issue?
Andréa: The equation is wrong. My home life and my work life are
equal to my social lif e. I don’t have friends of my age. I don’t
have a friendship community. I would like to have friends of all
ages. That’s what I liked about Iran. I don’t have any close
friends, women or men. Some of the conversations I have with
you, I should be having wi th friends.
Marcus: So the balance between work and social life is wrong and needs
some immediate attention. Anything on the positive side?
Andréa: Well, I do feel secure at home and work. But It’s a kind of
lifeless security. This may sound self -servin g, but the most
positive thing about the social picture is my desire for a more
engaging community of some kind. I loved my brief affair with
an expanded social life in Iran. People are good for me and I’m
good for them.
Marcus: So you are ready to go. Wh at about your friend Jim?
Andréa: I found out that Jim is getting divorced. We get along well, but
he is not the one. I’m not sure there will ever be a “one”.
They go on to review the main features of Andréa’s career aspirations and
where she stands for t hem. She talks about what it is like being a “cultural
hybrid”. Andréa concludes by reviewing her main challenge.
Andréa: Right now something in me says that I can’t follow my heart in
either my social or work life without in some sense abandoning
my pare nts. And I don’t want to abandon them. I don’t think I
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79 Other Skills - I Marcus: So the search is on its way to do both career and social life
without abandoning them. Where does “not always pleasing
them” fit into the picture?
The issues are fairly clear in Andréa’s case. Andréa knows pretty much
what she wants, but at the moment she can not see how she can get what
she wants. Figuring this out is a further challenge for both the counselor
and the client.
{Source: Egan, G. (2014). The skilled helper: A problem -Managem ent
and opportunity -development approach to helping (10th Ed.). Belmont:
Brooks/Cole CENGAGE Learning - A bit modified version of example}.
5.5 SUMMARY Nudges are important factors that are powerful and yet gentle and they
include appropriate treatment mod els, counselors’/ helpers’ own
framework, methods, and communication skills applied by them to make
the therapy successful The counselors need to be skillful to make powerful
use of nudges to facilitate the decision -making of the client. Probing and
summar izing are two of the important communication skills that
counselors often use as a nudge and helpful strategies for dealing with the
problems of the clients effectively. At times, the clients are likely to fail to
explore their concerns spontaneously. At s uch points, along with sharing
empathic responses, the counselors require to nudge and encourage the
clients to prompt them to do so by using their communication skills and
ability to use prompts and probes well.
Probes and prompts are verbal and non -verbal, which help clients talk
more freely and concretely about any issue at any stage of the helping
process. Verbal prompts are intentional and include responses, such as
“um”, “uh -huh”, “sure”, “yes”, “I see”, “ah”, “oh”, and “okay”. On the
other hand, non -verbal prompts include counselors’ bodily movements,
gestures, nods, eye movements, and other such cues, which can also be
used effectively to progress the counselling session further. Statements,
requests, and questions are different types of probes, whi ch provide
clarity. Two important guidelines for using probes are avoiding too many
questions and asking open -ended questions more than closed questions.
This helps the counselors gain important information from the clients. We
also learned about some majo r guidelines for using probes. The basic
guideline about probing with empathic responses is that the counselors
must respond with empathy to what the clients say after using a probe.
During counselling sessions, the communication skills must be
intermingle d naturally in the give -and-take at any point of the helping
process
Summarizing can be used to provide both focus, direction, and challenge
during the counselling session. It helps both the counselors and the clients
by providing them with the opportunity to review and determine the
significance of the information presented in the session, and to use this
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80 beginning of a new session, when the session seems to be going in no
particular d irection, and when the clients need a new perspective. Both –
counselors as well as clients – can summarize by pulling the important
points together from the last session.
5.6 QUESTIONS 1. Explain probing as an important communication skill during the
helping process/counselling session and discuss the various types of
probing (statements, requests and questions).
2. Give short notes on verbal and non -verbal prompts.
3. Explain the guidelines for using “questions” as probes.
4. Give short notes on close d and open -ended questions as probes.
5. Explain in detail the guidelines for using probes.
6. Explain using probes with empathic response in brief.
7. Discuss summarizing as an important communication skill during the
helping process/counselling sessio n. Discuss three major situations,
when summarizing can be used effectively.
5.7 REFERENCES  Egan, G. (2014). The skilled helper: A problem -management and
opportunity -development approach to helping (Tenth Edition).
Belmont: Brooks/Cole CENGAGE Learning.
 Capuzzi, D., & Stauffer, M. D. (2009). Counselling and
psychotherapy: Theories and interventions. (6th Ed.) (Eds.).
Alexandria: American Counseling Association.
 Capuzzi, D., & Gross, D. R. (2017). Introduction to the counselling
profession (7th Ed.) (Eds.). New York: Routledge.
 Nelson -Jones, R. (2016). Basic counselling skills: A helper’s manual
(4th Ed.). Los Angeles: Sage Publications.


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81 6
OTHER SKILLS - II
B. Challenging a nd Self -Disclosure
C. Dealing with Resistance
Unit Structure
6.0 Objective
6.1 Challenging
6.1.1 Concept of self -challenge
6.1.2 Targets of self -challenge
6.1.3 Identifying blind spots
6.1.4 Skills to challenge bli nd spots
6.1.5 Helpers’ self -challenge
6.2 Helpers’ self -disclosure
6.3 Reluctance and resistance
6.3.1 Identifying reluctance and resistance
6.3.2 Dealing with reluctance and resistance
6.4 Summary
6.5 Questions
6.6 References
6.0 OBJECTIVES  To develop an understanding of other skills used in the process of
counselling
 To develop an understanding of the skill of challenging
 To develop an understanding of the skill of self -disclosure
 To develop an understanding of the skill of dealing with resis tance
6.1 CHALLENGING Previously, we learned about probes and summarizing as important
communication skills and kinds of nudges frequently used by counselors
in the helping process to help clients gain clarity and insight into their
present situation and h elp them make decisions. Here, as an extension to
what we learned previously, we will learn other important communication
skills used to make the helping process effective: challenging, helpers’
self-disclosure, and dealing with reluctance and resistance. This particular
section deals with challenging, self -challenges for clients (Section 6.1.1
through Section 6.1.4) as well as counselors as helpers (Section 6.1.5),
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82 Challenging the clients from an ex ternal frame of reference helps them
develop new and better perspectives about themselves, others, and their
problem situations. It invites clients to examine the discrepancies in their
feelings, thoughts, and communication of which they are unaware for
various reasons. Challenging is effective when done skillfully. Two
distinctive characteristics of skillful challenges are i) they tend to be fairly
close to clients’ existing perspectives, and ii) they are presented in a
relatively non -threatening manner.
Challenges are invitations for exploration. Therefore, counselors should be
careful about their vocal and body communication while presenting
challenges to the clients. That is, their vocal and body communication
should be relaxed and friendly. Counselors should avoid making strong
challenges at the beginning stage of the profession as helpers. Strong
challenges often result from counselors’ inexperience, which may cause
risk to their therapeutic relationship with the clients. Therefore, beginning
counselor s should restrict themselves to presenting mildly threatening
challenges. Well -timed and tactfully worded challenges are helpful in
getting genuine responses from clients and keeping their defensiveness
under control. Also, skillful challenges help clients enlarge their
understanding and act more effectively. This whole process of challenging
will lead to clients deciding whether challenges help them move forward
in their exploration. Clients’ positive feedback on this is likely to boost the
working allianc e between counselors and the clients.
Counselors may use verbal messages for challenges, such as, “On the one
hand... on the other.... “, “ On the one hand..., but......”, “You say...,
but....”, and “I’m getting two messages....”, or “I’m getting a mixed
message....”. Challenges beginning with such phrases are mildly
threatening. They also indicate the discrepancy between two statements
made by the clients and place the responsibility on the clients to explain
their points of view and explore their feeling s and thoughts. Challenging
helps counselors find out inconsistencies between the ten pairs of
dimensions (Table 6.1) based on their observations and communication
with clients.
Table 6.1 Examples of Challenging Inconsistencies Inconsistencies between Examples (Verbal messages by counselors) 1. Verbal/ vocal and bodily communication “On the one hand, you are saying you are all right, but I see the pain in your voice and your eyes look a little weepy.” 2. Words and actions “You say that your kids are the most important thing to you in the world, but you seem to rarely go to be with them.” 3. Values and actions “You say that you value honesty, but you also don’t mind changing the truth sometimes.” munotes.in

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83 Other Skills – II 4. Giving and keeping one’s word “You said that you would spend more time with your children, but do not seem to have done so.” 5. Negative self-picture and positive evidence “You say you are no good with people, yet you seem to have some very good friends." 6. Goals and actions “You say you want to get a job and gain financial independence, however, you are also telling me you have done little about looking for a job.” 7. Earlier and present statements “A moment ago you said that you were
uneasy about your social work course, but
now you are saying it is qui te good.” 8. Statements and evidence “You said that your boyfriend never does
anything for you, but now you have just
told me that he took you out to dinner on
your birthday.” 9. Thoughts, feelings, and actual communication “You get extremely tense about going to
parties, but you are also saying that you
manage to perform so that it is hard for
people to notice how tense you get.” 10. Own and others’ evaluations “I’m getting two messages. You feel that you are hopeless at cooking, but feedback from your girlfriend seems to be that she is pleased with your efforts.”
{Sources: 1. Nelson -Jones, R. (2009). Introduction to counselling skills:
Text and activities (3rd Ed.). Bangalore: Sage Publications; 2. Nelson -
Jones, R. (2016). Basic counselling skills: A helper’s manual (4th Ed.).
Los Angeles: Sage Publications}
There are chances that clients may feel disrespected at times when offered
challenges. They also resist when the challenges are strong. Strong
challenges should be avoided even by the skilled couns elors and helpers,
especially in the initial sessions where rapport and trust are yet to be
established. Counselors also should not challenge the clients persistently
as no one likes to be challenged persistently. Clients can use different
strategies to re sist challenges, such as i) dishonouring challengers, ii)
convincing counselors to change their views, iii) devaluing the issue, iv)
seeking support elsewhere because views are being challenged, and v)
agreeing with the challenge inside helping, but then d oing nothing about it
outside helping process.
6.1.1 Concept of Self -Challenge:
We learned that the different techniques which help clients place demands
on themselves are known as “nudging” and that this nudging helps clients
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84 discover and tap the resources within and around themselves. A stronger
form of nudging is inviting the clients to challenge themselves in a variety
of ways. Counselors help clients engage in self -challenge in order to
highlight and promote self -responsibility and self -determination. They use
their communications skills to help clients engage in self -challenge for
reality testing. Thus, the overall goal of challenging is to help clients do
some reality testing a nd invest what they learn from this in creating a
better future for themselves.
We face conflicts that make us challenge ourselves at all levels of life.
Failure to challenge in some areas of life can make us distressed. Though
self-initiated self -challeng e is ideal, it doesn’t happen usually. Helping in
its best form is a constructive social influence process and it involves
some forms of challenges. The ultimate goal of helping is to achieve a set
of life -enhancing and problem -managing outcomes for client s. All
effective helping involves some kind of mixture of support and challenge.
Hence, the clients will have to support and challenge themselves in order
to manage their problem situations. In some cases, clients will also need to
support and challenge th eir family members to overcome a problem
situation. A challenge without support is harsh and unjustified, and
support without challenge can make a person feel empty and
counterproductive. Hence, the right mixture of both – challenge and
support – is essent ial.
According to Wei and Ku (2007), it is especially important to help clients
challenge their self -defeating patterns of thinking, expressing emotions,
and behaving. Therefore, counselors should help clients challenge
themselves to change ways of thinki ng, expressing emotions, and acting
that keep them caught up in problem situations and prevent them from
identifying and developing opportunities. Also, counselors should become
partners with their clients in helping them challenge themselves for several
purposes, such as i) to find possibilities in their problems, ii) to discover
unused internal and external strengths and resources, iii) to invest those
resources in the problems and opportunities of their lives, iv) to spell out
possibilities for a better future, v) to find ways of making that future a
reality, and vi) to commit themselves to the actions needed to make it all
happen.
Beliefs, values, norms, ethics and morality are the drivers of one’s
behaviour, based on which people make choices. Hence, co unselors
require to listen to these drivers carefully in the helping process. They also
must make the clients aware of these drivers and help them understand
how these drivers influence their decisions in the process of inviting them
to challenge themselve s.
6.1.2 Targets of Self -Challenge:
There are two types of self -challenges: i) one that involves self -criticism,
and ii) one that involves self -enhancement. Counselors should help clients
challenge everything that comes in a way of understanding and managi ng
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85 Other Skills – II opportunities. Self -challenge aims at helping clients challenge themselves
to participate fully in the helping process. Some of the main targets of self -
challenge are as follows:
1) Self -defeating mindsets:
Mindsets refer to more or less permanent states of mind, which include
prejudice, assumptions, attitudes, beliefs, values, biases, preferences,
norms, points of view, unexamined perceptions of self, others, and the
world, preconceptions, etc. Mindsets can be either productive or
problematic, which tend to drive external behaviour or at least be observed
in external behaviour. Therefore, the principle behind dealing with this
target is to invite clients to change outdated, self -limiting mi ndsets and
perspectives into self -enhancing and beneficial new perspectives that drive
problem -managing and opportunity -developing action. Let us understand
how these different mindsets can be dealt with:
 Prejudice: Counselors can invite the clients to re think their
prejudicial stereotypes. This can help the clients think more clearly
about their problem situations. Clients will need to discover that often
both parties are responsible to create a mess and contribute to their
problem situation. Thus, client s should examine their behaviour and
the degree to which it has been affected by their prejudices.
 Self-limiting beliefs and assumptions: Albert Ellis (Ellis, 2004; Ellis
& Ellis, 2011) claimed in his rational -emotional -behavioural approach
(REBT) to helpi ng that challenging clients’ irrational and self -
defeating beliefs is one of the most useful interventions. Ellis
identified some of the common dysfunctional beliefs in which people
tend to talk to themselves. These beliefs (Table 6.2) are seen to get in
the way of effective living.
Table 6.2: Dysfunctional beliefs and their meanings Dysfunctional Beliefs What do they mean? i) Being liked and loved I must always be loved and approved by the significant people in my life. ii) Being competent I must always, in all situations, demonstrate competence, and I must be both talented and competent in some important areas of life. iii) Having one’s own way I must have my way, and my plans must always work out. iv) Being hurt People who do anything wrong, especially those who harm me are evil and should be blamed and punished. v) Being danger-free If anything or any situation is dangerous in any way, I must be anxious and upset about it. I should not have to face dangerous situations. munotes.in

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86 vi) Being problemless Things should not go wrong in life, and if by chance they do, there should be quick and easy solutions. vii) Being a victim Other people and outside forces are responsible for any misery I experience. No one should be quick and easy solutions. viii) Avoiding It is easier to avoid facing life’s difficulties than to develop self-discipline; making demands of myself should not be necessary. ix) Tyranny of the past What I did in the past and especially what
happened to me in the past determines
how I act and feel today. x) Passivity I can be happy by being passive and
uncommitted, and by just enjoying myself.
{Source: Egan, G. (2014). The skilled helper: A problem -Management
and opportunity development approach to helping (10th Ed.). Belmont:
Brooks/Cole CENGAGE Learning}.
Ellis further suggested that violation of these kinds of beliefs in persons’
life make them see the experiences as terrible. In such situations, clients
should think that it is not the end of the world, rather they can often do
something to res olve such issues that make them feel terrible.
Sternberg (2002, 2003) also explored some self -beliefs that make smart
people get involved in stupid things at times. He (2003, p. 5) identified the
four such fallacies that reflect in the thinking of such pe ople:
i) The Egocentricism Fallacy: People consider their own interests while
planning their actions, thinking that it is all about them. They do not
think of anyone else’s interest.
ii) The Omniscience Fallacy: People may indeed know a lot about
somethi ng. But, they start to think that they know everything about
everything.
iii) The Omnipotence Fallacy: People think that they are all -powerful and
can do whatever they want.
iv) The Invulnerability Fallacy: People think that they can get away with
whatev er they do without being caught. Or, they will be able to free
themselves even if they are caught.
Also, Riso et al. (2007) described the kinds of maladaptive cognitive
schemas and core beliefs that characterize a range of psychological
disorders. Schemas refer to dysfunctional beliefs as well as to innate
systems of thinking that cause trouble. Identifying and dealing with such
disordered and self -defeating patterns of thinking can benefit clients, and munotes.in

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87 Other Skills – II counselors can add a great deal of value to their clie nts’ lives by helping
them in doing so.
2) Self -limiting internal behaviour:
Some forms of thinking are actually behaviours in which we can choose
whether to engage or not. They are actions that we can choose to do or
not. Our internal or cognitive behavio urs involve a wide range of
activities, such as daydreaming, praying, believing, identifying problems,
reviewing opportunities, making decisions, formulating plans, making
judgements, approving or disapproving of self and others, wondering,
valuing, imagin ing, creating standards and norms, ignoring, forgiving,
rehearsing, and many other things. Clients may need some help if they are
willing to replace their self -limiting and self -defeating internal behaviours
with more creative ones. Developing new perspect ives and changing
internal behaviour can enormously help some clients.
3) Self -defeating expressions of feelings and emotions:
Managing our emotions and the ways we express them is a part of our
socio -emotional intelligence. Some of our emotions are bottle d up, while
some are quite visible. Counselors can help their clients face the needless
denial and bottling up emotions, let emotions run internally, and self -
defeating forms of emotional expression. Berking et al. (2008, p. 485)
found that a focus on emot ion-regulation skills may play an important role
in the prevention and treatment of affect -related mental health problems.
4) Dysfunctional external behaviour:
The external behaviour of some clients creates trouble for them. Not doing
something is also co nsidered a form of behaviour. Clients often fail in
making choices and engaging in those particular behaviours that would be
helpful for them in coping with their problem situations and developing
opportunities. This is a form of self -defeating external be haviour based on
self-defeating thoughts. Making clients aware of their self -defeating
thoughts would be helpful for them in working on their external
behaviour. Therefore, counselors should help clients examine how their
self-defeating thoughts turn to be their external behaviour.
5) Distorted understanding of the world:
At times, clients may fail to see the world as it is in reality. This is a
distorted understanding of the world. It can keep the clients involved in
problem situations and prevent them f rom identifying and developing
opportunities. However, clients’ failure to fully understand the
environment in which they live and its impact on their lives does not mean
that they are stupid. They may fail to notice things that have a negative
impact on t heir lives. Hence, making clients aware of such a distorted
understanding of the world in their minds can help them make wise
decisions.
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88 6) Discrepancies:
There are various kinds of discrepancies that often influence our lives. For
example, discrepancies between thinking and acting. That is, we do not
always do what we say we are going to do. Such discrepancies keep
clients involved in their problem situations. They can include the
following and more of such things (refer Table 6.1):
 What clients think or feel versus what they say
 What they say versus what they do
 Their views about themselves versus the views that others have of
them
 What they are versus what they claim they want to be
 Their stated goals versus what they actually accomplish
 Their expressed goals versus their actual behaviour
In such cases, counselors can help the clients challenge the discrepancies
in their lives. This can help both counselors and clients to work together
on shaping a future for the clients.
7) Unused strengths and resourc es:
Clients’ self -challenge focus on their problems as well as their “possible
self”. Counselors can help clients become aware of the opportunities and
resources along with their strengths that are either unused or underused by
the clients (Aspinwall & Sta udinger, 2003; Tedeschi & Kilmer, 2005).
This can add great value to clients’ lives. Some of the resources are client -
based, which include talents and abilities that are not being used. Some are
external, which include failure to identify and use social su pport in
managing problems or developing opportunities. Counselors can help
clients to tap such resources that they have failed to use. This can be done
by helping clients ask themselves such questions as “What kind of unused
strengths do I have?”, “What c an I do to release and master both internal
and external resources?” Strengths are hidden even in dysfunctional
behaviour. According to Driscoll (1984), counselors as helpers can help
clients understand that even their irrational thoughts and behaviours ca n be
a source of their strength. Making clients aware of the logic behind even
apparently dysfunctional ideas and behaviours can enable clients to use
them for managing their problem situations.
8) The predictable dishonesties of everyday life:
These predi ctable dishonesties refer to everyday behaviours like
distortions, avoidance, tricks, excuse -making, etc. that keep people
involved in their problem situations. We all have ways to defend ourselves
i) from ourselves, ii) from others, and iii) from the worl d. A little
dishonesties within us are like two -edged swords. For example, our lies
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89 Other Skills – II by harming our relationships with others if we use them frequently as our
preferred coping strategy . Another example could be “blaming others”.
Blaming others for our misfortunes helps us save ourselves, but it is also
likely to disturb our interpersonal relationships and prevent us from
developing a healthy sense of self -responsibility. Such dishonesti es may
take place in or outside the helping sessions as more widespread patterns
of clients’ behaviour. Challenging the defences of clients could be
dangerous in some cases. Therefore, counselors should help clients
challenge themselves concerning their di shonesties to cope with their
inner and outer worlds more creatively, rather than challenging their
defences. Here are some types of dishonesties:
 Distortions: They are self -serving as they turn the picture of the
world for a person from too painful or dem anding to the comfortable
and peaceful one. Thus, some clients can distort a view of the world
in various ways according to their preferences.
 Games, Tricks, and Smoke Screen: Clients’ delusions that offer
them comfort and profit will be maintained by the clients obviously
and continually inside and outside the counselling sessions. Thus,
clients who are fearful of changing attempt to use communication in
order not to communicate. Therefore, counselors need to establish an
environment that discourages clien ts from playing such games.
 Excuses: They are universal and have their positive uses in life, like
games and distortions. Excuse -making helps a great deal to avoid
problems in life. Here, counselors should help the clients challenge
themselves to review a nd make changes in some of the ways they
think. Thus, skilled counselors should not let the clients take
advantage, despite being caring and empathic.
In reality, these eight and many other such targets often appear in
combination. This may result in inade quate management of feelings and
emotions influencing both internal and external behaviour. Here, the
counselors need to help clients change their relationships with
troublesome and unproductive thoughts and feelings by approving and
soothing them with res pectful attention. Thus, the counselors can help
clients determine the purpose of their lives.
6.1.3 Identifying blind spots:
The term “blind spot” refers to the condition that clients are not
necessarily aware of how they are limiting themselves. Thus, bl ind spots
are the things people fail to see or choose to ignore that restrict them from
identifying and managing problem situations or identifying and
developing opportunities for themselves. Ten common blind spots
identified by Van Hecke (2007) that get p eople in trouble are i) failure to
think things through, ii) always having the right answers, iii) failure to
pick up cues and clues and notice what is going on, iv) lack of self -
awareness, v) failure to explore one’s biases, vi) seeing the world through
rigid categories, vii) jumping to conclusions, viii) failure to check things
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90 and put things in context. According to Van Hecke, we often remain
ignorant of our own blind spots and “stupidities” while readily pointing
out others’ blind spots. Therefore, while inviting clients for self -challenge,
counselors should consider clients’ degree of awareness of self -limiting
thinking, emotional expressions, and behaviour. They require to ma ke
such clients aware of how they need to sharpen their perceptions of
themselves while being perceptive about others. They can also help the
clients understand how blind spots are obstacles to effective decision -
making. Let us have a look at some blind sp ots mentioned below:
1) Lack of awareness:
Whether intentional or unintentional, blind spots tend to come in the way
of change and are of various types. Making clients aware of things
unknown to them helps them know themselves better, cope with problems
and develop opportunities. This also leads to an insight into how lack of
awareness narrows their lives and how their mindset stands in the way of
change. This blind spot has different degrees ranging from “simple
unawareness” to “not so simple”.
2) Failure to think things through:
This is a very common human experience. We perform many tasks, such
as exploring problems, examining opportunities, searching for
possibilities, or formulating plans of action casually and incompletely. We
then proceed to make de cisions based on illogical reasoning. Sometimes
strong beliefs made stronger by emotions restrict the clients from thinking
things through. Habits, laziness, or thoughtlessness of clients also
influence their thinking. As a result, a failure to see the pos sible short -term
and long -term consequences of dysfunctional behaviour can mess up one’s
life. In such cases, counselors need to challenge the clients and help them
think key issues through.
3) Self -deception:
This type of blind spot differs from a simple lack of awareness and is
contrary to the kind of social -emotional maturity. Sometimes clients
choose to stay in dark about the things they would rather not know,
because they would be challenged to change their behaviour if they knew
them.
4) Choosing to stay in the dark:
This is another common human experience like a failure to think things
through. Heffernan (2011) calls this experience “willful blindness”, where
someone expresses saying for example, “I could find out, but I don’t want
to, at least not yet”. This indicates a sort of one’s unwillingness to know
something. In the helping process also, vague and ambiguous behaviour of
the clients with their counselors indicates that they may also be restricting
something from themselves, which would hurt to know or know more
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91 Other Skills – II 5) Knowing, not caring, and failing to see consequences:
Sometimes clients know that their thinking, forms of emotional
expressions, and acting are getting them into trouble or restricting them,
and yet they do not seem to care. This situation is called a blind spot in an
extended sense to describe such behaviour, because either clients do not
seem to fully understand or appreciate the degree to which they are
choosing their own misery, or they do not see the implications and
consequences of being careless.
Thus, the term blind spot includes a wide range of behaviour, such as
being unaware, deceiving ourselves, not wanting to know, ignoring, not
caring, or knowing but not fully. I n other words, we do not fully
understand the implications or the consequences of what we know. As
helpers, counselors should help clients deal with these blind spots as one
of the most important things. A list of important questions (Table 6.3) is
present ed below that would be helpful to disclose the blind spots.
Counselors can help their clients ask these questions to themselves in
order to develop new perspectives and change their internal as well as
external behaviour.
Table 6.3: Important Questions to Disclose Blind Spots  What problems am I avoiding?  What opportunities am I
ignoring?  What is really going on?  What am I overlooking?  What do I refuse to see?  What don’t I want to do?  What unverified assumptions am I making?  What am I failing to factor in?  How am I being dishonest with myself?  What’s underneath the rocks?  If others were honest with me, what would they tell me?
{Source: Egan, G. (2014). The skilled helper: A problem -Management
and opportunity development approach to helping (10th Ed.). Belmont:
Brooks/Cole CENGAGE Learning}.
Thus, counselors can help clients deal with their dysfunctional blind spots
to prevent further damage, limit damage that has already taken place, and
turn their problems into opportunities.
6.1.4 Skills to challenge blind spots:
So far, we have learned how self -challenge focuses on the kind of
understanding that leads to constructive change. We have also learned
how self -challenge can help clients turn their blind spots into new
perspectives and translate them into m ore constructive patterns of both
internal and external behaviour. This process of turning blind spots into
new perspectives is named with various positive terms, such as 1) seeing
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92 develo ping new perspectives, 5) spelling out implications, 6) changing
perceptions, 7) developing new frames of reference, 8) looking for
meaning, 9) shifting perceptions, 10) seeing the bigger picture, 11)
developing different angles, 12) seeing things in conte xt, 13) context
breaking, 14) rethinking, 15) getting a more objective view, 16)
interpreting, 17) overcoming blind spots, 18) second -level learning, 19)
double -loop learning (Argyris, 1999), 20) thinking creatively, 21)
reconceptualizing, 22) discovering, 23) having an “ah -ha” experience, 24)
developing a new outlook, 25) questioning assumptions, 26) getting rid of
distortions, 27) relabeling, 28) making connections, 29) frame -breaking,
30) frame -bending, and 31) reframing. Thus, all these terms imply some
sort of cognitive restructuring needed to identify and manage both
problems and opportunities.
Developing new perspectives is a painful experience at times. Therefore,
helping clients explore the consequences of their actions is one way of
helping them c hallenge their both internal and external actions. A basic
assumption that effective helpers have about their clients is that clients
have the resources to see themselves and the world in which they live in a
less distorted way and to act on what they see.
Indirect Approaches to Challenge Blind Spots/ Clients’ Self -challenge:
Here are three indirect approaches or skills mentioned below:
a) Advanced Empathy:
This skill or approach refers to capturing and sharing the fuller message or
the message behind the message. What makes advanced empathy a form
of challenge is that it tends to dig the hidden messages a bit deeper and
clients might not immediately recognize themselves from counselors’
response, which may cause an experience of instability. Advanced
empat hy invites clients to take a closer look at themselves and their
behaviour. Counselors can ask the following questions to themselves to
probe a bit deeper as they listen to clients:
 What is this person only half saying?
 What is this person hinting at?
 What is this person saying in a confused way?
 What covert message is behind the explicit message?
Thus, counselors focus on what clients are truly saying or at least
expressing by using advanced empathic listening and processing, though
tentatively and confuse dly. Counselors as skilled helpers capture and share
the message behind the message to focus on the problematic dimensions
of clients’ thinking, emotional expression, and behaviour. Also, they focus
on unused opportunities and resources. Being effective he lpers they listen
for and tap the resources hidden deeply in clients and often forgotten by
them. Advanced empathy can be practised in the following ways: munotes.in

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93 Other Skills – II Helping clients make the implicated implicit:
This is the most basic form of advanced empathy. It in volves helping
clients give fuller expression to what they are implying rather than saying
directly.
Helping clients identify themes in their stories:
Often certain themes emerge when clients narrate their stories. This
thematic material reveals feelings (e.g. hurt, anxiety), thoughts (e.g. being
preoccupied with the past), behaviour (e.g. controlling others, blaming
others, overwork), experiences (e.g. being a victim, punished, ignored), or
some combinations of these all themes. Counselors can share their
perceptions when they see a self -defeating theme or pattern emerging from
their discussion with clients and can help clients check out those self -
defeating themes.
Helping clients make connections that may be missing:
Clients often share their experienc es, thoughts, behaviours, and emotions
through their stories as much as possible. However, they may miss sharing
something which may be important and helpful to progress the session in
the right direction. In such situations, counselors need to help client s make
the kinds of connections that provide insights or perspectives that enable
them to move forward.
Sharing educated hunches based on empathic understanding:
While listening to the clients, counselors need to process thoughtfully
what clients say in o rder to put it all into context. Here, counselors begin
to form hunches about the message behind the message or the story behind
the story. Counselors can share the hunches that might add value
according to them. The hunches become more enlightening with i ncreased
maturity level, social competence, and experience of counselors in helping
others. Here are some benefits that the hunches offer:
 Helping clients see the bigger picture
 Helping clients go a bit deeper: Hunches help clients see more clearly
what they are expressing indirectly or merely implying.
 Helping clients see implications and draw conclusions: Hunches help
clients draw logical conclusions from what they are saying.
 Helping clients open up: Hunches help clients explore areas they are
only hin ting at.
 Helping clients see things they may be overlooking
 Helping clients own their stories: Hunches, overall, help clients take
fuller ownership of their experiences, behaviours, feelings, points of
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94 Counselors should use hunches, like all responses, based on their
understanding of their clients. Responding with empathy would not be
sufficient to draw inferences from clients’ history, experiences, or
behaviour at will. It also would not be enough to load clients with
interpretations that are more deeply rooted in counselors’ favourite
psychological theories of the clients’ world. Thus, counselors need to have
emotional intelligence and social competence to use constructive advanced
empathy.
b) Info rmation Sharing:
The information helps clients at any stage of the helping process. Clients
start sharing information once they are made aware in the initial therapy
session that they are not the first to try to cope with a particular problem.
The informat ion shared by them can help them further clarify possibilities
and set goals. Thus, information is also important at the implementation
stage. Information on obstacles commonly experienced by the clients
helps them cope and persist. On the contrary, some m issing information
makes it difficult for clients to explore their problems fully, set goals, and
proceed to action. The skill or strategy of information sharing includes
both providing new information and correcting misinformation. Thus, it
helps clients develop new perspectives on their problems or guides them
on how to act. It proves to be quite confirming and supportive in some
cases. On the other hand, in some cases, providing clients with new
perspectives can be both comforting and painful. In some si tuations,
giving information is especially useful, particularly when a lack of
accurate information is either causing a problem situation or is worsening
an existing problem. Here are a few cautions that counselors as helpers
should observe in giving infor mation:
 Be tactful when information is challenging, or even shocking, and
help the clients handle the disequilibrium that is likely to be caused by
the information.
 Do not overwhelm the clients with information.
 Make sure that the information you provide is clear and relevant to the
clients’ problem situation, and that it will not leave clients with any
kind of misunderstanding.
 Be supportive and help the clients process the information.
 Do not confuse information sharing with advice -giving. Professional
guidance differs from telling clients what to do.
c) Helpers’ Self -Disclosure:
Self-disclosure by counselors or helpers requires their ability and
willingness to share some of their own experiences, thoughts, behaviours,
and feelings with clients. It is one of the ways to help clients challenge
themselves. Effective helpers listen, process, respond and try to track and
manage the impressions they are making on clients. Helpers’ self -munotes.in

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95 Other Skills – II disclosure faces some criticisms, such as i) it is found to have the potenti al
to frighten clients, ii) it can make clients see counselors as less well -
adjusted helpers, iii) it is likely to place a burden on clients at times. On
the other hand, iv) it is well appreciated by clients as suggested by some
research studies, and v) so me clients see self -disclosing helpers as “down -
to-earth” and “honest”. vi) it can serve as a form of modelling in a direct
form.
Self-disclosure which helps clients develop new perspectives and new
possibilities for action is challenging. It puts pressur e on clients to talk
about themselves more openly or in a more focused way. Helpers’ self -
disclosure is challenging for at least these two reasons:
i) It is a form of closeness and is not easy to handle for some clients.
Therefore, counselors need to know precisely why they are revealing
information about themselves.
ii) It can indirectly convey a challenging message “You can do it too”.
Counselors’ revelations regarding their past failures often centre on
problem situations they have overcome or opportun ities they have
grabbed.
Sometimes clients misinterpret helpers’ self -disclosures and their intent.
However, such disclosures can be very encouraging for clients, if executed
properly. Section 6.2 deals with helpers’ self -disclosure separately and in
detail with a few guidelines for its execution in the helping process.
Direct Approaches to Challenge Blind Spots/ Clients’ Self -challenge:
Here are a few direct approaches to clients’ self -challenge:
a) Making Suggestions and Giving Recommendations:
Counselo rs should not tell clients what to do or should not try to control
their lives. Rather, they should let clients make their own decisions, which
should reflect the values of respect and empowerment. Some clients from
some cultures expect or want clear guida nce from counselors. However,
professional guidance should aim at facilitating self -responsibility in
clients. Counselors as helpers often experience tension between the desires
of having their clients manage their lives better and respecting their
clients ’ freedom. Strong and respectful relationships between counselors
and their clients make stronger and more direct interventions possible. At
this stage, suggestions and recommendations can encourage clients to
move to problem -managing action. Thus, counsel ors move from
counselling mode to guidance role.
Some research studies claim that clients generally prefer to go along with
recommendations from counselors when they are undoubtedly related to
their problem situation, challenge clients’ strengths, and are not too
difficult. Thus, effective helpers can provide suggestions,
recommendations, and even directives with respect to clients’ of their self -
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96 counselors can act as stimuli for cl ients to come up with their own
resources. It requires a great deal of experience with clients while offering
suggestions, advice, and directives. Therefore, novices should proceed
with caution and should not offer suggestions, advice, and directives to
their clients.
b) Confrontation as a Stronger Medicine:
Some clients terminate the helping relationship simply because they are
not willing to change. Such clients can be categorized across a continuum
from mildly to extremely reluctant or resistant. Even t here are chances that
they may be collaborative on some issues, while being reluctant on others.
In such cases, Patterson et al. (2004) address “crucial confrontations” that
can be helpful for people who fail to live up to clear and realistic
expectations that have been set up with them or for them. People who
break promises, violate expectations, or engage in some bad behaviour
should expect to be confronted. Confrontation skills help counselors focus
on the failure of their clients to live up to their own expectations, or the
defined legitimate expectations of the culture or community in which they
live. Confrontation does not involve ultimatums like “do this or else”.
Rather, it is more often a way of making sure that clients understand the
consequences o f not changing and of persisting in dysfunctional patterns
of behaviour or the cost of failing to use opportunities. Thus, confrontation
works as a strong medicine through caring for clients, if used carefully.
Confrontation should be empathic and respectf ul, should empower the
clients, and should lead to action. Counselors should not use confrontation
to vent their frustrations on reluctant and resistant clients.
c) Encouragement:
Encouragement is also one of the kinds of nudge and itself is a mild form
of challenge. It is also a form of support which is one of the main
ingredients in successful therapy. Counselors should encourage clients i)
to identify and talk about their problems and unused opportunities, ii) to
find their motives, and reasons for chan ge that make sense to them, iii) to
review possibilities for a better future, to set goals, and to engage in
actions, iv) to use the change options that they find fit best, and iv)
identify inevitable obstacles to change and ways of overcoming them.
Encour agement emphasizes intrinsic rather than extrinsic motives.
Intrinsic motives are those that clients have internalized for themselves
(e.g. “I want to be free”), while extrinsic motives are those which are not
internalized (e.g. “I’ll get in trouble if I d on’t change”). Realistic
encouragement as one of the helping skills can be used at any stage of the
helping process.
Rollnick and Millner (1995) introduced an approach called motivational
interviewing (e.g. Arkowitz & Westra, 2008; Michael et al., 2006) th at can
be used to help clients at any stage or for any task in the problem -
management framework. The motivational interviewing approach is an
admittedly directive approach with a gentle touch and it involves: i)
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97 Other Skills – II things as the consequences of their behaviour. Respect, self -determination,
self-empowerment, and self -healing are the core values emphasized in
motivational interviewing (Vansteenkiste & Sheldon, 2006). Apart from
this, empat hy as a value and empathic responses as a form of
communication skill is used extensively in the helping process. Empathy
differs from sympathy and it respects the clients’ autonomy and self -
healing abilities. Thus, it is a fully human nudge in the right d irection.
6.1.5 Helpers’ Self -Challenge:
Self-challenge applies to both – clients as well as counselors – equally.
Previous sections (Section 6.1.1 through Section 6.1.4) help us understand
all about self -challenge on part of clients, different ways that c ounselors
use to invite their clients to challenge themselves, and care the counselors
should follow while helping clients challenge themselves, and many other
important aspects. Now, this section will help us to understand the
different aspects concerning counselors as helpers challenging themselves
during the helping process. Thus, self -challenge on part of clients and
counselors should not be confused or mixed.
Counselors as helpers also need to continually challenge themselves to
become more informed an d effective in their profession. Their self -
challenge is related to every aspect of the helping process. They must be
careful while challenging, because their invitation to self -challenge still
could be ineffective and even they may hurt clients. Therefore , the
challenges by the counselors should be i) caring and genuine, ii) based on
their understanding of the clients, and iii) designed to increase clients’
self-responsibility and to help clients move into outcome -focused action.
Every invitation to self -challenge should be a sign of empathy. Thus, an
invitation to self -challenge requires the use of all communication and
relationship -building skills. Here are some helpers’ self -challenge
principles which further imply some basic guidelines for inviting clie nts
for self -challenge.
a) Keep the goals of invitations to client self -challenge in mind:
The goal of inviting clients to self -challenge is to help them develop the
kinds of alternative perspectives, internal behaviour, and external actions
that are requ ired to achieve the general outcomes of the helping process.
Counselors need to help clients personalize these broad outcomes:
b) Don’t force clients to make decisions, but do provide a “Choice
Structure”:
Choice structure helps clients see things from a d ifferent perspective and
give them the freedom to make decisions that they otherwise would not
have made (Corsini, 2011; Hagedorn, 2011). Thus, counselors should
provide a choice structure to the clients that does not force them to make
any particular deci sion, but enables clients to challenge themselves with
respect to their dysfunctional controlling aspects concerning the problem
situation. Also, counselors should be inventive with the probes and choice
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98 c) Earn the right to invite clients to challenge themselves:
Counselors can do the following things to earn the right to invite clients to
Challenge themselves:
• Develop a solid relationship: Counselors need to challenge
themselves to dea l with their helping relationship with clients more
creatively if they are experiencing poor rapport or stagnated
relationships with clients. The effective challenge follows from an
accurate understanding and invitations for effective challenge
emerges fro m empathy. Empathy enables counselors to see the world
through clients’ eyes and to see how their thinking, behaving, and
emotional expressions are getting them into trouble. Thus, counselors
should challenge clients only after spending considerable time a nd
effort in building a relationship with their clients.
• Be open to invitations to challenge yourself: Counselors should not
hesitate to invite others if they are dealing poorly with the expressed
or implied invitations others make to them both in counsel ling
sessions and everyday life. Counselors should not be defensive in the
helping relationship, in the relationship with their supervisors or
seniors, and in their everyday life. Thus, they should exhibit a model
of non -defensive attitudes and behaviour t hat they would like to see in
their clients.
• Work on your own life: Counselors must determine what gives them
the right to invite clients to challenge themselves. An approach of
some counselors to helping avoids challenges of any kind, avoid
conflict, and they have unexciting interactions with their clients. Such
counselors should ask themselves such questions, as ‘why should
others accept invitations to self -challenge from them?’, ‘what remains
unchallenged in their own life?’ In this context, Berenson and
Mitchell claimed that only people who are striving to live fully
according to their value system have the right to invite others to
challenge themselves and only such people have potential sources of
human nourishment for others.
d) Help clients be specif ic in their self -challenges:
Inviting clients to challenge themselves on specific issues makes the
helping process effective. Vague challenges are not helpful as they lack
clarity and specificity. Counselors should keep in mind that helping often
needs to be intrusive to make a difference. Hence, they should not hesitate
to be clear and specific in their approach even though they feel being
intrusive. Clients do not know what to do about vague challenges.
Therefore, vague statements from counselors will no t make any difference
to clients, and they would satisfy only counselors’ needs, such as
ventilation and frustration. On the other hand, specific statements would
be more effective and helpful to clients and the counselling session to
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99 Other Skills – II e) Be tenta tive, but not apologetic in the way you invite clients to self -
challenge:
Tentative invitations to clients to challenge themselves are well received
and generally viewed more positively than strong and direct challenges.
Clients are more likely to respond to tentative invitations. On the other
hand, clients are likely to react if the invitations sound like accusations.
Therefore, counselors should deliver invitations as hunches that are open
to review and discussion. They should keep in mind that inviting clients to
self-challenge is not an opportunity to put clients in their place. Apart
from this, invitations to self -challenge should not sound apologetic as they
can be easily dismissed by clients, if they are filled with too many
qualifications in terms o f verbal content or counselors’ tone of voice.
f) Invite clients to challenge unused strengths rather than weaknesses:
Overfocus on failures often makes it difficult for people to change their
behaviour. The tendency of being preoccupied with their own lim itations
leads people to see their achievements as unimportant. As a result, they
withhold rewards from themselves even when they engage in life -
enhancing behaviour. Sometimes even adverse life experiences can be a
source of strength. People are often more resilient than they are considered
to be. Therefore, counselors should challenge the strengths of clients
which should help them explore and use the assets and resources they
have.
g) Help clients build on their successes:
In the helping process, effecti ve helpers should help clients place
reasonable demands, rather than too many demands on themselves. They
should also help clients appreciate and celebrate their success.
h) Make sure that invitations to self -challenge respect clients’ values:
Counselors s hould help clients clarify their values and make reasonable
choices based on them. They should be careful about using challenges to
force clients to accept the values that counselors believe, even indirectly.
Inviting clients to clarify their values is leg itimate. However, forcing them
to accept the values that counselors believe is likely to violate the
empowerment value. Therefore, counselors can help clients explore the
consequences of the values they hold, rather than questioning them about
their values . In such cases, clients themselves can be well invited to
question their values that seem to be life -limiting rather than life -
enhancing. Counselors can use their own judgement along with empathy
while inviting clients for self -challenge. They should be f lexible enough
while offering valuable help to their clients in their search for solutions.
All ways that counselors as helpers can use to invite self -challenge for
themselves can be summarized as mentioned below. They can evaluate
themselves by answering how well they do on each of the following
parameters while helping their clients:
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100  Inviting clients to challenge themselves
 Earning the right to invite clients to self -challenge
 Being tactful and tentative in invitations without being weak or
apologetic
 Helping clients develop specific self -challenges that are effective and
make a difference
 Helping clients challenge their strengths rather than their weaknesses
 Making sure that self -challenge does not become self -demeaning or
self-destructive.
 Inviting clie nts to clarify and act on their own values
Counselors as helpers face different challenges throughout the helping
process while helping their clients achieve their goals. One of the
challenges for counselors is dealing with reluctant and resistant clients,
which often makes the counselling session difficult to move on. Section
6.3 of this chapter deals with this challenge separately.
6.2 HELPERS’ SELF -DISCLOSURE Self-disclosure in the helping process refers to the counselors’ or
therapists’ act of sharing t heir feelings, thoughts, and experiences with the
clients that are relevant to the situation presented by the clients. It is
defined as any information that counselors convey about themselves to
clients (Cormier et al., 1997). In self -disclosing, counselor s draw on
situations from their own life experiences and selectively share those
personal reactions with the clients. Appropriate and facilitative self -
disclosure is an important part of a therapeutic relationship in the helping
process. Like many other co mmunication skills, helpers or counselors can
use self -disclosure also in both – individual as well as group counselling.
In self -disclosure, counselors do not necessarily have to disclose details of
their past or their personal life to make themselves kno wn as a person or to
empathize with their clients. A few words and/or nonverbal cues such as a
touch, a look, a gesture, etc. can express their feelings of identification and
understanding and convey them to the clients. At times, counselors’ self -
disclosu re also involves communicating their observations and personal
reactions to clients or to what is happening in the session at any given
particular time. This can have a therapeutic impact and provide a powerful
model of giving interpersonal feedback when d one in a sensitive and
caring manner, especially in group counselling sessions.
While self -disclosing, counselors should consider some important points,
such as i) what are the reasons behind their disclosure, ii) whether the
clients or group participants are ready to accept it, iii) what could be the
possible impact of counselors’ sharing of intimate details, iv) how relevant
is the degree of their disclosure to the here -and-now process. Counselors
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101 Other Skills – II from their past tend to facilitate the progress of counselling sessions
(Yalom, 2005). This selective disclosure provides the clients with
acceptance, support, and encouragement. Apart from this, counselors
should always remember that if th ey decide to share personal concerns, it
should be for the benefit of their clients and that their self -disclosure
should not be overwhelming to divert them from their role and functions
as counselors or helpers.
Counselors should be aware of the timeline ss and value of their self -
disclosure, which are truly critical factors in the helping process. Thus,
appropriate self -disclosure does not take the focus away from the clients.
Also, when it is used appropriately, it succeeds in making gains for both
couns elors and clients and helping the therapeutic relationship move to
deeper levels of understanding and sharing. Self -disclosure can influence
the helping relationship both positively and negatively and counselors
must take care in measuring the impact their disclosure may have. A
positive impact of self -disclosure may be noticeable in the possibility of
modelling self -disclosure for clients or helping them gain a different
perspective on presenting problems. On the other hand, a negative impact
may be eviden t in the focus shifting to the counselors’ issues from that of
the clients.
Counselors should use self -disclosure at the later stage of the helping
process as it would be very useful and appropriate at that stage rather than
at an earlier stage. According to Hill and Knox (2002), therapists must
understand how their disclosures are affecting their clients and must use
self-disclosures appropriately. Hill and Knox present a few guidelines
(Table 6.4) for using self -disclosure:
Table 6.4: Guidelines for usin g self -disclosure by Hill and Knox (2002)
to be Practised by Therapists/Counselors
 Monitor the frequency and purpose of their disclosures.
 Consider disclosing for
o normalizing experiences,
o modelling and strengthening the therapeutic alliance,
o validating the reality, or
o offering alternative ways to think or act.
 Avoid self -disclosure that
o is used to meet their own needs,
o takes the focus off the clients’ experiences,
o interferes with the flow of the session,
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102 o blurs the boundaries i n the relationship, or
o contaminates the transference.
 Observe how clients react to the disclosures.
 Ask clients how they react to sharing personal material.
 Decide how to intervene next.
 Determine what clients need from the therapists, because different
clients react differently to the therapists’ disclosure.
Here is another set of a few guidelines for helpers’ self -disclosure and
appropriate sharing of personal experiences, emphasizing caution
regarding the execution of self -disclosure on counselors’ part :
1) Talk about yourself: Counselors as helpers should not disclose the
experience of third parties whom they know.
2) Talk about past experiences: Counselors may not have sufficient
emotional distance from current experiences, for example,
experiences of divorce.
3) Be to the point: Personal disclosures from counselors should follow
similar client disclosures. They should avoid slowing down or
defocusing the counselling or helping session through lack of
relevance or talking too much.
4) Be sensitive to cl ients’ reactions: Counselors should have sufficient
awareness to realize when disclosures might be helpful to the client
and when they might be unwelcome or a burden.
5) Share personal experiences sparingly: Counselors should be careful
not to switch the f ocus of counselling and helping from clients to
themselves.
6) Make sure that your disclosures are appropriate: Counselors
should share about themselves only if it helps clients achieve
treatment goals. Their disclosing should not be more than necessary
and exhibitionistic. Such self -disclosures by counselors are surely
inappropriate.
7) Make sure that disclosures are culturally appropriate: This
caution underlines the fact that counselors’ behaviours do not apply to
or fit in all cultures easily. Hence, t heir behaviours cannot be
transferred automatically from one culture to another.
8) Be careful of your timing: Timing is critical. Premature or poorly
timed helpers’ self -disclosure can distract clients or turn them to be
reluctant. Hence, counselors shoul d learn through experience to deal
with “natural openings” – a safe and appropriate point for disclosing
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103 Other Skills – II 9) Keep your disclosure selective and focused: Counselors should not
distract clients with rand om stories about themselves. Clients may feel
discouraged or depressed because of unfocused self -disclosures by
counselors.
10) Don’t disclose too frequently: Too frequent self -disclosure by
counselors is inappropriate. Counselors who disclose themselves t oo
frequently, appear as self -centred or even immature. In such cases,
clients may even suspect that counselors are having some hidden
motives.
11) Do not burden the client: Counselors must be aware of the fact that
clients are already in the overburdened stage due to their problem
situations. Therefore, they should not burden the clients with
unnecessary and frequent self -disclosures.
12) Remain flexible: Counselors should be flexible in disclosing
themselves and their self -disclosure should be according to the
different problem situations of different clients. Clients may be even
asked directly whether they want counselors to disclose themselves.
But, not necessarily every client in every situation may want
counselors’ self -disclosure or may benefit from it.
Let’s see a few examples of self -disclosure from counselors/ helpers.
Example 6.1 :
Here are a few responses showing counselors’ involvement:
 While responding to specific disclosures, counselors may use
expressions, such as, “I’m delighted”, “That’s gr eat”, “That’s
terrible”, “I’m really sorry to hear that..”.
 Counselors may use phrases to respond to clients as people, such as,
“I admire your courage”, “I appreciate your honesty”.
 While responding to clients’ vulnerability, counselors may use
phrases, s uch as, “I’m available if you get really low”, “I’m very
concerned about what you are going through”.
Example 6.2 :
Here is one more example demonstrating how a counselor is sharing or
can share personal experiences with the clients:
Counselor: Leena, at o ne stage in my life, I was unemployed too and
found it a very scary and difficult time. Though our
experiences differ clearly, I think I do have some idea of
what you are going through.
{Source for Examples 6.1 and 6.2: Nelson -Jones, R. (2009). Introductio n
to counselling skills: Text and activities (3rd Ed.). Bangalore: Sage
Publications.} munotes.in

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104 6.3 RELUCTANCE AND RESISTANCE Counselors as helpers inevitably face the challenge of dealing with clients
who are unwilling or unable to engage readily in the hard work often
needed to bring about problem -managing changes. This behaviour is
called reluctance. They also come across clients who sometimes strongly
“push back” against any kind of helping at all or parts of the helping
process. This behaviour is called resista nce. Though reluctance and
resistance are two distinct terms, they are often used interchangeably. This
particular section deals with resistance and reluctance on clients’ part that
is faced by counselors as a challenge. Let us understand these two
concept s and how counselors can deal with them by challenging
themselves in this regard.
6.3.1 Identifying Reluctance and Resistance:
Reluctance to change is normal. Clients many times come armed against
change to a greater or lesser degree. It is an in -built hum an condition that
reflects uncertainty about change. On the other hand, resistance is a way of
reacting to some kind of compulsion or pressure. Many times clients resist
because they tend to think that they are being forced to do something.
a) Reluctance:
There are many ways and reasons for reluctance on clients’ part. Being
slow to seek help or accept it when offered is an early form of reluctance.
Here are many reasons noted by Vogel et al. (2007) based on some
common beliefs for why troubled people avoid seeking help in the first
place:
 “Society looks down on those who seek help”.
 “The whole experience will be too emotionally painful”.
 “Counselling probably won’t help me very much”.
 “I’ll have to reveal all my dark secrets”.
 “My family and friends will s ee me as odd”.
 “I’ll be embarrassed and feel worse about myself than I do now”.
Reluctance is present in almost all clients as problem management and
opportunity development require a lot of effort from both parties –
counselors and clients. Especially, de veloping unused opportunities
provide challenges, which could be exciting for some clients, while terrific
for others. Let us have a look at the most possible and common reasons for
their reluctant behaviour:
Fear of Intensity:
The helping process can be intense for two reasons: i) when counselors
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105 Other Skills – II empathic responses, probing), and ii) when clients also cooperate by
exploring the feelings, experiences, behaviours, points of view, a nd
intentions related to their problem situations. This intensity can cause
clients, and even counselors to withdraw.
Lack of Trust:
The irrational fear in some clients of being cheated makes it very difficult
for them to trust anyone and even the most t rustworthy counselors. Such
clients are very slow to reveal themselves, even when confidentiality is
assured in the therapeutic relationship between clients and counselors.
Counselors need to use a combination of patience, encouragement, and
invitations to self-challenge to deal with such clients.
Fear of Disorganization:
Self-disclosure is difficult for some clients because exploring some
unknown things about themselves is more burdensome for them. Such
clients may begin well in the helping process. But, they are likely to
escape if they find the problem -exploration process overwhelming. Thus,
they want to avoid possibly a high degree of disequilibrium,
disorganization, and crisis that are likely to result from a process of
digging out their inadequacies.
Shame:
Shame experiences can be defined as an acute emotional awareness of a
failure to be in some way. They refer to the experience of getting exposed
to particularly sensitive and vulnerable aspects of the self. Shame is often
sudden. It makes clients s ee their inadequacies within a moment. These
inadequacies are often unrecognized and clients are not ready for their
exposure. Thus, shame is primarily an exposure of self to oneself. It is
more painful when exposure moves from the self to another person. It is
sometimes even related to insignificant external incidents (e.g. casual
remarks by someone), especially when someone was already ashamed.
Overcoming the shame related to the most personal issue/s is very
difficult. In such cases, relative safety is a lso not sufficient at times to
overcome the shame, even though it is the therapists’ office where there is
near-absolute confidentiality. Cultural diversity makes it more difficult to
deal with reluctance related to shame experiences. Individuals from some
cultures may find it comfortable to share even the most personal details of
their personal lives without experiencing any shame, while individuals
from some more conservative cultures may find it very hard.
The Cost of Change:
Some clients are afraid to t ake responsibility for themselves as they
subconsciously know to some extent that they will have to change if they
do so. In other words, they know that they will need to i) leave the comfort
associated with their unproductive patterns of living, ii) work more
persistently, iii) suffer the pain of loss, iv) acquire skills needed to live
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106 of such a persistent effort turn the clients to be reluctant. Counselors need
to help clients see t hat the outcomes are worth the effort.
A Loss of Hope:
Some clients have the notion that change is impossible which causes a loss
of hope in them. Therefore, they are simply not willing to put their effort
into the helping process and this results in relu ctance. Some clients need to
gather the courage even to see a helper or counselor. In such cases,
reluctance refers to clients’ hesitancy to engage in the work demanded by
the tasks in the helping process. Clients exhibit their reluctance in many
ways, oft en being covert. Some of the behavioural characteristics related
to reluctance are as follows:
 Clients talk about only safe or low -priority issues.
 They seem unsure of what they want.
 They gently block the helping process by being overly cooperative.
 They set unrealistic goals and then use them as an excuse for not
moving forward.
 They don’t work very hard at changing their behaviour.
 They are slow to take responsibility for themselves.
 They tend to blame others or the social settings and systems of their
lives for their troubles and play games with helpers.
 They don’t come for counselling in the first place.
Counselors, thus, can identify the signs of clients’ reluctance from these
behavioural characteristics, and the possible reason/s behind their
reluctan ce to involve in the helping process with the required effort. This
will enable counselors to deal with reluctant clients effectively.
b) Resistance:
Clients may want to engage in therapy or some therapeutic exercise. But,
sometimes counselors may appear demanding to the clients. This might
make the clients feel that their counselors are forcing rather than inviting
them to participate. Thus, resistance can be considered the clients’ way to
fight back. Here are some aspects of resistance, which will help c ounselors
identify the kinds of resistance:
Reacting to perceived mistreatment:
Sometimes clients may think that their counselors are mistreating them.
This leads clients to resist in some way. In some cases, clients have a
belief that their cultural beli efs, values, and norms (personal or groups) are
being violated by the helpers or counselors. This also can make clients
resist. Thus, some clients tend to see compulsion in the helping process
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107 Other Skills – II perception, and this results in some form of hidden or open fighting back.
Some signs that resistant clients who feel abused show are as follows:
 They let everyone know that they do not need any help,
 They show little willingness to establish a work ing relationship,
 They often enough try to blame and find the counselors guilty,
 They are often resentful,
 They make active attempts to block the helping process or terminate it
prematurely,
 They can either be testy or actually abusive and hostile,
Thus, r esistance to helping is a matter of degree and not all resistant
clients engage in extreme forms of resistant behaviours.
Involuntary clients:
Involuntary clients (Brodsky, 2011) are often resisters who are sometimes
called “mandated” clients. Such clients are found in different setups like
schools (especially schools below college level), correctional settings,
marriage counselling (especially court -mandated), employee agencies,
welfare agencies, court -related settings, and other social agencies. But,
any client can become a resister who feels as being forced or treated
unfairly. Clients can experience coercion in a wide variety of ways. Here
are a few kinds of clients who often resist:
 Clients who see no reason for going to the helper in the first place,
 Those who dislike third -party referrers (e.g. parents, teachers,
correctional facilities, social service agencies) and whose resentment
carries over to the helper,
 Those who don’t know what the helping process is about and fear the
unknown,
 Those who have a history of rebelliousness,
 Those who see the goals of the counselors or the helping system as
different from their own,
 Those who have developed negative attitudes about helping and
helping agencies and who foster suspicions about helping and helpers,
 Those who believe that going to counselors is the same as admitting
weakness, failure, and inadequacy which makes them feel like losing
prestige,
 Those who feel counselling is something that is being done to them,
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108  Those who feel a need for personal power and find it through resisting
a powerful figure or agency, and consider resistance their power,
 Those who dislike their counselors but do not discuss their dislike
with them,
 Those who differ from their counselors about the degree of change
needed,
 Those who differ greatly from their helpers, for example, based on
socio -economic background and other such aspects.
Thus, being resistant is also a way to protect one’s self -esteem. As noted
in the last kind of resistant clients, many socio -cultural variables, such as
gender, prejudice, race, religion, social class, upbringing of the clients,
cultural and subcultural strategic plans, and the like can lead to resistance.
For example, a man might instincti vely resist being helped by a woman
and vice versa. Another example could be that an African American
person might instinctively resist being helped by a white person and vice
versa.
Healthy Resistance:
Resistance cannot be negative always. Being a healthy sign, resistance can
also mean that clients are standing up for their rights and fighting back.
According to Koenig (2011), resistance also creates an opportunity for
collaborative decision -making. Thus, clients can negotiate or fight for
their needs thro ugh resistance.
Counselors, thus, need to identify the kind of resistance their clients are
showing in the helping process and deal with them accordingly.
6.3.2 Dealing with Reluctance and Resistance:
Counselors, in their practice, may often find a mixtur e of reluctance and
resistance in the same client. Therefore, in order to make therapy more
efficient, counselors need to find ways of helping their clients deal with
reluctance and resistance without any delay. Here are some principles that
will help coun selors deal with clients’ reluctance and resistance:
a) Avoid unhelpful responses to reluctance and resistance:
Sometimes counselors, especially those who are beginners, may be
unaware of the occurrence of reluctance and resistance. Such counselors
are oft en unsettled when they face uncooperative clients. They experience
a variety of emotions, such as confusion, panic, irritation, hostility, guilt,
hurt, rejection, and depression. As a result, they react in unhelpful ways,
when distracted by such feelings. Here, a few of such unhelpful ways are
listed below in which counselors are likely to react:
 Accepting own guilt and trying to calm down the clients
 Becoming impatient and hostile, and expressing these feelings
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109 Other Skills – II  Doing nothing in th e hope that the reluctance or the resistance will
disappear
 Lowering their expectations of themselves and proceeding with the
helping process in a halfhearted way
 Trying to become warmer and more and more accepting, hoping to
win the clients over by love
 Blaming the clients and ending up in a power struggle with them
 Allowing themselves to be abused by clients, playing the role of a
victim
 Lowering their expectations of what can be achieved by counselling
 Handing the direction of the helping process over to the clients
 Giving up
Thus, counselors experience stress when they engage with “difficult”
clients, and some counselors even indulge in self -defeating attitudes and
assumptions about the helping process. Here are some of these attitudes
and assumptions of such counselors:
 All clients should be self -referred and adequately committed to
change before approaching me for help.
 Every client must like me and trust me.
 I am a consultant and not a social influencer; it should not be
necessary to place demands on c lients or even help them place
demands on themselves.
 Every unwilling client can be helped.
 No unwilling client can be helped.
 I alone am responsible for what happens to the clients.
 I have to succeed completely with every client.
Such unrealistic beliefs on counselors’ part also can influence the helping
process. Effective helpers are aware of reluctance and resistance on
clients’ part. Therefore, they are never surprised by them and do not
encourage such clients’ behaviours. In order to help their relucta nt and
resistant clients, counselors essentially need to be free of such unhelpful
responses.
b) Develop productive approaches to dealing with reluctance and
resistance:
Reluctance and resistance can take any form. Here are some principles and
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110 Explore your own reluctance and resistance:
Counselors should examine reluctance and resistance in their own life, in
terms of their reactions when forced by someone, their feel ings when
treated unfairly, running away from personal growth and development,
etc. Counselors who are finding ways of overcoming their own reluctance
and resistance in various forms are more likely to help their clients deal
with their reluctance and resi stance.
See some reluctance and resistance as normal:
Counselors should help their clients see that their reluctance and resistance
are not “bad” or odd. They also should help clients see the positive side of
their resistance, which could be a sign of self -affirmation.
Accept and work with the clients’ reluctance and resistance:
Teyber (2005) talked about the central principle in the helping process,
that is, “hounouring” the clients’ resistance. In this regard, starting the
helping process with the client s’ frame of reference, counselors i) should
accept both the clients’ and their own reluctance or resistance, ii) should
not ignore or intimidate by what they find, iii) should let clients know how
they experience it and then explore it with them, iv) shoul d model
openness to challenge, v) should be willing to explore their own negative
feelings, vi) should help clients work through the emotions associated with
reluctance and resistance, vii) should avoid moralizing, viii) should
befriend the reluctance or t he resistance, viii) should not react to their
reluctance and resistance with hostility or defensiveness. Thus, the skill of
direct, mutual talk is extremely important to deal with clients’ reluctance
and resistance.
See reluctance as avoidance:
Counselors should see clients’ reluctance as a form of avoidance rather
than relating it necessarily with clients’ ill will. They should understand
the principles and mechanisms underlying avoidance behaviour. Clients’
perception of counselling as lacking in suitabl e rewards or even as being
punishing leads them to avoid counselling or continuing it only
halfheartedly. In such cases, counselors should help them search for
suitable incentives. They should find ways to present the helping process
as rewarding by introd ucing constructive changes and talking about
outcomes.
Examine the quality of interventions:
In the helping process, counselors should i) examine their helping
behaviour whether it appears unfair to the client, ii) evaluate whether they
are becoming too directive in the helping process due to which clients may
feel pressurized, iii) examine whether they are venting out their emotions,
such as anger and frustration as a reaction to clients’ reluctance, and iv)
own such feelings and find ways to deal with t hem. Counselors should not
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111 Other Skills – II effectiveness. Counselors should note that they might not be the cause of
clients’ resistance necessarily. but could be a result of pressure from others
for dealing with the problems.
Be realistic and flexible:
Counselors should remember that there are limits to what they can do as
helpers and that their expectations for growth, development, and change
should not exceed those of clients. Counselors should know thei r personal
and professional limits. This will prevent the therapeutic relationship from
turning into a harmful one. Rigid expectations of both clients and
counselors become self -defeating.
Establish a “just society” with clients:
Counselors should deal wit h the clients’ feelings of coercion by
establishing as much mutuality as to be consistent with helping goals and
inviting their participation in every step of the helping process and
decision -making. Counselors can share their expectations, discuss and get
reactions to helping procedures. They should explore the helping contract
with their clients and get them to contribute to it.
Help the clients search for reasons for moving beyond resistance:
Counselors can use clients’ self -interest as a way of identif ying the
reasons to help them participate in the helping process. They can also
brainstorm as a way of discovering possible incentives. One of such
important reasons could be the realization of clients that they are going to
remain in charge of their own l ives.
Do not see yourself as the only helper in your clients’ lives:
Counselors can also engage significant others for clients (i.e. peers,
friends, and family members) in helping clients face reluctance and
resistance, rather than considering themselves a s the only helper in clients’
lives.
Employ reluctant and resistant clients as helpers:
Counselors can also possibly find ways to get reluctant or resistant clients
into situations to help others. The change of perspective through such
situations can help the clients settle themselves with their own
unwillingness to work. Counselors also can play clients’ roles through
role-play technique and manifest the same kind of reluctance and
resistance the way clients do. Thus, assigning a helper’s role to the clie nts
would help them overcome their unwillingness to work or cooperate.
Hanna et al. (1999; see also Hanna, 2002; Sommers -Flanagan &
Sommers -Flanagan, 2006) divided fifty strategies for helping clients into
three categories i) reaching clients, ii) acceptin g them, and iii) relating to
them.
Thus, reluctance and resistance create challenges for both clients and
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112 of unwillingness are often important tasks in the helping process. There
are chances at times that clients may react strongly when invited to
challenge themselves. At such times, counselors should not be surprised
about it. Instead, they should find ways of helping the clients work
through their emotion -laden reluctance and resi stance if they react
negatively rather than respond. Overall, counselors need to use both –
values and skills – to find ways to help clients who at first sight seem to be
reluctant and resistant.
6.4 SUMMARY Challenging, helpers’ self -disclosure, and deali ng with reluctance and
resistance are other important communication skills used to make the
helping process effective. Challenging needs to be done skillfully from an
external frame of reference to make it effective. It helps clients develop
new and better perspectives about themselves, others, and their problem
situations. It invites clients to examine the discrepancies in their feelings,
thoughts, and communication of which they are unaware for various
reasons. Skilful challenges tend to be fairly close t o clients’ existing
perspectives, and they are presented in a relatively non -threatening
manner. Counselors should be careful about their vocal and body
communication while presenting challenges to clients; and should use
well-timed, tactfully worded and m ildly threatening challenges. Inviting
clients for challenging themselves in a variety of ways is a stronger form
of nudging. Counselors require using communications skills to help clients
engage in self -challenge. Effective helping involves a mixture of s upport
and challenge to achieve a set of life -enhancing and problem -managing
outcomes for clients. There are two types of self -challenges. Out of them,
one involves self -criticism, and another involves self -enhancement.
A blind spot is a condition in whic h clients are not necessarily aware of
how they are limiting themselves. People often fail to see or choose to
ignore blind spots that restrict them from identifying and managing
problem situations or identifying and developing opportunities for
themselves . Some common blind spots are failure to think things through,
failure to pick up cues and clues and notice what is going on, lack of self -
awareness, failure to explore one’s biases, etc. There are indirect and
direct approaches to challenge blind spots/ clients’ self -challenge. Indirect
approaches include advanced empathy, information sharing, and helpers’
self-disclosure. Direct approaches include making suggestions and giving
recommendations, confrontation, and encouragement.
Helpers’ self -challenge sh ould be caring and genuine, based on their
understanding of the clients, and designed to increase the clients’ self -
responsibility and to help the clients move into outcome -focused action.
Self-disclosure in the helping process refers to the counselors’ or
therapists’ act of sharing their feelings, thoughts, and experiences with the
clients, that are relevant to the situation presented by the clients.
Appropriate and facilitative self -disclosure is an essential part of a
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113 Other Skills – II Reluctance refers to the clients’ unwillingness or inability to engage
readily in the hard work often needed to bring about problem -managing
changes. Resistance refers to the clients’ tendency to “push back” strongly
against any kind of helpi ng at all or parts of the helping process. The most
possible and common reasons for clients’ reluctant behaviour are i) fear of
intensity, ii) lack of trust, iii) fear of disorganization, iv) shame, v) the cost
of change, and vi) a loss of hope. Resistance by clients is of three types: i)
reacting to perceived mistreatment, ii) involuntary clients, and iii) healthy
resistance.
6.5 QUESTIONS 1. Write a detailed note on challenging as one of the communication
skills in the helping process.
2. Explain the co ncept of self -challenge (for clients) and describe any
two targets of self -challenge.
3. Describe the various targets of self -challenge.
4. What are the different blind spots?
5. Describe advanced empathy as an indirect approach to challenge blind
spots .
6. Describe any two direct approaches to challenge blind spots.
7. Write a detailed note on helpers’ self -challenge.
8. Write a detailed note on helpers’ self -disclosure.
9. Write short notes on a) reluctance, b) resistance.
10. Explain the principle s that help to deal with clients’ reluctance and
resistance.
6.6 REFERENCES  Capuzzi, D., & Stauffer, M. D. (2016). Counselling and
psychotherapy: Theories and interventions. (6th Ed.) (Eds.).
Alexandria: American Counseling Association.
 Corey, G. (2014). T heory and practice of group counselling (9th Ed.).
Australia: CENGAGE Learning.
 Egan, G. (2014). The skilled helper: A problem -management and
opportunity -development approach to helping (Tenth Edition).
Belmont: Brooks/Cole CENGAGE Learning.
 Nelson -Jones, R. (2009). Introduction to counselling skills: Text and
activities (3rd Ed.). Bangalore: Sage Publications.
 Nelson -Jones, R. (2016). Basic counselling skills: A helper’s manual
(4th Ed.). Los Angeles: Sage Publications.
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114 7
THE STAGES AND TASKS OF PROBLEM
MANAGEMENT - I
Unit Structure
7.0 Objectives
7.1 Overview
7.2 Tasks of Stage I
7.2.1 Challenges Clients Face in Talking about Themselves
7.2.2 Case Illustration
7.2.3 Principles That Can Guide to Help Clients Tell Th eir Stories –
Feel Safe
7.2.4 Styles of Storytelling
7.2.5 Starting where the client starts
7.2.6 Assessing Severity of Problems
7.2.7 Helping Clients Identify and Clarify Key Issues
7.2.8 Exploring Context of Key Issues
7.2.9 Help Clients tell Thei r Real Stories
7.2.10 Case Illustration
7.2.11 Help Clients Challenge the Quality of their Participation
7.2.12 Help Clients Focus on The Right Story
7.2.13 Choosing Issues That Will Make a Difference in Their Lives
7.2.14 Challenging to Make a Right Decis ion
7.3 Summary
7.4 Questions
7.5 References
7.0 OBJECTIVES After reading this unit, you will be able to understand:
 How to help clients tell their stories?
 How to help clients challenge themselves to participate as fully as
possible in the helping proc ess?
 How to help clients focus on the right story?
 How to help clients move into action right from the beginning?

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115 The Stages and Tasks of Problem Management - I 7.1 OVERVIEW Counselling Stages I, II, and III:
All worthwhile helping frameworks, models, or processes ultimately help
clients and answer for themselves four fundamental questions. They are:
i) what is going on?
ii) what does a better future look like?
iii) How do I get there? and
iv) How do I make it all happen?
Thus, the first question focuses on helping clients spell out their curr ent
picture, the second question helps them paint their preferred picture, the
third question helps them take the way forward to achieve the preferred
picture, and the fourth and last question helps them turn planning and goal
setting into the kind of acti on that leads to the solutions, results, outcomes,
or accomplishments in a more constructive manner.
These four questions have turned into three logical Stages I, II, and III.
Stage I helps clients explore their concerns. Stage II helps clients
determine problem -managing outcomes and set goals. Lastly, Stage III
helps clients draw up plans to accomplish goals. In this and the next unit,
we are going to learn these three stages of the counselling process. The
present unit will deal with the tasks of Stage I , while the next unit will deal
with the tasks of Stage II and Stage III. Let us start with understanding the
tasks of Stage I.
7.2 TASKS OF STAGE I Clients go to helpers or counselors when they are in distress and have
difficulty managing their lives eff ectively. They are either not aware of the
root cause of their problem or even what the problem is. Very often, the
problems occur because clients are not able to understand even
themselves. In such a situation, the counselors need to help them
understand themselves, their problems, and the opportunities or strengths
that the clients have not used to manage their lives effectively. Counselors
can do so by encouraging clients to i) tell their stories, ii) reframe their
stories, develop a new and more useful point of view, and begin thinking
about new, more constructive ways of acting, and iii) stay focused on the
key issues and concerns that will make a difference in their lives, in Stage
I. Though these three tasks appear to be separate, they are intermingle d in
actual helping sessions. They do not have a hierarchical order. That is,
counselors need not move necessarily from step one to step two to step
three. Another important thing is that these three tasks are not limited to
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116 1. Clients find it difficult to tell all their stories right in the beginning
session of the helping process. Their full story has many threads that
are very often linked in the various sessions.
2. Blind spots can appear at any stage. Therefore, new perspectives are
needed at every stage of the helping process, not only at the
beginning.
3. Counselors need to help clients tell their stories, choose problem
managing goals, develop plans to overcome problems and then
implement those plan s.
Considering these facts, actions related to problem management should be
initiated early. Therefore, clients should be encouraged at the initial stage
only to act upon what they are learning in the counselling sessions. If the
actions lead to any posit ive changes, it indicates that the therapy being
used is effective. Let us consider the following example:
Example 7.1 :
A person is diagnosed with the third stage of cancer. No wonder, the
person is likely to experience the feeling of despair. His immediat e
reaction may be to withdraw from interpersonal and social interaction by
isolating himself from others. But, this is the time when he needs to find
his inner strength to deal with his situation and be open to finding out how
to deal with this situation. For this purpose, he needs to engage with other
people, to talk to people who care for him and want to help him. In such a
case, counselor needs to help the person to be willing to take help and
become active in the helping process. There need not be very elaborate
plans on how to act. But, even a simple act is sufficient like meeting a
cancer survivor who has experienced and successfully overcome a similar
kind of trauma. Here, the person may tell his story to a stranger (i.e., a
cancer survivor) and reque st the stranger to visit again. Such behavioural
signs will indicate that the patient is learning and realizing that he needs to
do lots of things gradually at his pace and that he is not alone. In this
scenario, the helper may be either professional or ev en informal.
Therefore, Stage -I of the counselling process is also known as the client -
centred assessment stage, where the counselors and clients collaborate to
let the clients identify what is going wrong or missing in their life, what is
it that clients have been ignoring, and what opportunities they have not yet
utilized. This assessment is done by the clients themselves with the help of
counselors to get this clarity.
Three tasks in Stage I (depicted in Figure 7.1) are related to the
following three que stions in order to help clients gain answers to
them:
1. “What’s going on in my life? What are my main concerns?”
2. “As I look more closely, what’s truly going on in my life? What new
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117 The Stages and Tasks of Problem Management - I 3. “What should I be working on? Which issues, if handled well, will
make a real difference in my life?”
Thus, in Stage -I, the tasks are activities that help clients to let the helper
know about their concerns as clearly as possible with neither too much nor
too little deta il.
7.2.1 Challenges Clients Face in Talking of Themselves:
Researchers, such as Denise Sloan (2010) and Pennebaker (1995), have
highlighted the importance of self -disclosure. After reviewing many
studies, Denise Sloan (2010) noted that self -disclosure is related to the
psychological well -being of the person. It helps in improving social bonds
and leads to various health benefits. Pennebaker (1995) explained that
self-disclosure is as important as the feedback from the counselors.
Common sense belief is t hat clients will be reluctant to open up and will
not indulge in self -disclosure.
Farber et al. (2004, p. 340) had a different opinion on self -disclosure. They
expressed the following opinions based on their findings regarding clients’
self-disclosure:
 Most clients feel that therapy is a safe place to disclose, which is
made especially so by the goodness of the therapeutic relationship.
 Though the disclosure process initially generates shame and
anticipatory anxiety, it ultimately produces feelings of sa fety, pride,
and authenticity.
 Keeping secrets inhibits the work of therapy, whereas disclosing
produces a sense of relief from physical as well as emotional tension.
 Disclosures in therapy facilitate subsequent disclosures to one’s
therapist as well as t o family members and friends; and
 Therapists should actively pursue material that is difficult to disclose.
However, not all clients are comfortable with self -disclosure. Some clients
refuse to go to the therapy sessions because they are scared of self -
disclosure. Vogel and Wester (2003) noted fear of self -disclosure as a
leading factor in not seeking therapy. The counselors need to identify
whether the clients are willing to engage in self -disclosure or they are
scared of it. If the clients are scared or reluctant to engage in self -
disclosure, it can be associated mainly with two kinds of inabilities of
clients:
 inability to share their personal stories with others; and
 inability to reasonably assert themselves in social settings of everyday
life
In such a situation, counselors should help clients feel comfortable and
assure them of privacy and confidentiality. This will help clients feel
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118 appropriately. Farber et.al. (2004) stated that man y clients may need
helpers’ encouragement to speak about difficult issues. They talk freely
once they become comfortable with the counselors as well as with
themselves. However, clients do not narrate their stories in a single shot.
Rather, they present th eir stories in bits and pieces over the entire course
of the helping relationship. Revisiting or not revisiting a particular event
from the clients’ life depends entirely on their wish.
7.2.2 Case Illustration :
Let us understand how clients can be helped talk of themselves through a
case illustration of Yasmin (Client) and Ravi (Counselor).
Case 7.1 :
Ravi knows that if Yasmin gets help to get a reasonably clear picture of
herself, her problem, and her unused opportunities, she can do better
something about them. Ravi helps Yasmin tell her story and review her
concerns by using his communication skills. Let us have a look at the case.
Ravi (beginning the session): “Well, Yasmin, what’s going on? How can
I help?
Yasmin (admitting that she is still working it through): I’m not here to
revise the accident and its immediate consequences.
However, Yasmin realizes, as she talks, that this is not going to be as easy
as she thought. Talking about the accident would be relatively easy, but
talking about the fact that she has come to realize that she is broadly
dissatisfied with the direction of her life seems much more frightening.
This is unchartered territory. Furthermore, Yasmin is not used to sharing
her concerns with anyone, not even with her parents. She also won ders
whether she should have chosen a woman as her counselor. Up to this
point, wh has been able to keep all her problems under control, but begins
to wonder whether talking about them to a stranger will “cause to burst”.
In the midst of Yasmin’s thoughts –
Ravi (suggesting Yasmin): A bit of background about you and your
family might help.
This sounds good to Yasmin. It is relatively safe. So through the give and
take of the conversation, the details of the background outlined earlier
emerge.
Then in the r est of this session and the next one a week later she moves on
to her more immediate concerns. She is worried about her father who has
never gotten over the death of his son, the loss of his career, or his self -
imposed cast out from his country. Yasmin’s f ather lives in America, but
now has become more and more dependent on her due to economic
circumstances he is facing in his car business. He also has health
problems, but he does not take care of himself and does not go for
checkups. He probably also might have had a mini -stroke as per the
doctor’s opinion. munotes.in

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119 The Stages and Tasks of Problem Management - I Besides worrying about her father, Yasmin has her own set of issues. She
is experiencing some sort of cultural dilemma. Although she is fully
American in many ways, she feels that she has allowed herself to follow
her “old country” cultural norms. Her trip to Iran made her realize that the
young people with whom she had a conversation, seemed to be much
more “culturally free” than she was. They seemed to her suffering from
some political and financial con straints, but knew what they wanted. She
certainly does not feel like an outsider in the United States, but she knows
that she is not leading the “American life”. She also expresses some
hostility toward her two cousins who, from her point of view, have bo ught
American materialism.
The young people she met in Iran seemed to have a rich social life, which
made her feel that she is missing out something. These feelings have
recently become more intense because she met a man she likes through
work and has met him a few times for coffee. She has not told her parents
anything about this, because she knows that they would not approve. She
feels guilty about this. For the past few months, she has been suffering
from insomnia and headaches, but always has been hidi ng it behind a good
face that no one suspects. Yasmin talks about all of these things in a very
matter -of-fact way.
In this case, Yasmin brings some of these issues. She talks more freely as
she becomes more comfortable with Ravi and with herself as a clie nt.
However, there are still some hesitancies. Ravi realizes that clients’ stories
do not come out all at once in a neat manner, rather they emerge over the
entire course of the helping relationship. He also wonders whether at some
point it would be wise t o revisit the accident and the story of her recovery.
{Source of the Case Illustration: Egan, G. (2014). The Skilled Helper: A
Problem -Management and Opportunity -Development Approach to
Helping (10th Ed.). Australia: Brooks/Cole. - a bit modified}
Overall, clients differ radically in their ability to talk about themselves and
their problem situations. Reluctance to disclose oneself within counselling
sessions often results from the clients’ inability to share themselves with
others and inability to be reason ably assertive in the social settings of
everyday life. In such cases, one of the goals of the entire counselling
session is to help clients develop the skills, confidence, and courage they
need to share themselves appropriately.
7.2.3 Principles That Can Guide to Help Clients Tell Their Stories –
Feel Safe :
The term ‘story’ is used in a broader sense in counselling rather than in the
conventional narrow sense. There are no specific rules about how to help
clients tell their stories. It simply depends on th e needs of the clients.
Hanna (2002) listed various precursors applicable to clients before they
engage in self -disclosure and called these precursors ‘regulators of
change’ indicating the readiness -for-change. Some of them are as follows:
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120  A willingness to experience anxiety or difficulty,
 Awareness of the main factors in the problem situation,
 A desire to confront the problem,
 Efforts directed toward change, hope for a better future, and social
support.
Hanna (2002) believed that how fast a person will change and how deep
the change will be, depend on how many such precursors are present. The
more the number of precursors present in a person, the faster and deeper
the change will be in the psych e of the person. Hence, counselors should
look for these regulators in clients’ stories when clients are sharing.
Counselors may even help clients develop such regulators. With this
background, let us see some of the principles or guidelines for helping th e
clients tell their stories. In the next few sections (7.2.4 to 7.2.8) we will
focus on these guidelines separately.
7.2.4 Learn To Work With All Styles of Storytelling :
All clients are different. As we discussed before, some clients readily
engage in sel f-disclosure and share almost everything about themselves
right in the first session itself. On the other hand, some are very reluctant
to open up and find it difficult to share their stories. These differences in
clients are due to either individual diffe rences or cultural differences, or
even both. Some clients come to counselors of their own free will, while
some are sent to the counselors. They have a unique way of narrating and
a different approach to revealing their stories. Accordingly, different
clients have different kinds of stories that differ in length, emotional
content, etc.
Some stories are long and filled with so many details, while some are short
and crisp. Some stories are laden with emotions, while some are expressed
coldly, even if they involve trauma and terror. Some stories start with a
single issue (e.g., “I am having a stomach problem for the last one month
and want to get rid of this problem”), while some start with multiple issues
(e.g., “I am suffering from insomnia and stomach pro blems from last six
months”). Some stories centre only on the clients’ inner world (e.g., “I
hate myself”, “I am lonely”), while some stories are focused on the
external world, such as problems at work, and interpersonal relationships.
Still, some other st ories involve concerns for both the inner and external
world. Some clients present their primary story at the beginning itself,
while others start with a secondary story first, maybe to see the
counselors’ reaction to their stories. Some clients trust the counselors
instantly because they are helpers, while other clients may mistrust
counselors, even though they are helpers.
No matter what kind of clients counselors may have to deal with, their first
job as helpers is to establish a working relationship wi th their clients, and
help them narrate their stories, so that they can help clients manage their
problems and gainfully use the opportunities hidden in their stories. A munotes.in

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121 The Stages and Tasks of Problem Management - I disclosed story is the starting point for a possible constructive change. In
other wor ds, when clients disclose their stories, they take the first step
toward a better life. It is often difficult for helpers to interrupt clients and
highlight the core issues in their stories when clients share their stories
persistently without any break. I n such cases, helpers can review the most
important or primary points at the end of the story in an orderly manner.
For example, a counselor may say “You have said quite a bit. Let us see if
I have understood some of the main points you have made. First of all.…”.
On the other hand, clients, who are unwilling or cannot articulate their
stories to helpers, have to be dealt with in a different manner.
7.2.5 Start Where t he Client Starts :
Clients do not necessarily start sharing their stories in the initial s tage
itself. Different clients start sharing their stories at different stages of the
helping process. Clients do not begin their stories with “....this is what
happened to me, ....this is how I reacted, and now ......this is how I feel”.
Hence, counselors need to develop a good understanding of where the
clients are before helping them to develop an insight into where they need
to be. For this purpose, counselors need to join clients at the point
wherever they start sharing their stories. Let us look at so me examples of
different cases where clients start at different points in the helping process.
a) Stage I: Exploring the Problem Situation:
Example 7.2 :
Arun begins by saying, “The last time I was in therapy, my life was in
mess, it is still. I was addict ed to drugs. I was having constant fights with
my boss, whom I think is stupid. I had broken up with my parents because
they did not approve of my girlfriend and now I have just broken up with
my girlfriend for good. I think we were totally incompatible. I have
managed to overcome my drug problem. I was sure that will solve my
problems. I am back here because I have just lost my job”.
{Source: Egan, G. (2014). The Skilled Helper: A Problem -Management
and Opportunity -Development Approach to Helping (10th Ed. ). Australia:
Brooks/Cole – A bit modified version}
In this case, Arun apparently had tackled a few of his problems
successfully, but the core issue of his inability to get along with people
was still unresolved. Here, the counselor can begin the helping p rocess by
addressing this core issue.
b) Stage II: Setting Goals:
Example 7.3 :
Saurabh, a student said, “I don’t know whether I want to be a teacher or a
lawyer or a businessman. I am interested in both. But, I can’t pursue both
simultaneously and I need to decide about it soon, as the dates for
admission are approaching fast. I hate being stuck with this kind of
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122 {Source: Egan, G. (2014). The Skilled Helper: A Problem -Management
and Opportunity -Development Approach to Helping (10th Ed.). Austral ia:
Brooks/Cole. - A bit modified version}
This is a case of approach -approach conflict. The counselor can help him
by weighing the advantages and disadvantages of each option.
c) Stage III: Choosing a Course of Action:
Example 7.4 :
Aarti is a Human Resou rce (HR) manager in a large company. She says, “I
have found that our vice -chairman is indulging in some unethical
practices, which I think is very wrong. He is due to retire in the next six
months. I am in dilemma whether to keep quiet and just monitor hi s
movements till he retires or should I blow the whistle. If I take action
against him, it will become a major issue and it may damage the reputation
of the company itself. I don’t want him to go free and I don’t want to hurt
the reputation of the company too. I don’t know what to do?’
{Source: Egan, G. (2014). The Skilled Helper: A Problem -Management
and Opportunity -Development Approach to Helping (10th Ed.). Australia:
Brooks/Cole - A bit modified version }
Here, the core issue is Aarti’s dilemma about wh at action to take. The
counselor can help her in searching for a strategy that will best fit the
needs of the organization.
Implementation: The Action Arrow
Example 7.5:
Omkar comes to the counselor with a problem that he is not very tactful
while speakin g to other people. He knows his problem and has planned a
resolution for himself that he will be tactful. But, every time one of his
neighbours does something stupid (in his opinion), which makes him
unable to keep his resolution. He said,
“I know when I speak up, things tend to get worse. I know I should leave
it to others who are more tactful than I am. But, they don’t move quickly
enough – or forcefully enough.”
{Source: Egan, G. (2014). The Skilled Helper: A Problem -Management
and Opportunity -Developme nt Approach to Helping (10th Ed.). Australia:
Brooks/Cole - A bit modified version }
This indicates that Omkar knows his problem and what action to take. But,
his core issue is that he is unable to implement the decided course of
action to which he has com mitted. The counselor can help him find
reasons for sticking to his decided course of action.

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123 The Stages and Tasks of Problem Management - I A Failed Solution
Example 7.6 :
A mother comes to the counselor and says, “I have a son. I knew when he
reaches his teenage, he might want to try out crazy thin gs, and I might
have to control him very tightly. I did that, but it is not working. He is out
of control, and the more I tried to control him, the worse he got”.
{Source: Egan, G. (2014). The Skilled Helper: A Problem -Management
and Opportunity -Developmen t Approach to Helping (10th Ed.). Australia:
Brooks/Cole.}
An initial problem of the mother in this example is a ‘failed solution’ that
has led to more problems. The counselor can help her come up with more
solutions that fit her and her son’s needs.
7.2.6 Assess t he Severity Of The Client’s Problems :
Severity, in the context of the counselling process, refers to the degree of
the clients’ problem. Theoretically, the severity of the problem can range
from negligible to life -threatening. But, the experience of severity differs
from client to client. Clients may think of their present problems as very
grave, while they may appear to be mild by objective standards. Thus,
clients tend to judge their problems to be more severe than they are in
reality. That is, overstatement by the clients of their problems itself causes
a problem. In such a situation, the counselors should first help clients put
their problems in the right perspective by helping them differentiate
between the degrees of problem severity. When cl ients narrate their stories
related to their problems, the therapists often get a rough idea of clients’
orientation in life, plans, goals, ambitions, and some idea of the events and
pressures surrounding those particular problems. As stories are open over
many sessions, the therapists need to judge whether clients’ problems are
just common developmental or adjustment -related issues or whether there
are signs of more serious persistent problems in their lives. Based on the
answers to these questions, the th erapists should decide whether therapy
needs to play only a supportive role or it needs to involve long -term goals
for story repair. In short, this work between clients and therapists can be
seen as life -story elaboration, adjustment, or repair.
The experi enced therapists often identify what is the severity of the
clients’ problems, which potential resources the clients have or have not
used and to what extent, and how much help should be provided. They
also understand the potential highest level of functio ning of particular
clients and the appropriate level of expectations from them accordingly.
Mehrabian and Reed (1969) suggested the following formula to measure
the severity of the problem.
Severity = Distress x Uncontrollability x Frequency
This formula indicates that distress, uncontrollability and frequency are
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124 of severity. Thus, even a low -level anxiety event faced by a person can
cause a problem of high severity if it is uncont rollable and persistent. This
often can be seen in cases of suicide and violence in interpersonal or social
relationships. For example, sometimes we hear of an employee who
performs a violent act against his boss or colleagues, though there was no
indicati on of his being so aggressive before the incident occurs. Hence, the
therapists must develop skills to identify early warning signs of such
unpredictable acts of the clients in order to prevent such events.
7.2.7 Help Clients Identify and Clarify Key Issue s:
The therapists need to discuss the problem situations and unused
opportunities very clearly with the clients. There should be no vagueness
or ambiguity. They also must discuss the possibilities for the future, goals,
strategies for accomplishing goals, plans, implementation issues, and
feelings about all of these as concretely as possible. Let us have a look at a
case reported by Egan and Reese (2019) in this context.
Example 7.7 :
Janice’s husband has been suffering from severe depression for over a
year. One day, after Janice suffers a fainting spell, she talks to a counselor.
At first, feeling guilty about her husband, she is hesitant to discuss her
own concerns. In the beginning, she says only that her social life is “a bit
restricted by my husband’s i llness.” With the help of empathic highlights
and probing on the part of the helper, her story emerged and turned from
“A bit restricted” into a much fuller story bit by bit. This is a summary of
her story that Janice did not say all at once.
Janice: John has some sort of ‘general fatigue syndrome’ illness that no
one has been able to figure out. It’s like nothing I’ve ever seen before. I
move from guilt to anger to indifference to hope to despair. I have no
social life. Friends avoid us because it is so di fficult being with John. I feel
I shouldn’t leave him, so I stay at home. He’s always tired, so we have
little interaction. I feel like a prisoner in my own home. Then I think of the
burden he’s carrying and the roller -coaster emotions start all over again .
Sometimes I can’t sleep, then I’m as tired as he. He is always saying how
hopeless things are and, even though I’m not experiencing what he is,
some kind of hopelessness creeps into my bones. I feel that a stronger
woman, a more selfless woman, a smarter woman would find ways to deal
with all of this. But I end up feeling that I’m not dealing with it at all.
From day -to-day, I think I cover most of this up so that neither John nor a
few people who come around can see what I’m going through. I’m as
alone a s he is.
This is the fuller story spelt out in terms of specific experiences, thoughts,
behaviours, and feelings. The actions Janice takes – staying at home,
covering her feelings up – are part of the problem, not the solution. But
now that the story is o ut in the open, there is some possibility of doing
something about it. munotes.in

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125 The Stages and Tasks of Problem Management - I {Source: Egan, G. (2014). The Skilled Helper: A Problem -Management
and Opportunity -Development Approach to Helping (10th Ed.). Australia:
Brooks/Cole.}
7.2.8 Help Clients Explore the Co ntext o f Their Key Issues or
Concerns :
Conyne and Cook (2004) emphasized assessing the context or background
of the problem that the clients bring to the therapists. This is called
‘ecological counselling’ and it is another application of the people -in-
systems approach to listening. They believed that the behaviour cannot be
understood as separate from the clients’ environment. One has to also keep
in mind that the clients’ environment is not static and is continuously
changing. Another case shared by Egan (2014) is presented below:
Case 7.2 :
In a management development seminar, Tarik tells his counselor that he is
a manager in a consulting firm. The firm is global, and he works in one of
its offices in Southeast Asia. He says that he is already overworked, but
now his new boss wants him to serve on a number of committees that will
take away even more of his precious time. He is also having trouble with
one of his subordinates, himself a manager, who in Tarik’s view, “is
undermining his authority in the wide r team”.
The counselor, however, felt there was more to this case that has not been
revealed. Since the counselor was from a different cultural background, he
wanted to deal with the client as a full person by knowing about his
cultural background too. As he probed further and learnt about the
background of the client, a whole new story emerged that revealed that
Tarik is a manager in the firm as well as a partner. However, he is a newly
joined partner. With a relatively flat structure, these firms have a q uite
hierarchical culture. Hence, the clients Tarik has to work with are the
“dogs” of the region in large part. His boss is an American who has been
in his present job for only 4 months. Tarik has heard through the rumours
that his boss is going to stay f or only 1 more year, because of his near
retirement. Though a decent man, he is quite distant and offers Tarik little
help. This leads Tarik to believe that his real boss is his boss’s boss, whom
he cannot approach because of company and cultural protocol. The
subordinate who is troubling Tarik is also a partner and for several years,
but has not been very successful. This subordinate -cum-partner thought
that he should have been made the manager of the unit Tarik is running
now. He has been engaging in a bi t of sabotage behind Tarik’s back.
{Source: Egan, G. (2014). The Skilled Helper: A Problem -Management
and Opportunity -Development Approach to Helping (10th Ed.). Australia:
Brooks/Cole.}
Though this case shows that looking at the background is beneficial t o
understanding the real root of a client’s problems, the therapist need not
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126 Apart from these guidelines, some other guidelines are focused on helping
clients talk about the past productively, in a way that it will make sense of
the present. Counselors should help clients talk about the past to be
reconciled to or liberated from it, and in order to prepare for action in the
future. Counselors also should help clients spot unused opportunities and
begin to search for unused Resources as they tell their stories. Thus,
overall, counselors should help clients see every problem as an
opportunity.
7.2.9 Helping Clients Tell Their Real Stories :
Stage I is also aimed at helping clients tell their stories in a way that op ens
them up to doing something for them. At this juncture of Stage I,
counselors use their communication skills, such as self -challenge, which
are the essence of this level. We have learned that when clients open up
about their stories, they are more or le ss mentally prepared to make
changes in them for betterment. The counselors’ job is to use their skills to
help clients work through blind spots and develop the kind of new
perspectives that lead to new problem -managing and opportunity -
developing behaviour . The “real” story gives an accurate picture of the
clients’ problem situation. This will bring out the real story of the clients
and will give an accurate idea about their problem situation. For example,
if the client says that ‘it is not my fault, my spo use is always the cause of
the problem’, it means that there is not a real story yet and there still may
be blind spots in the client’s thinking. To bring the real story out, the
counselors can help clients i) uncover hidden concerns, ii) clarify vague
issues, iii) add important details, iv) explore clients’ hesitancies, v) see
their problems from a more constructive perspective, vi) add important
information and details that are being left out, vii) find unused strengths
and resources, and viii) spot and e xplore opportunities buried in or masked
by problem situations.
7.2.10 Case Illustration :
Let us understand how clients can be helped tell their real stories with the
help of the same case of Yasmin (Client) and Ravi (Counselor) presented
earlier.
Case 7. 3:
Yasmin had a conflict -laden conversation with her father which left her
shocked and disoriented. Before this conversation, she was an excellent
participant in the helping process. In some ways, it was easy because the
discussion focused on opportunitie s rather than problems. She imagined
new career opportunities and there was a budding relationship with a male
friend. However, new problems emerged after the conversation with her
father.
Yasmin was depressed in the sessions that followed the disastrous
encounter. She found it difficult to talk, she felt that she was trapped, she
was reluctant to focus on other possibilities and she resisted Ravi’s
attempts to engage her in self -challenge. An underground current of munotes.in

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127 The Stages and Tasks of Problem Management - I resentment toward the “cultural captivit y” imposed on her by her parents
surfaced together with the low -grade depression that accompanied it. Also,
this depression was intensified by the memories she had from her trip to
Iran – young people “happy and free” with whom she had a conversation –
and by the ignored but persistent feelings of vulnerability associated with
the auto accident.
Here, one of the first things that Ravi notes is that Yasmin has developed a
very new useful perspective on her own. Rather than blaming the auto
accident for the d iscontent that she was feeling about her life, she realizes
that the accident was a wake -up call. Ravi helps Yasmin develop a range
of useful new perspectives over the course of the helping encounter, so
that both of them will have a clearer picture of wha t is going on in
Yasmin’s life and what is bothering her the most. For instance,
Ravi (at one point, noting that Yasmin never talks about her mother):
I’m curious why you never talk about your mother, except
indirectly when you say ‘my parents’. She is so rt of a missing
person.
This helps Yasmin realize that she does not see her mother as an “agent”
in her story, but her mother is “just there” as it were. She has not seen this
as an issue, but maybe it is.
Ravi also helps Yasmin see that while, externally, she gives the
impression that she is assertive, and a doer, she seems to endure personal
problems rather than wrestle with them. Or in some ways, she’s a doer and
in other ways not. Yasmin describes herself as living between two cultures
without becoming her own person in either of them, because she feels
culturally lost. At this aspect, Ravi wonders aloud how this might be
affecting Yasmin.
Ravi believes that some of the symptoms that Yasmin is describing
constitute a mild form of depression, though at t his point he does not feel
important to use that word itself. In one session,
Ravi: Do you see your insomnia and headaches as symptoms of health
problems or reactions to the concerns that you are discussing?
Yasmin (thinks that it is the latter, but obser ves): Well, this might be
the kind of incentive I need to get a physical checkup. I haven’t
had one in years. I don’t want to end up like my father.
Ravi helps Yasmin get in touch with the fact that she describes herself as
very duty -driven. For instance, even though she does a great deal for her
father both at work and at home, she intimates that she has always thought
that she should be taking better care of him. She feels some guilt because
she is not doing as good a job as she thinks she should do. Here , Yasmin
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128 {Source: Egan, G. (2014). The Skilled Helper: A Problem -Management
and Opportunity -Development Approach to Helping (10th Ed.). Australia:
Brooks/Cole – A bit modified version}
Thus, Stage I involves challenge or self -challenge. It is something clients
engage in with counselors’ help, and not something counselors do to
clients. In this case illustration, we saw how Yasmin and Ravi progressed
as they worked together when Yasmin wa s disappointed and stuck. Here,
Ravi does not just tell Yasmin all these things or interpret what she is
saying. Rather than using his skills and activities to bring her emotions
out, he acts as a catalyst to help her make problem -managing discoveries
for herself.
7.2.11 Help Clients Challenge the Quality of Their Participation :
Counselors can help clients accept responsibility and participate as fully as
possible in helping themselves. They can also help clients use different
types of self -challenges. It is not easy and even those clients who are fully
motivated can face certain hurdles in helping themselves. Egan (2014)
offered some principles that counselors can use to help clients in
challenging themselves to participate as fully and as intelligently as
possible. However, these are just principles and not compulsory rules.
Invite Clients to Own Their Problems and Unused Opportunities :
Very often clients genuinely think that other people, situations and outside
forces are responsible for their problem s ituations. They do not believe
that they are themselves also responsible for their problems. Therefore,
counselors need to help clients challenge themselves to accept full
responsibility for their problem situation. Challenging clients to accept the
respon sibility means making them understand that they are responsible to
some extent for either creating or maintaining the problem.
For example, a client comes with the belief that her business partner had
been cheating on her. She is alarmed but she has not t aken any action
about it. Let us see how three different counselors differ in their responses
to her.
Example 7.8:
Counselor A: You feel angry because he alone decided to close the
deal on his terms.
Counselor B: You are angry because your legitimate int erests were
ignored.
Counselor C: You are furious because you were ignored, your interests
were not taken into consideration, maybe you were even
financially victimized, and you let him get away with it.
Counselor C challenges the client by repeating the s tatement “You let him
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129 The Stages and Tasks of Problem Management - I {Source: Egan, G. (2014). The Skilled Helper: A Problem -Management
and Opportunity -Development Approach to Helping (10th Ed.). Australia:
Brooks/Cole.}
Counselors also need to help the clients accept the responsibil ity for
unused opportunities. Wheeler and Janis (1980) note, “Opportunities
usually do not knock very loudly, and missing a golden opportunity can be
just as unfortunate as missing a red -alert warning” (p. 18). For example,
Egan (2014) presented a case in which a client, named Tess, shared her
story saying that her relationship with her brother Josh deteriorated over a
property dispute after their father’s death. Their fights became like an all -
out war, which used to be minor before their father’s death. Sh e did not
say it openly, but she was shocked herself looking at her own anger and
aggression. However, she was not shocked enough to do something about
it. Later, when her brother had a heart attack, she knew that it is an
opportunity to mend her relations hip with him. But she kept putting it off,
despite knowing that the longer she delays, the more it will be difficult to
mend it. At this point, she comes to the counselor and tells him the story.
The session takes place as follows:
Example 7.9 :
Tess: I thought that this was going to be our chance to patch things
up, but he hasn’t said anything.
Counselor: So, nothing from his side.… What about yours?
Tess: I think it might already be too late. We are falling right back
into our old patterns.
Counselor: I don’t think that’s what you wanted.
Tess (angrily): Of course, that’s not what I wanted!… That’s the way it
is.
Counselor: Tess, if someone threatens you and says, “Make this work or
I’ll shoot,” what would you do?
Tess (after a long pause): You mean it ’s up to me.…
{Source: Egan, G. (2014). The Skilled Helper: A Problem -Management
and Opportunity -Development Approach to Helping (10th Ed.). Australia:
Brooks/Cole.}
As it is clear from their conversation that the counselor made Tess realize
that it is he r responsibility to grab the opportunity. She realizes that
“missing a golden opportunity can be just as unfortunate as missing a red -
alert warning.”
Invite Clients to State Their Problems as Solvable :
Very often clients come with an attitude that their pr oblem is unsolvable
and they are the victims of the situation. They want to gain sympathy and
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130 their present problems, which implies that the past cannot be changed and
hence there is no solution to their problem. However, the fact is that
clients can change their attitude about the past and change the present
problem situation. If clients cannot do anything about the problem, it can
be considered an unsolvable problem. On the other han d, if they can do
something about it, it is a solvable problem.
Even if a problem appears to be unsolvable, the clients need to change
their point of view and think about how they can cope with that problem to
make it solvable. For example, a teenager may feel miserable because his
self-centred parents keep fighting with each other and do not pay any
attention to him. He cannot solve the problem by changing his parents’
self-centredness and their fights or forcing them to pay attention to him.
But he can c ope with this problem situation by developing fuller social
opportunities outside the home. The counselor can help him develop new
perspectives on himself and his family life and challenge him to act both
internally and externally on his own behalf.
Invite Clients to Explore Their “Problem -Maintenance Structure” :
Pinsof (1995) points out that it is important to explore with clients the
“actions, biology, cognitions, emotions, object relations, and self -
structures” (p. 7) that keep them stuck in their proble ms. He coined the
term ‘problem -maintenance structure’ which refers to the set of factors
(i.e., personal, social, organizational, community, and political) that keep
clients from identifying, exploring, and ultimately doing something about
their problem s ituations and unused opportunities. The counselors need to
help clients restructure their self -defeating defences, cognitions, patterns
of emotional expression, self -focused and outward -focused behaviour,
relationships, and approaches to the environment.
Invite Clients to Move on to The Right Stage And Task of The
Helping Process :
Here are a few guidelines on how counselors can help their clients
challenge themselves:
1. Clarify problem situations by describing specific experiences,
behaviours, and feelings when they are vague.
2. Talk about problems with clients when they are reluctant to do so.
Discuss opportunities, goals, commitment, strategies, plans, and
actions with them.
3. Help them develop new perspectives on themselves, others, and the
world when they prefer to cling to distortions.
4. Help them review possibilities, analyze them, develop goals, and
commit themselves to reasonable agendas when they would rather
continue self -pitying for their problems.
5. Search for ways of getting what they want, instead of just talking
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131 The Stages and Tasks of Problem Management - I 6. Spell out specific plans instead of taking a scattered, hit -or-miss
approach to change.
7. Stick with the implementation of plans when they are tempted to give
up.
8. Review what is and what is not w orking in their pursuit of change
then and there.
Thus, the counselors can help clients challenge themselves to engage
themselves more effectively in all the stages and tasks of problem
management, both during the session and later in future too.
7.2.12 H elp Clients Focus on The Right Story :
‘The Right Story’ is very important because the counselors encourage
clients in Stage I to ask themselves questions related to ‘right’. For
example, “Am I working on the right issues?”, “Am I setting the right
goals?”, “Have I drawn up the right plan for accomplishing these goals?”,
“Am I implementing my plan in the right way?” That is, the term ‘right’
refers to what is right for the client, not to what is considered right by the
counselors based on their preferred the ories, approaches to treatment,
resources or personal culture. Counselors can let the clients know the
implications of their own decisions. The entire helping process is to help
clients search for values.
Thus, at this stage of the counselling process, cou nselors help clients focus
on the right story. The right story means the key issues to work on. Very
often, clients come with many issues. In such cases, the counselors need to
help clients choose any one of the issues out of many that will make a
signific ant difference in their lives. If clients are not inclined to work at all
or want to work on trivial issues that will not make any significant
difference to their lives, the counselling process needs to be discontinued
at least for some time.
7.2.13 Choosi ng Issues That Will Make a Difference in Clients’ Lives:
Helping is quite costly both financially and psychologically so it should be
taken very seriously. The counselors must ask themselves, “Am I creating
value through each of my interactions with this c lient?” They also should
encourage clients to ask themselves, “Am I working on the right things?
Am I spending my time well in these sessions and between sessions?” In
other words, the counselors need to analyze whether the helping process is
working in an y particular situation and whether it is worth it.
Counselors can use many techniques to help their clients create value in
their lives, such as i) working on the right things, ii) addressing issues that
will make some kind of substantive difference in the lives of the clients,
iii) maintaining the quality of their participation in the helping process
and making the right decisions, and iv) making the counselling process a
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132 In this section, we will consider some of the principl es or guidelines that
can help clients get value from the helping process and can make a
difference in their lives. More than one principle can be applied at a time.
Determine whether or not helping is called for or should be
continued :
The counselling se rvice should be offered only when the clients are
substantially ready to invest themselves in a constructive change in their
life. If the clients are not motivated enough and do not have reasons to
participate in the helping process, they might gradually s top coming for
help. In such cases, it will be a total waste of resources. However, whether
to begin or continue with the helping process should not be decided by the
counselors alone. It should be a combined decision of the clients and the
counselors.
Frances, Clarkin, and Perry (1984) offered guidelines for different types of
treatments for different types of clients and the situations in which ‘no
treatment’ is the best option. In the ‘no treatment’ category, they included
clients having a history of tre atment failure or who seem to get worse from
treatment, such as the following:
 Criminals trying to avoid or diminish punishment by claiming to be
suffering from psychiatric conditions
 Patients with malingering or fictitious illness
 Chronic non -responders t o treatment
 Clients likely to improve on their own
 Healthy clients with minor chronic problems
 Reluctant and resistant clients who try to avoid help
While discontinuing the treatment, the counselors should never use
sentences such as - “Your concerns are t ruly not that serious”, “You
should be able to work that through without help”, “I don’t have time for
problems as simple as that” as they indicate lack of respect. Counselors
can interrupt treatment and stop further treatment for various reasons and
it ma y prove to be beneficial in a true sense.
If There Is A Crisis, First Help Clients Manage The Crisis :
Phillip Kleespies (2009) described many types of behavioural emergencies
that may form a crisis in the clients’ lives and can be a risk for suicide,
violence, and victimization. Some of the common emergency -related
crises can be self -injury, personality disorders, and substance abuse. Egan
explained the three stages of the helping process that can be applied in a
compressed version to deal with such types of emergencies. It is important
to pay special attention to the context in which the crisis took place as
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133 The Stages and Tasks of Problem Management - I difference in clients’ lives. However, concentrating only on clients will be
ineffective.
Begin With The Issue That Seems To Be Causing The Clients The
Most Pain :
People approach counselors mostly when they are much in pain, though
not in crisis necessarily. Pain can make them vulnerable or demanding.
Vulnerable clients may be willi ng to control, while demanding clients may
be very impatient. Their demand for immediate relief may indicate that
they are self -centred which may be a part of the broader problem. This
pain may be self -inflicted and clients must be respected for their
vulnerability. Thus, relief from the pain can be a reason for the clients to
work in the helping process. The counselors should help the clients use
their pain as a reason to deal with critical issues in their life and to find the
psychological strength that t he clients might have. Thus, they may need to
challenge the clients to work on it.
Begin with Issues The Clients See as Important and Are Willing To
Work On :
When the counselors begin with the issues that are important to the clients,
they convey the messa ge “Your interests are important to me.” The
counselors should accept the clients’ agenda rather than imposing their
own agenda on the clients and help them understand their problem
situation in a better way from a new perspective and find hidden
opportuni ties in their problem situation.
Begin With Some Manageable Sub -Problem of A Larger Problem
Situation :
A large problem situation can be very complicated, vague and not
manageable. It is best to break it down into smaller problems that can be
managed easi ly. This helps the clients also work on them easily. Thus, the
counselors must cater to clients’ immediate needs and should not get stuck
in theories and methodologies.
Move As Quickly As Possible To A Problem That, If Handled, Will
Lead To Some Kind Of G eneral Improvement :
Some problems, if handled quickly, give better results than expected. This
is known as a ‘spread effect’. Egan describes a case in this context as
follows:
Case 7.4 :
Jeff is a carpenter in his late 20s. One day he becomes disoriented an d
bangs many cars near his job site with his hammer. He is overheard
saying, “I’ll get even with you.” He is admitted briefly to a general
hospital’s psychiatric ward. The immediate crisis is managed quickly and
effectively. He talks to a psychiatric socia l worker during his brief stay.
He feels good about the interaction, and they agree to have a few sessions
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134 This has a great deal to do with his lack of self -esteem – “Who woul d
want to be my friend?” The social worker believes that helping Jeff to get
back into the community may well help with other problems. He has
managed this problem by staying away from close relationships with both
men and women. They discuss ways in which he can begin to socialize.
Instead of focusing on the origins of Jeff’s feelings of isolation, the social
worker, taking an opportunity development approach, helps him involve
himself in mini -experiments in socialization. Jeff’s symptoms begin to
decline as he begins to get involved with others. The psychiatric social
worker identified Jeff’s lack of human contact as the starting point to
search for value. She realized that one of the reasons why people shy away
from him is his self -centred and harsh inter personal style. When he repeats
his question – “Who would want to be my friend?” – the helper responds,
“I bet a lot of people would … if you were a bit more concerned about
them and a bit less rude….”
{Source: Egan, G. (2014). The Skilled Helper: A Proble m-Management
and Opportunity -Development Approach to Helping (10th Ed.). Australia:
Brooks/Cole.}
Focus On A Problem For Which The Benefits Will Outweigh The
CostsCounselors need to balance the benefits and costs of dealing with
difficult problems. If both counselors and clients put a lot of effort into the
helping process, it is expected to bring some reasonable benefits. The
counselors must make sure that they are not committed to their theories
more than the clients’ needs and must help clients create va lues by
working on the right things. The counselors can help clients search for
value by asking clients to ask themselves the following questions:
 What problem or opportunity should I truly work on?
 Which issue, if tackled, would make a substantial differe nce in my
life?
 Which problem or opportunity has the greatest reward value?
 Which issue do I have both the will and the courage to work on?
 Which problem, if managed, will take care of other problems?
 Which opportunity, if developed, will help me deal with critical
problems?
 What is the best place for me to start?
 If I need to start slowly, where should I start?
 If I need a boost or a quick win, which problem or opportunity should
I work on?
In reality, the counselors do not help the clients search for valu es, they
help the clients create value through the choices that clients make and the
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135 The Stages and Tasks of Problem Management - I outcomes. It involves making the right decisions at every step of the
helping process. The clients’ decision -making depends on their beliefs and
values. Some broad guidelines for helping the clients get the most value
out of therapy are mentioned below:
 Help clients focus on issues that have reward potential for them.
 Maintain a sense of movement and di rection in the helping process.
 Avoid unnecessarily extending the problem identification and
exploration stage.
 Help clients move to the stages of the helping process that will
provide them with the most value.
 Remember that clients are making decisions th roughout the helping
process and can benefit from your help at times.
 Encourage clients to act on what they are learning.
7.2.14 Challenging Clients to Make Right Decisions :
Tasks of Stage I also mean initially choosing issues to work on. The use of
the th ird and the last part of Stage I (i.e., I -A) revolves around value, that
is, it moves beyond the client’s choosing the right things to work on. It
contributes to clients’ search for meaning. We know instinctively what the
clients mean when they say that th eir lives are “meaningless”, even if we
know little about the specifics. Even though the specifics of stories differ
from client to client, stories presented in the therapeutic sessions are often
enough about the lack of meaning.
Clients do not find value , but they create value through the choices they
make and the way they translate these choices into action and life -
enhancing outcomes. Thus, the last segment of tasks of Stage I is not just
about choosing the right things to work on, but it involves makin g the
right decisions at every step of the helping process. The second and third
task groups of Stage I (i.e., Stage I -B and Stage I -C) permeate the whole
of the helping process and involve decision -making based on clients’
beliefs and values. They involve both – invitations to self -challenge and a
search for value.
Thus overall, the working principle in the helping or counselling process is
that in every stage and every task collaborate with the clients and enlist
their collaboration in adding value and m aking a difference -focusing on
issues that make a difference, engaging in substantive self -challenge,
setting goals that make a difference, engaging coming to grips with a
commitment to these goals, making plans that go somewhere, and
engaging in a life -enhancing change in everyday life.
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136 7.3 SUMMARY In this unit, we briefly had an overview of Stages I, II, and III of the
counselling process along with four fundamental questions to work on.
Then we learned about tasks of Stage I in detail. In Stage I, coun selors
need to help clients understand themselves, their problems, and the
opportunities or strengths that the clients have not used to manage their
lives effectively. Counselors can do so by encouraging clients to tell their
stories; reframe their stories , develop a new and more useful point of view
and begin thinking about new, more constructive ways of acting; and stay
focused on the key issues and concerns that will make a difference in their
lives.
We saw how clients can be helped tell their stories, their real stories and
the right stories. We learned about the challenges clients face in talking
about themselves. We learned some of the principles that can guide to help
clients to tell their stories and feel safe: learning to work with all styles of
storytelling, starting where the client starts, assessing the severity of the
client’s problems, and helping clients identify and clarify key issues and
explore the context of their key issues or concerns. We also learned about
how to help clients tell their real stories and help them challenge the
quality of their participation. This can be done by inviting clients - to own
their problems and unused opportunities, to state their problems as
solvable, to explore their “problem -maintenance structure”, and to m ove
on to the right stage and task of the helping process. And lastly, we also
learned how to help clients focus on the right story.
We also had a look at how to choose issues that will make a difference in
clients’ lives - Determine whether or not helpin g is called for or should be
continued, if there is a crisis, first help clients manage the crisis, begin
with the issue that seems to be causing the clients the most pain, begin
with issues the clients see as important and are willing to work on, begin
with some manageable sub -problem of a larger problem situation, move as
quickly as possible to a problem that, if handled, will lead to some kind of
general improvement, and focus on a problem for which the benefits will
outweigh the costs. And finally, we l earned about challenging clients to
make the right decisions. We tried to understand all these aspects through
some examples and case illustrations.
7.4 QUESTIONS 1. Write a note on challenges that clients face in talking of themselves
with reference to self-disclosure.
2. Discuss in detail any two guidelines for helping the clients tell their
stories.
3. Discuss choosing issues that will make a difference in clients’ lives by
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137 The Stages and Tasks of Problem Management - I 4. What can counselors do to help clients ch allenge the quality of their
participation in the helping process?
5. Write a short note on the following guidelines:
a. Start where the client starts,
b. Help clients spot unused opportunities.
7.5 REFERENCES  Egan, G. (2014). The Skilled Helper: A Pro blem -Management and
Opportunity -Development Approach to Helping (10th Ed.). Australia:
Brooks/Cole.


*****

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138 8
THE STAGES AND TASKS OF PROBLEM
MANAGEMENT - II
Unit Structure
8.0 Objectives
8.1 Overview
8.2 Tasks of Stage II
8.2.1 Help Clients Determine What Kind of Change They Need or
Want
8.2.2 Help Clients Distinguish Needs from Wants
8.2.3 Continuum betwe en First -Order and Second -Order Change
8.2.4 Power of Goal Setting
8.2.5 Guidelines to Help Clients Set Goals
8.2.6 Helping Clients Commit Themselves to Their Goals
8.3 Tasks of Stage III
8.3.1 Help Clients Develop Strategies for Accomplishing Their Go als
8.3.2 Brainstorming
8.3.3 Frameworks
8.3.4 Finding Social Support
8.3.5 Skills
8.3.6 Strategies
8.3.7 Choosing Goal -Accomplishing Strategies
8.3.8 Balance -Sheet Method for Choosing Strategies
8.3.9 Choosing Evidence -Based Treatments
8.4 Summary
8.5 Questions
8.6 References
8.0 OBJECTIVES After reading this unit, you will be able to understand
 What kind of changes do the clients need or want?
 What is the power of goal setting?
 How to help clients set goals?
 How to help clients commit themselves to their goals?

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139 The Stages and Tasks of Problem Management - II 8.1 OVERVIEW Stages II and III are about problem -managing outcomes in an approach.
Hence, both the stages together are important parts of the helping model.
Their approach to helping is client -directed and outcome -informed.
Counselors he lp clients in these stages to develop and implement
programs for constructive changes. They help clients ask and answer the
following two commonsense but critical questions, “What outcomes do I
want?” and “What do I have to do to get what I want?” Thus, St age II is
about goals and outcomes, while Stage III is about the activities or the
work needed to produce those outcomes. Also, reviewing possibilities for
a better future often helps clients move beyond the problem -and-misery
mindset that they bring with them in counselling sessions and develop a
sense of hope. This helps clients understand their problem situations
better. Stage II and Stage III are about a better future for the clients. So let
us now understand the tasks in each of them one by one.
8.2 TASKS OF STAGE II Problem situations can make both the present and future look troubled.
The interrelated tasks of Stage II outline three ways in which counselors
can partner with their clients to explore, design, and develop a better
future. Stage II involv es the following three tasks:
Problem -Managing Possibilities:
Here, counselors can help clients move from problems to solutions, and
develop a sense of hope by making them answer the questions, such as
“What possibilities do I have for a better future?”, “What are some of the
things I think I want?”, “What about my needs?”, and “What would my
problem situation look like if it were being managed well?” to themselves.
Goals, Outcomes, and Impact:
Here, counselors help clients shape a practical change agend a from among
the possibilities, which is one of the central tasks of helping. Clients can
ask themselves questions like “What do I really want and need?”, “What
outcomes will manage my problem situation?”
Commitment:
Here, counselors can help clients disc over incentives for commitment to
their change agenda by making clients ask themselves, “What am I willing
to pay for what I want?”
Thus, clients cannot achieve any significant change in their life and come
out of the problem situation without knowing what it is that they need.
Hence, the clients must also learn to set realistic and achievable goals that
are beneficial for them, while the counselors should help them learn the
strategies to achieve those goals.
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140 8.2.1 Help Clients Determine What Kind of Chan ge They Need or
Want:
Needs are different from wants. The need for change differs from client to
client. Clients should be helped to ask themselves “What kind of change
do they need?” in order to answer the question “How much change do
they need?” Therefor e, the therapy should be client -driven and the
therapists should concentrate on core issues to bring out a substantial
positive change in clients’ life rather than focusing on trivial issues and
insignificant life changes. However, they should not set an u nrealistic goal
of changing the entire personality of the clients.
8.2.2 Help Clients Distinguish Needs from Wants:
Sometimes wants and needs (of the clients) may be the same, while they
may differ in other cases. For example, workaholic persons always w ant to
work all the time and do the work, especially what they like. Though it is
very difficult for them to realize and accept, it is necessary to make them
realize that they need to slow down their work as they become old, and
may need to change the kind of work that they had been doing throughout
their life. Such clients need to be challenged to explore beyond their wants
and what they truly need. Some clients tend to go with their wants despite
knowing their needs. However, counselors should keep in min d that the
goals should be set according to the specific needs and wants of the
clients. Thus, there can be different goals for different clients.
8.2.3 Continuum between First -Order and Second -Order Change:
The first -order change is the change that is co nsidered within the values,
rules, or expectations that are held currently or traditionally. Watzlawick,
Weakland, & Fisch (1974) describe the first -order and second -order
changes. According to them, first -order change involves a “variation that
occurs wit hin a given system that itself remains unchanged”, while
second -order change involves a “variation whose occurrence changes the
system itself. It is a change of change. It is always in the nature of a
discontinuity or logical jump" (Levy, 1986, p. 9).
First-order change involves small improvements and adjustments that do
not alter the fundamental core of the system, while second -order change
alters the fundamental structure. The concept of second -order change does
not talk about the degree of problem -mana ging power or dealing with
substantive change. Instead, it deals with how big or extensive the
substantive change is. Thus, ‘coping or the first -order change’ and ‘major
change or the second -order change’ are the two ends of the continuum.
Singhal, Rao, a nd Pant (2006) highlight the differences between first -
order and second -order change as follows:
 Adjustment to the current situation versus changing the underlying
system
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141 The Stages and Tasks of Problem Management - II  Change prone to collaps e versus change that is designed to endure
 Reinforcing or fixing versus transforming
 Changes based on old learning or no learning versus changes based on
new learning
 Current set of values and behaviours staying in place versus a
fundamental shift in value s and behaviours
 The persistence of an old narrative versus the creation of a new
narrative
 Playing with symptoms versus attacking causes
The first -order change may be an adjustment that allows the core patterns
and process to stay the same, while the seco nd-order change alters the
fundamental structure. First -order change deals with symptoms, while
second -order change deals with causes. The first -order change leaves the
underlying problem in place and deals mostly with the easily seen
manifestations of the problem, while the second -order change resolves the
problem. Therefore, first -order change has its uses, while second -order
change is seen as a form of substantial change as well as “good” or “real”
change. Sometimes it is the only kind of change possible . However,
ultimately the clients decide how much and what kind of change they want
and are ready for.
8.2.4 Power Of Goal Setting:
Before learning about the power of goal setting, let us understand what is a
goal. A goal is some desired state and it is j ust an idea until it is
accomplished. Even though we may not be aware of it, goal -setting is a
part of our everyday routine life. In fact, not setting a goal is also a form of
goal-setting. We have goals that may be overt or covert, enhancing or
limiting, chosen or default. We should strive to make these goals work for
us and not against us. Goals are forces that move us and lead us to use our
resources. They help us self -regulate ourselves and move in the right
direction. Therefore, counselors should help clients set goals that empower
them in four different ways mentioned below:
a) Goals help clients focus their attention:
Very often, clients keep thinking overly about the past instead of focusing
on the future. In that case, their thinking remains blurre d and their actions
are aimless. Goals bring clarity and focus on what needs to be done. Let us
consider the following example:
Example 8.1:
A counselor had a client, a migrant man, who was a victim of torture.
During the sessions, the counselor found him to be aimless and
cooperating in a minimum way and just thinking overly about the torture
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142 encourage the client on exploring the possibilities of the future instead of
thinking only about the past. When the counselor asked the client, “If you
could have one thing you don’t have, what would it be?” The client
immediately said “A friend,”. During the rest of the session, he was
completely focused. What was uppermost in his mind was not the tortu re
but the fact that he was so lonely in a foreign country. When he did talk
about the torture, it was to express his fear that torture had “disfigured”
him, may not be physically, but psychologically and that making him
unattractive to others.
b) Goals he lp clients mobilize their energy and direct their effort:
The chances of clients engaging in aimless behaviour are very less if they
have goals. Goal -setting changes thinking as well as encourages many
clients to start engaging in constructive change afte r setting even broad
and basic minimum goals. Clients who appear to be lazy or tired, listless
and uncooperative during the problem exploration stage often become
enthusiastic and active when they are asked to discuss the possibilities for
a better future and set goals accordingly.
c) Goals provide incentives for clients to search for strategies to
accomplish them:
Once the goals are set, clients try to find strategies to accomplish those
goals. Achieving goals itself becomes the reason for them. For exa mple,
one 70 -year-old lady had a heart problem alert that turned out to be a false
alarm. But after that false alarm, she decided to start living again. She
developed her own unique ways to redevelop her social life and renovated
her house to accommodate t wo young college girls as paying guests.
d) Clear and specific goals help clients increase persistence:
Clients with clear and realistic goals do not give up as easily as clients
with vague goals or with no goals at all. Payne, Robbins, & Dougherty
(1991) conducted a study on retirees and showed that high -goal-directed
retirees were more outgoing, involved, resourceful, and persistent in their
social settings than low -goal-directed retirees. Low -goals -directed retirees
were more self -critical, dissatis fied, resentful, and self -centred. They
wasted more time on wishful thinking. High -goal-directed retirees
translated their wishes into specific outcomes. Clients can differ in the
degree of clarity about their goals. This can range from aimlessness to an
extremely precise goal. Clients can also differ in the clarity of their goals
in different areas of their lives. For example, a client may be very clear
about his educational and career goals but aimless in developing sexual
maturity. Most of us have had a directionless phase in one or another area
of life at one time or another.
8.2.5 Guidelines To Help Clients Set Goals :
Goals are specific statements about what clients want and need. Effective
counselors help their clients by helping them design, choose, c raft, shape,
and develop their goals. Such goals are more likely to be workable if they munotes.in

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143 The Stages and Tasks of Problem Management - II are i) stated as outcomes rather than activities, ii) specific enough to be
verifiable and to drive action, iii) substantive and challenging, iv) both
adventurous and p ractical, v) realistic in regards to the internal and
external resources needed to accomplish them, vi) sustainable over a
reasonable period of time, vii) flexible without being indecisive, viii)
congruent with the clients’ values, and ix) set in a reasona ble time frame.
These characteristics are not a step -by-step program. They are used in
different combinations for different clients, depending on their level of
aimlessness or clarity. All clients do not need to have all the
characteristics in their goal -setting. These characteristics can be seen as
“tools” that counselors can use to help clients design and shape or reshape
their goals. Goals with these characteristics are more likely to be turned
into problem -managing outcomes with the desired impact on cl ients’ lives.
Here are a few guidelines for counselors to help clients engage in goal -
setting:
a) Help clients describe the future they want in outcome or
accomplishment language:
The counselors must help clients in getting problem management
outcomes. Th ey should help the clients set the goals as an outcome and not
as activities. Even if clients express their desire to engage in any particular
activity, it does not mean that they will achieve their goals. They must
state their goals in terms of outcomes. For example, if a client says “I want
to start studying”, it is just an activity, it is not an outcome. It will become
an outcome if the client says “In the next three days, I want to finish three
lessons”. Clients who know what they want are more likely to work
harder as well as smarter. Helping clients state goals as accomplishments
rather than activities helps them avoid directionless and thoughtless action.
So, the counselors must help clients clarify and articulate goals about their
real needs and wh at they want from life at that moment.
b) Help clients move from broad aims to clear and specific goals:
Counselors can add value by helping clients move from good intentions
and vague desires to broad aims and then on to quite specific goals. For
exampl e, a client who has been so committed to the work that he has been
neglecting his family life realizes it and says, “It is time for me to realign
some of my priorities”. This statement is just an intent. For any concrete
outcome to take place, this intent needs to be converted into broad aims
and goals. The broad aim is the area in which the clients want to work and
make some general statement about that area. Consider another example
(Example 8.2) of a person, who has been a workaholic and neglected his
family life.
Example 8.2:
Client: My family life is deteriorating because I am not around
enough. I must spend more time with my wife and kids.
Actually, it’s not just a case of must. I want to! munotes.in

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144 The client has moved from declaring his intent to a broad aim when he
says he wants to spend more time at home, but still, he has not created a
picture of what it would look like when he spends more time at home.
Counselor [to move him towards specific goals]: Tell me what
‘spending more time at home’ will look like .
Client: I will spend weekends at home or six hours at home per day.
This is just a quantitative statement. The counselor needs to move him in
the direction of self -challenge.
Counselor: You will be spending more time at home, tell me what you
will be doing with all that time.
The counselor is encouraging him to think about spending quality time at
home and not just the more quantum of time.
When the client says he wants to spend more time at home with family,
this is an example of an instrumental g oal. Though this goal is helpful in
the sense that he cannot achieve his ultimate goal unless and until he is at
home. But his ultimate goal is to have a good family life. Instrumental
goals are strategies for achieving higher -order goals, it is important to
make sure that the client has clarity about the higher -order goal.
Instrumental questions should answer the question ‘what?’
There is another difference between instrumental and ultimate goals. If the
client says, “I want to have a good family life”, a question arises ‘what
does he mean by good family life?’ The definition of good family life can
differ from family to family and from culture to culture. If the goal is clear
and specific enough, the clients will be able to determine progress toward
the g oal. If goals are stated too broadly, it is difficult to determine both
progress and accomplishment. Being able to measure progress is an
important motivation. If there is a two -way feedback system in place,
clients and helpers can collaborate routinely on goal clarification.
c) Help clients establish goals that make a difference:
Clients need goals that will make a substantial contribution to managing
the problem situation and developing some opportunities. If goals are
target -oriented, they help clients prepare themselves to progress. As Locke
and Latham (1984, p. 21, 26) noted that people become motivated in
proportion to the level of challenge that they face. Even the goals which
cannot be completely achieved will lead to high efforts, bringing partial
success as a reward. But this does not mean that the goals should be
impossible for the person to achieve. Clients differ in their abilities and
therefore we can not set the same level of challenging goals for every
client.
d) Help clients formulate real istic goals:
Setting too challenging or rigid goals will do more harm than good. If the
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145 The Stages and Tasks of Problem Management - II to achieve them. Locke and Latham (1984, p. 39) stated that a primary
purpose of goal -setting is to increase the motivation level of the
individual. But it can have precisely the opposite effect if it constantly
makes the individual feel inadequate. A realistic goal is the one i) that is
under clients’ control, ii) clients have the resources to achieve it and iii)
there are no impossible obstacles to prevent achieving that goal.
Counselors should help clients formulate realistic goals based on the
following two criteria, that is, resources and control.
Resources:
Counselors should help clients choose goals for which the resources are
available for the clients to achieve them. Let us look at the case of Rory as
an example in this context:
Case 8.3:
Rory was demoted from his present post due to restructuring in his
organization. He was not happy about it and wanted to leave his job.
Alternatively, he thought of becoming a consultant. But the problem was
he had insufficient resources for that. He lacked the assertiveness,
marketing savviness, industry expertise, or interpersonal style needed to
become an effective consultant. Setting up the business as a consultant
would have taken some time and he did not have sufficient funds to
withdraw to make him rise in that period. So the option of setting up a
consultancy did not seem to be very realistic. T he outplacement counselor
encouraged him to challenge himself, change his focus and look for
resources that are available to him. He thought over it and realized that he
has a great interest in graphic designing, but he is not good enough to take
up a tech nical job in the company’s design department. However, he is
good with people, very good at scheduling and planning, and knows
enough about graphic design to discuss issues meaningfully with the
members of the department. So, he can apply for a supervisory post in the
design department. Combining his interest in graphic design and his
managerial skills was much more realistic and a move in the right
direction. It was challenging, but something that could have a substantial
impact on his work life.
{Source: Egan, G. & Reese, R. J. (2019).The Skilled Helper: A Problem -
Management and Opportunity -Development Approach to Helping (11th
Edition) Cengage Learning}.
Control:
Counselors should help clients choose goals that are under their control.
Very often, clien ts believe that they can achieve their goals only if others
do not act the way they do. Clients often fail to realize that they have no
control over what others do, but they have control over only themselves.
Consider the following case of Tony reported by Egan (2014):
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146 Case 8.4:
Tony, a 16 -year-old boy, felt that he was the victim of his parents’
inability to relate to each other. Each tried to use him in the struggle, and
at times he felt like a Ping -Pong ball. A counselor helped him see that he
could pr obably do little to control his parents’ behaviour but that he might
be able to do quite a bit to control his reactions to his parents’ attempts to
use him. For instance, when his parents start to fight, he could simply
leave instead of trying to “help.” I f either of the parents tries to get him as
a supporter, he could say that he had no approach to knowing who was
right. Tony also worked at creating a good social life outside the home.
That helped him withstand the tensions he experienced at home. Tony di d
not want to be used as a pawn in his parents’ interpersonal game. But that
was not under his control. Creating a good social life outside the home
was within his control and that helped him.
{Source: Egan, G. (2014). The Skilled Helper: A Problem -Managem ent
and Opportunity -Development Approach to Helping (10th Edition)
Cengage Learning, Egan, G. & Reese, R. J. (2019).The Skilled Helper: A
Problem -Management and Opportunity -Development Approach to
Helping (11th Edition) Cengage Learning }.
e) Help client s set practical goals:
Goals should be realistic and achievable. However, realistic achievable
goals need not be wise ones. Goals should lead to direction and wisdom.
Clients may set impractical goals if they jump directly from problem
clarification to ac tion without exploring all possibilities and then setting
realistic goals. Such impractical goals increase the problem rather than
getting it resolved.
f) Help clients set sustainable goals:
Clients should set stable goals and commit themselves to those goals. The
commitment will take place only if the goals produce lasting outcomes.
Case 8.5:
One separated couple expressed the desire to get back together again and
they did so. But this reunion lasted only for six months and then they
separated again. He re the goal of getting back together was achievable but
not sustainable. It would have been sustainable if they had asked
themselves “what do we need to do to get back together and also to stay
together? What would our marriage have to look like to become and
remain workable?”
{Source: Egan, G. (2014). The Skilled Helper: A Problem -Management
and Opportunity -Development Approach to Helping (10th Edition)
Cengage Learning}.

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147 The Stages and Tasks of Problem Management - II g) Help clients choose flexible goals:
Goals should be flexible enough to adapt t o changing realities in the life of
the clients. Sometimes setting too specific or too rigid goals does not
allow clients to take advantage of emerging opportunities. Clients’ choices
need to be adapted to their changing circumstances. Gollwitzer, Parks -
Stamm, Jaudas, and Sheeran (2007) explored goal -directedness in terms of
the following three characteristics:
Flexibility:
It refers to the ability to modify goals while keeping the original purpose
of the goal intact. It also refers to the clients’ abilit y to reasonably change
tactics, when one course of activity is blocked or proven to be ineffective
or inefficient.
Tenacity:
It refers to the ability to stick to a goal or the means to achieve the goal
even when it is difficult to achieve.
Rigidity:
It means sticking to the original goal or actions to achieve a reasonable
goal even when the goal itself is proving to be ineffective in managing a
problem situation or the action is not leading to goal achievement.
These three characteristics are related to both – the goal itself and the
means to accomplish the goal. Apart from these characteristics, Gollwitzer
et. al. (2007) also recommended “flexible tenacity” in goal pursuit.
h) Help clients choose goals consistent with their values:
Counselling is all a bout helping the clients. But the help remains ethical
only if it reasonably respects the values held by the clients. Values are
criteria that we use to make decisions. Helpers may invite clients to
reexamine their values, but they should not encourage cli ents to perform
actions that do not respect their values. Consider the following example:
Example 8.6 :
A lady suffers a brain stroke in her old age and has passed into a coma.
Doctors have told her daughter that her mother cannot come out of a coma
and sh e would live a physically inactive life even if she survives. The
daughter has to decide whether to terminate the life support system or
extend the physically inactive life of her mother. In this case, the
counselor suggests her to go and meet the priest a s well as discuss it with
the elders in the extended family and think over it herself. Her priest and
other elders in the family suggested that there is nothing unethical about
switching off the life support system. Now it is up to the client to explore
other values related to that decision.
However, sometimes clients try to go after contradictory goals or values.
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148 Example 8.7 :
A student realizes that he wants to be an actor but at the same time he
wants to start earning a decent in come as soon as possible. The first goal
will not get him an income for a long time and he may have to borrow
money from others during his initial struggle period. But he also wants to
start helping his family very shortly. The counselor needs to help him
clarify his values and decide on some advantages and disadvantages of
these two goals.
i) Help clients establish realistic time frames for accomplishing goals:
Clients should have a realistic and specific time frame to achieve their
goals. For example, if a person says, “one day I will have a holiday”, his
goal is too vague because that one day will never come easily. On the
other hand, if he says, “I will have a holiday in the first week of January
2022”, the chances are very high that he will achieve tha t goal. The
counselors need to help clients put some time frames in their goals to add
value to those goals. Greenberg (1986) talked about immediate,
intermediate, and final outcomes. Immediate outcomes are changes in
attitudes and behaviours visible in th e helping sessions themselves.
Intermediate outcomes are changes in attitudes and behaviours that lead to
further change. Final outcomes refer to the completion of the overall
program for constructive change through which problems are managed
and opportuni ties are developed.
8.2.6 Helping Clients Commit Themselves to Their Goals :
Many times clients set goals, but do not work towards achieving them. Old
habits are often difficult to change or give up. Unless and until the clients
have strong willpower to be committed to their goals, their old lifestyle
keeps interfering with their potential new lifestyle for resources.
Counselors should not encourage clients to put in superhuman efforts. But,
they also should not underestimate the clients’ will. Let us have a look at
the following example:
Example 8.8:
A cancer patient was at the terminal stage of cancer and doctors had an
opinion that she will not live long. She had two sons of marriageable age.
She had an intense desire to attend the wedding of her elder so n, who was
getting married after six months. Though doctors were not hopeful, she
lived for the next six months and attended the wedding of her elder son.
She also wished to attend her younger son’s marriage, though no dates
were fixed for that. This notic eably indicates the power of her willpower.
{Source: Egan, G. (2014). The Skilled Helper: A Problem -Management
and Opportunity -Development Approach to Helping (10th Edition)
Cengage Learning, Egan, G. & Reese, R. J. (2019).The Skilled Helper: A
Problem -Management and Opportunity -Development Approach to
Helping (11th Edition) Cengage Learning}. munotes.in

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149 The Stages and Tasks of Problem Management - II Considering this example, counselors should respect clients’ will to
change. They can help clients set goals and pursue them by asking the
following questions to t hemselves:
 Why should I pursue this goal?
 Is it worth it?
 Is this where I want to invest my limited resources of time, money,
and energy?
 What interferes with my attention?
 What are the reasons for pursuing this agenda?
 How strong are competing agendas?
There is another continuum indicating the level of commitment – “no
commitment” at one end to “total commitment” on the other end. Some
clients rush to accomplish their goals after setting them, while some
clients set the goals but do not even start to achie ve them. Clients also
differ in their commitment to different goals. They may be very
enthusiastic about achieving one goal, but will not put any effort to
achieve another goal. Some clients may start very enthusiastically and
then give up mid -way. The cou nselors need to help clients face their
commitments. They can help clients ask themselves some questions,
suggested by Egan (2014), to evaluate their own commitment to goals:
 What is my state of readiness for change in this area at this time?
 How badly do I want what I say I want?
 How hard am I willing to work?
 To what degree am I choosing this goal freely?
 How highly do I rate the personal appeal of this goal?
 How do I know that I have the courage to work on this?
 What is pushing me to choose this goal?
 What reasons do I have for pursuing this change agenda?
 What rewards can I expect if I work on this agenda?
 If this goal is in any way being imposed by others, what am I doing to
make it my own?
 What difficulties am I experiencing in committing myself to thi s goal?
 In what way is it possible that my commitment is not a true
commitment?
 What can I do to get rid of the discouragement and overcome the
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150  What can I do to increase my level of commitment?
 In what ways can the goal be reformulated to make i t more appealing?
 To what degree is the timing for pursuing this goal poor?
 What do I have to do to stay committed?
 What resources can help me? What kind of support do I need?
Apart from such questions that counselors can help clients ask themselves
about their commitment to their change agendas, there is a range of things
that counselors can do to help clients in their initial commitment to goals
and the kind of action that is a sign of that commitment. Counselors can
help their clients by helping them mak e goals appealing, enhance their
sense of ownership, and deal with competing agendas.
8.3 TASKS OF STAGE III Stage III of the counselling process is about the activities or the work
needed to produce the outcomes that are powerfully imagined in Stage II.
In other words, it is about “implementation intentions” and the
implementation itself. Three interrelated tasks in Stage III are all aimed at
problem -managing action on the part of the client. They are as follows:
Possible Strategies:
Here, the counselors help clients develop possible strategies for
accomplishing their goals by making them ask themselves “What kind of
actions will help me get what I need and want?”
Best-fit Strategies:
Here, clients are helped choose strategies that are effective, efficie nt, and
tailored to their preferences and resources. Here, clients ask themselves,
“What actions are best for me?”
Plans:
Here, clients are made to ask themselves questions, such as “What should
my campaign for constructive change look like?”, “What do I need to do
first? Second?”, “When should I start?” Thus, clients are helped to turn
strategies into realistic plans.
Thus overall, Stage III deals with the “game plan”. The above -mentioned
three tasks of Stage III constitute planning for action and they sh ould not
be confused with the action itself. A program for constructive change is
just like a wish list without action.
8.3.1 Helping Clients Develop Strategies For Accomplishing Their
Goals :
Egan (2014) defined strategy as the art of identifying and choos ing
realistic courses of action for achieving goals and doing so under adverse munotes.in

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151 The Stages and Tasks of Problem Management - II conditions, such as war. The problem situation is similar to war for the
clients. In such a situation, helping clients develop strategies for achieving
their goals is a very hum ane, thoughtful, and beneficial way of being with
them. Counselors will do a great disservice to their clients if they help
clients to set up goals, but do not show them the way to achieve those
goals. Strategies are actions that help clients accomplish th eir goals. When
clients develop a range of strategies to achieve their goals, they feel
liberated from their problem situations. They begin to see clear pathways
to their goals and their self -efficacy goes up. The next sections (Sections
8.3.2 through 8.3. 6) explain some of the strategies that can be used to
achieve goals are:
8.3.2 Brainstorming:
Brainstorming is a very useful technique. It is defined as an “artificial
separation of creative thinking from critical thinking in the initial problem -
solving p hase”, “liberating from inhibition those whose task is to find new
solutions, from criticism of their own ideas or those of others, from the
fear of making mistakes and placing themselves in an unfavourable light
before the group” (Rosca, 1972).
Brainstorm ing is used to generate a variety of ideas about a given topic.
People tend to make better decisions if they have lots of options to choose
from. These options are potential possibilities that clients have. However,
while brainstorming, counselors must mak e sure that clients remain
focused on the goal that they want to achieve. The brainstorming is based
on the following rules:
1. Ideas will not be criticized;
2. The quantity and not the quality of ideas is important;
3. Other people’s ideas can be deve loped;
4. Unusual and exaggerated ideas are welcome.
Osborn was the originator of the concept of brainstorming. In his studies,
he noticed that if the above -mentioned rules are followed properly, it leads
to the generation of more new ideas. Quantity y ields quality. Very often,
due to natural inhibitions, people drop many ideas and consider them
“mistakes” or “ridiculous”. By following these rules those ideas are not
dropped. Osborn also noticed that “childish” or “stupid” ideas could lead
to finding tr uly valuable ones, because they changed people’s thinking
perspective and view of things.
Counselors ask clients to keep writing whatever ideas come to their mind
so that a solution or action can be taken to solve the problem situation.
The counselors can make some suggestions, but never turn the clients in
any particular direction. The ultimate decision should lie with the clients
themselves. Therapists are not supposed to make choices for clients either
directly or indirectly. They help clients only make life-enhancing
decisions. For doing this, they can use several techniques, such as the munotes.in

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152 “prompt and fade” technique. The counselors can say, “Here are a couple
of possibilities. Let’s have a look at them and see whether any of them
makes sense to you. Or m aybe they can kick start some ideas of your
own.” Or “Here are some of the things that people with this kind of
problem situation have tried. How do they sound to you?” The therapists
do not give any advice. The clients must think over these strategies,
choose the right ones, and commit to them.
8.3.3 Frameworks :
Helpers can use simple frameworks to formulate questions or probes that
help clients develop a range of strategies. The counselors can use probes
and prompts to help clients discover possible stra tegies by helping them
investigate resources in their lives, including people, models,
communities, places, things, organizations, programs, and personal
resources.
Individuals:
Depending on the needs and goals of the clients, some individuals from
their social circle can help them.
Example 8.9 :
Jackson, a cancer patient was suffering from severe cancer -related pain.
He got the name of a local doctor who specialized in treating such a kind
of pain as well as teaching people how to deal with such pain. He a lso
decided to talk with two of his friends – one, whose father got excellent
hospital care at home and died at home, and another, whose wife died of
cancer. Since he trusts and respects his friends, by talking to them he
could find the required courage.
{Source: Egan, G. (2014). The Skilled Helper: A Problem -Management
and Opportunity -Development Approach to Helping (10th Edition)
Cengage Learning, Egan, G. & Reese, R. J. (2019).The Skilled Helper: A
Problem -Management and Opportunity -Development Approac h to
Helping (11th Edition) Cengage Learning}.
Models and exemplars:
People who have gone through similar experiences as the clients are going
through can become role models for them.
Example 8.10 :
Jackson, the cancer patient mentioned above visited one of his fellow
workers before his death at home due to cancer. These visits gave him an
idea about dying at home or at least outside the hospital. He observed that
during these visits, his fellow worker never allowed himself to get into a
self-pitying type of talk. He considered dying too as part of living. Jackson
was very impressed with this kind of attitude of his friend. After his
friend’s death, when he reflects on that experience, it helps him develop a munotes.in

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153 The Stages and Tasks of Problem Management - II similar positive attitude. Thus, his friend had b ecome a role model for
him.
{Source: Egan, G. (2014). The Skilled Helper: A Problem -Management
and Opportunity -Development Approach to Helping (10th Edition)
Cengage Learning, Egan, G. & Reese, R. J. (2019).The Skilled Helper: A
Problem -Management and Op portunity -Development Approach to
Helping (11th Edition) Cengage Learning}.
Communities:
Counselors need to encourage the clients to identify communities through
which they can identify the strategies for implementing their goals.
Example 8.11 :
Jackson found that his community has developed an advanced approach to
providing various services for the sick. He also found various online self -
help groups for people like him.
{Source: Egan, G. (2014). The Skilled Helper: A Problem -Management
and Opportunity -Development Approach to Helping (10th Edition)
Cengage Learning, Egan, G. & Reese, R. J. (2019).The Skilled Helper: A
Problem -Management and Opportunity -Development Approach to
Helping (11th Edition) Cengage Learning}.
Places:
Very often people in proble m situations visit various places of worship of
their faith and that gives them relief. Some people go on pilgrimage to
experience life deeply and to get peace of mind.
Things:
Some clients explore the things that can help them achieve their goals.
Exam ple 8.12 :
Jackson finds out information about various drugs and electric
stimulations that may help reduce his chronic pain and reduce the effects
of chemotherapy. He talks to his doctor and other experts about the
possibility of using these safely.
{Sourc e: Egan, G. (2014). The Skilled Helper: A Problem -Management
and Opportunity -Development Approach to Helping (10th Edition)
Cengage Learning, Egan, G. & Reese, R. J. (2019).The Skilled Helper: A
Problem -Management and Opportunity -Development Approach to
Helping (11th Edition) Cengage Learning}.
Organizations:
Clients may come across some organizations that may provide social
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154 drug addict may join the deaddiction centre as a volunte er and find that he
gets as much help, motivation and comfort as he gives.
Programs:
Many organizations such as NGOs, hospitals, the community centres run
various programs that clients can join according to their needs. These
programs may provide help to seriously ill people to people having minor
illnesses either physical or psychological.
8.3.4 Finding social support:
Planning includes helping clients identify the internal and environmental
resources that clients need to pursue their goals. Social suppo rt is one of
the most important resources (Barker & Pistrang, 2002; Seeman, 1996;
Taylor, 2007; Taylor and associates, 2004), which most practitioners see
as a key element in problem -managing change. Thus, when we make a
change in our life, it often brings changes in our relationships. We should
make sure that we have at least a few people who are truly rooting for us
and the steps to reach our goal. And we should also consider talking to
therapists if we do not have anyone in our life who is truly cheering us on.
8.3.5 Skills :
People often get into trouble or fail to get out of it because they lack the
needed life skills or coping skills to deal with problem situations. In such a
case, helping clients find ways of learning the life skills that they need to
cope more effectively is an important broad strategy. Indeed, the use of
skills training as part of therapy – what Carkhuff (1971) called “training as
a treatment” years ago – might be essential for some clients. Challenging
clients to engage in activitie s for which they do not have the skills
multiplies the problem, rather than solving it. Lack of necessary
interpersonal communication and other life skills is often at the centre of
relationship breakdowns.
8.3.6 Strategies :
Though some clients have many g reat ideas for getting things done, they
never seem to do anything. It is because they lack the discipline to
evaluate their ideas, choose the best, and turn them into action. Therefore,
often this kind of work seems too tedious to clients, even though it is
precisely what they need. The common strategies that are used to help
people pursue broad goals (Williams, 1989) are as follows:
 Keeping a hostility log to discover the patterns of cynicism and
irritation in one’s life
 Finding someone to talk to about t he problem, someone to trust
 “Thought stopping,” catching oneself in the act of indulging in hostile
thoughts or in thoughts that lead to hostile feelings
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155 The Stages and Tasks of Problem Management - II  Developing empathic thought patterns —that is , walking in the other
person’s Shoes
 Learning to laugh at one’s own silliness
 Using a variety of relaxation techniques, especially to counter
negative thoughts
 Finding ways of practising trust
 Developing active listening skills
 Engaging in assertive rathe r than aggressive behaviour
 Putting things in context, seeing each day as one’s last or contrasting
the seriousness of one’s problems with those of people with real, life -
limiting problems
 Practising forgiving others without being patronizing or
condescend ing
This set of strategies helps clients as links to action.
8.3.7 Choosing Goal -Accomplishing Strategies:
Goals are effective only if they are specific, realistic, sustainable, flexible
and cost -effective. Similarly, the strategies to achieve those goals also
should possess the same characteristics. In the second part of Stage III
(Task III -B), clients are in decision -making mode, where they need to
choose a strategy or a “package” of strategies that are best fitting to plans
for constructive change. These strategies also should be strong and
practical enough to match the values of the clients. The criteria for
choosing goal -accomplishing strategies are like the criteria for choosing
goals outlined in Stage II. Some of the criteria that can be applied to
choose the strategies are as follows:
a) Specific strategies:
Strategies should be specific enough to drive behaviour. If they are too
broad, the clients will be confused and will not even start the work on
achieving the goals.
Example 8.13 :
Jackson, the ca ncer patient had very specific strategies to deal with his
illness and its related pain – that is, to keep in touch with his friends who
had similar experiences – to make sure that his wife and daughter learn to
give him help in terms of administering inje ctions gently, participating in
self-help groups, getting help from his community, etc.
{Source: Egan, G. (2014). The Skilled Helper: A Problem -Management
and Opportunity -Development Approach to Helping (10th Edition)
Cengage Learning, Egan, G. & Reese, R. J. (2019).The Skilled Helper: A munotes.in

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Counseling Psychology
156 Problem -Management and Opportunity -Development Approach to
Helping (11th Edition) Cengage Learning}.
In such cases, strategies like milieu therapy will not help the clients which
are focused only on routine activities an d not on specific goals.
b) Effective strategies:
When implementation of strategies leads to goal achievement, strategies
become effective. The effective strategy can be an elaborated one or a
small one.
Example 8.14 :
Stacy, a schizophrenic patient, was a dmitted to the hospital. After initial
medical treatment that helped her to some extent, she was put through
milieu therapy. That means she followed more or less the general routine
of the hospital – a bit of exercise, a bit of work, and a little bit of
socialization. This did not bring much improvement in Stacy’s health.
Thus, milieu therapy was not effective for her. Then, another psychiatrist
involved Stacy in a new comprehensive social learning program, which
included cognitive restructuring, social ski lls training, and behavioural
change interventions based on motivation, shaping, modelling, and
rewards. Within a few days, she started responding positively to this new
rather intensive program. She was discharged within 6 months, and with
the help of an outpatient extension of the program, she remained in the
community. The reason was that this new program was more specific,
effective, practical, realistic, sustainable, flexible, cost -effective, and in
keeping with her values. It was cost -effective in two ways. First, it was the
best use of Stacy’s time, energy, and psychological resources. Second, it
helped her and others like her get back into the community and stay there.
It was in line with her values and as deep in her heart as she valued human
compan ionship and freedom.
{Source: Egan, G. (2014). The Skilled Helper: A Problem -Management
and Opportunity -Development Approach to Helping (10th Edition)
Cengage Learning, Egan, G. & Reese, R. J. (2019).The Skilled Helper: A
Problem -Management and Opportuni ty-Development Approach to
Helping (11th Edition) Cengage Learning - a modified version}.
c) Realistic strategies:
Strategies that are beyond clients’ resources are called unrealistic
strategies, which will not be effective at all. On the other hand, stra tegies
that are within their resources and control, and free of any hindrances are
called realistic strategies. However, counselors should encourage clients to
review goals for life -enhancing outcomes. Also, counselors should not
underestimate the clients’ abilities to move beyond their problem
situations. Strategies that make clients stretch for a valued goal can be
very satisfying for them. But it should not be stretched too far without
considering the reality of the clients’ capabilities. munotes.in

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157 The Stages and Tasks of Problem Management - II d) Strategies in keeping with the client’s values:
The counselors must ensure that the selected strategy is consistent with the
clients’ values.
Example 8.15 :
A priest was falsely accused of molestation. While preparing for the court
case, the priest and his lawyer ha d several discussions. The lawyer wanted
to do everything possible to destroy the accusers’ credibility. He had dug
into their pasts and searched for some obscenity. The priest objected to
these tactics. “If I let you do this,” he said, “I move down to the ir level. I
can’t do that.” The priest discussed this with his counselor, his superiors,
and another lawyer. He stuck to his views. They prepared as strong a case
as possible, but one based on facts without any unpleasantness. After the
trial, the priest w as set free. The priest mentioned that in his experience,
the most difficult part of the whole trial was the discussion about the
lawyer’s preferred tactics. He experienced an internal conflict. On one
hand, he felt that since he was innocent, it is ok to use any tactic to prove
his innocence. On the other hand, he felt that it was not the correct way.
The counselor did not attempt to impose his own or lawyer’s values on
him but helped him clarify and challenge his own values.
{Source: Egan, G. (2014). The Skilled Helper: A Problem -Management
and Opportunity -Development Approach to Helping (10th Edition)
Cengage Learning, Egan, G. & Reese, R. J. (2019).The Skilled Helper: A
Problem -Management and Opportunity -Development Approach to
Helping (11th Edition) C engage Learning – A modified version}.
e) Sample, then choose:
Some clients prefer to first sample some of the possibilities and then
choose the appropriate strategy out of many strategies. This gives them
time to think about the positive and negative at tributes of every strategy
before making a decision. Consider the following case described by Egan
(2014, 2019):
Case 8.16 :
Two business partners were in conflict over ownership of the firm’s assets.
Their goals were to see justice done, to preserve the bu siness, and if
possible, to preserve their relationship. A colleague helped them sample
some possibilities. Under her guidance, they discussed with a lawyer the
process and consequences of bringing their dispute to the courts, they had
a meeting with a con sultant counselor, who specialized in these kinds of
disputes, and they agreed on a settlement.
{Source: Egan, G. & Reese, R. J. (2019).The Skilled Helper: A Problem -
Management and Opportunity -Development Approach to Helping (11th
Edition) Cengage Learnin g }
This technique offers the clients sufficient time to calm down their
emotions. Thus, all decisions are made with due consideration. In the munotes.in

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158 above case too, the clients decided to go with the consultant counselor’s
route. Some clients use the ‘sample, th en choose’ strategy after going
through brainstorming. But some clients delay the real action to achieve
their goals by using this approach. Here are some questions that
counselors can help clients ask themselves to determine their strategies to
overcome t heir problem situations:
 Which strategies will be best fit my situation?
 Which strategies will be most useful in helping me get what I need
and want?
 Which strategies are best for this situation?
 Which strategies best fit my resources?
 Which strategies wil l be most economical in the use of resources?
 Which strategies are most powerful?
 Which strategies best fit my preferred way of acting?
 Which strategies best fit my values?
 Which strategies will have the fewest unwanted consequences?
8.3.8 Balance -Sheet Me thod for Choosing Strategies :
The term ‘balance sheet’ which is more commonly used in economics and
commerce also can be used in counselling. In therapy, the balance -sheet
method can help clients weigh the cost and benefits of problem
management and opport unity development. This technique can be used for
any important decision to be made during the helping process. For
example, clients can decide whether to seek help in the first place, which
problem or goal to work on first. While applying the balance -sheet
approach for choosing strategies for achieving goals, the following
questions can be answered by the clients:
 What are the benefits of choosing this strategy? For myself and
significant others?
 To what degree are these benefits acceptable? To me and the
significant others?
 In what ways are these benefits unacceptable? To me and the
significant others?
 What are the costs of choosing this strategy? For myself and the
significant others?
 To what degree are these costs acceptable? To me and the significant
others?
 In what ways are these costs unacceptable? To me and the significant
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159 The Stages and Tasks of Problem Management - II The counselors should not use this approach with every client or for every
action. The counselors should use it only when both – the clients and the
counselors – agree that this technique will be beneficial for the clients. It
can be used whenever clients need to make an important decision, for
instance, setting a goal. The counselors should tailor the technique
according to the needs of the clients. The counselors should tak e a
practical and flexible approach while using the balance -sheet approach.
One of the most effective ways of using this technique is that counselors
should not use it directly. They should keep it in the back of their minds
whenever their clients are maki ng decisions and use it as a filter to listen
to clients. Then should turn relevant parts of it into probes to help clients
focus on issues that the clients might be overlooking.
8.3.9 Choosing Evidence -Based Treatments :
There are many handy therapies and well-being programs available that
can complement basic therapeutic skills. These programs developed by
researchers and practitioners are validated by rigorous research. They are
called evidence -supported treatments. some of them are discussed here:
David Barlow is well known for evidence -based practices. David Barlow
et.al. (2011) developed a step -by-step protocol for the treatment of various
disorders, such as anxiety, depression, and phobia. These protocols are
developed by combining three or four basic concepts – that are common to
all treatments of these emotional disorders together – into one unified
‘transdiagnostic’ set of principles that clinicians can adopt for any client.
There are seven modules in this protocol as follows:
1. Psychoeducation,
2. Motivational enhancement to help clients engage in the treatment,
3. Emotional awareness training, including present -focused emotional
awareness training,
4. Cognitive appraisal and reappraisal,
5. Modifying emotion -driven behaviours and emotional avo idance,
6. Exposure to actual emotional experience,
7. Relapse prevention.
Barlow believed that this evidence -based protocol gives greater flexibility
to clinicians to treat the patients than most manuals allow. However, this
protocol faces a lot of crit icism due to professional disagreements and
professional politics considering the nature and scope of the evidence -
based movement itself. Another problem is that evidence -supported
treatment tends to deal with isolated symptoms rather than the kind of
problems in life that clients are struggling with. For example, there is no
handy step -by-step program to help a distressed married couple, one of
whom is bipolar or comes from a different cultural background or a couple
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160 dealing with kids. However, it does not mean that evidence -supported
treatments should not be used. The therapists should use both the
common -factor approach as well as an evidence -based treatment approach
depending on t he needs of the clients. One should use whatever helps
clients manage the problem situation in their lives.
8.4 SUMMARY We saw that Stages II and III are about problem -managing outcomes in an
approach and together are important parts of the helping model. Stage II is
about goals and outcomes, while Stage III is about the activities or the
work needed to produce those outcomes. They help clients ask and answer
the following two commonsense but critical questions, “What outcomes
do I want?” and “What do I ha ve to do to get what I want?”
Stage II involves problem -managing possibilities, goals, outcomes and
impact, and commitment. They help clients determine what kind of change
they need or want and distinguish needs from wants. We also studied the
continuum b etween first -order and second -order change. First -order
change involves small improvements and adjustments that do not alter the
fundamental core of the system, while second -order change alters the
fundamental structure.
We then learned about the power of goal-setting and the four different
ways in which goal -setting empowers clients. Goals i) help clients focus
their attention, ii) help clients mobilize their energy and direct their effort,
iii) provide incentives for clients to search for strategies to a ccomplish
them, and iv) help clients increase their persistence. We looked at some
important guidelines regarding helping clients to set goals. Counselors can
help clients set goals by helping them describe the future they want in
outcomes or accomplishmen t language, move from broad aims to clear
and specific goals, establish goals that make a difference, formulate
realistic goals following the criteria of resources and control, set the set
practical and sustainable goals, choose flexible goals and the goal s that are
goals consistent with their values, and establish realistic time frames for
accomplishing goals. Apart from this, we also learned how clients can be
helped to commit themselves to their goals.
We then moved to the tasks of Stage III which involv e possible strategies,
best-fit strategies, and plans. We learned about helping clients develop
strategies for accomplishing their goals, such as brainstorming,
frameworks (individuals, models and exemplars, communities, places,
things, organizations, and programs), finding social support, skills, and
strategies. Then we moved to goal -accomplishing strategies in which we
learned about specific strategies, effective strategies, realistic strategies,
strategies in keeping with the client’s values, and ‘sample , then choose’
strategy. At the end, we also had a glance at the balance -sheet method for
choosing strategies and choosing evidence -based treatments as a part of
tasks of Stage III.
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161 The Stages and Tasks of Problem Management - II 8.5 QUESTIONS 1. Discuss in detail the power of goal -setting and the guid elines for
setting up the goals.
2. Explain the four ways in which goal -setting empowers clients.
3. How do counselors help clients develop strategies for accomplishing
their goals? Explain with the help of any two strategies.
4. Discuss in detail the go al accomplishing strategies used by
counselors.
5. Write a note on –
a. Continuum on First -order and second -order change
b. Brainstorming as a strategy for accomplishing the goals
c. Frameworks as strategy
d. Realistic strategy
e. Balance sheet method for choosing strategies
f. Choosing evidence -based treatments
8.6 REFERENCE  Egan, G. (2014). The Skilled Helper: A Problem -Management and
Opportunity -Development Approach to Helping.(10th Edition)
Cengage Learning.
 Egan, G. & Reese, R. J. (2019).The Skilled Helper: A Problem -
Management and Opportunity -Development Approach to
Helping.(11th Edition) Cengage Learning.


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